


Not Leaving You, Just Leaving

by 1lifeisbechloe



Series: Flight Risk [2]
Category: Pitch Perfect (Movies)
Genre: F/F, roommate au
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-02
Updated: 2018-10-03
Packaged: 2018-12-22 03:00:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 55,685
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11958321
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/1lifeisbechloe/pseuds/1lifeisbechloe
Summary: /What happens when all the pieces fall back together, but they no longer fit?/





	1. September: Part One

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It is hereeeee! I'm so excited for this to be up, you guys!
> 
> Okay so I planned to dive straight in after I finished Faces, but I realized -just like the characters- I needed to take a small break and grow. I wrote another short fic and decided that I wanted to write this sequel in the third person, past tense. It fit better in my head like that and I hope you people will agree with that after reading.
> 
> I wanna just take a sec and thank you for the continuous support I received during this little break. I wrote this chapter on a (rare) sunny afternoon in August and I didn't mean for it to be almost 10k, but here we are! I -personally- am in love with this first chapter and I hope you guys will like it, too.
> 
> Enjoy!

It had been five months since Beca left for Los Angeles.  
  
It had been five months since Chloe’s heart broke in an unrepairable way. At least, that was what it felt like at the time.  
  
Chloe locked herself in her room whenever she could. She put on a happy façade whenever she was around people; in classes or during Bellas practices, yet she couldn’t shake the feeling that everyone could see the pain behind her smile.  
  
Perhaps Chloe’s smile wasn’t quite as honest or bright the way it used to, no matter how hard she tried. And she felt as though everyone looking at her –stranger or familiar- would see she was being deceptive in her facial features.  
  
But the intense sadness was soon replaced due to Chloe’s focus on the last bits of her college life and no matter the continuous voices in her head that doubted the decision, Chloe made it to the end.  
  
It had been four months since Chloe graduated.  
  
It was a day she always knew would come, inevitably and inescapably, waiting for her in the near future, but there was always _one more year_. One more attempt to figure out what she wanted to be, what she wanted to do.  
  
But life didn’t wait for her to plan out the rest of it, and Chloe soon learned its ruthless ways.  
  
After graduation, Chloe and her group of Bellas competed in the national finals at Lincoln Centre where they miraculously won, thanks to Beca’s ideas and Aubrey’s belated willingness to change from traditional ways.  
  
It was an emotional day for the Bellas. They shared excitement and later on sadness when Aubrey and Chloe officially had to resign from the group and leave the faith of the Bellas in hands of Amy, Stacie, Cynthia-Rose, Jessica, Ashley and Lilly.  
  
Chloe had her swan song, but it left a bitter taste without Beca there.  
  
Chloe started her life after college by moving back home.  
  
A few days after her arrival in Kansas, Rufus –the dog that had been in her family for over a decade- passed away and it felt like a family member died. The Beale residence turned into a place of misery and it took them a while to conquer the sadness of the loss.  
  
Despite the unexpected despair, Chloe enjoyed living with her family again. It wasn’t her ideal plan, but it felt right to come back and figure out her next move in the place she grew up in. Perhaps the only remaining place where Chloe felt safe.  
  
However, a few weeks in and multiple job applications for companies Chloe had no real interest in working for, she felt worn out and defeated by a future life she wasn’t sure she wanted in the first place.  
  
First, Chloe tried to settle for the nine-to-five office job. She looked for small apartments and tried to get excited over the prospect of the most average life imaginable.  
  
When she couldn’t possibly succeed in that, Chloe tried to figure out what it was she _did_ want. She tried to come up with her crazy dream in life.  
  
The one Beca was brave enough to chase.  
  
Besides the obvious point that Chloe longed for the good days of her college life, the friends she hadn’t seen in too long and the girl she loved that got away, she also missed art.  
  
Whatever was going on, art was a constant in her life and she didn’t realize that was where her heart was until she found an ad for an art institute in Los Angeles.  
  
Her heart skipped and her first thought was that it was _fate_.  
  
Her second thought was how Beca would mock her for even thinking about using that word.  
  
Chloe brushed the silly idea off, just like she had done with every other. Yet this one stayed with her, in the depth of the nights and the middle of the days.  
  
Chloe thought it would be stupid. It would look too much like chasing the girl that had left.  
  
Even though her interest was sparked upon finding the art school, Chloe couldn’t help but think if it were located any other place in the world, she wouldn’t give it a second glance.

* * *

  
  
It had been three months since Chloe packed her bags and left for Los Angeles.  
  
The decision wasn’t an easy one, but it was made in a heartbeat. Chloe had pondered it long enough and when her head and heart couldn’t figure it out, she made the abrupt decision to do what she thought would bring her happiness.  
  
A plane taking her to LA would bring her that, but she didn’t know whether or not her big plans for art and adventure would do the same. Chloe was afraid the only reason it would make her happy, would be because of a certain person living in that same, huge city.  
  
So Chloe made a deal.  
  
_With herself this time_.  
  
She wouldn’t tell Beca she lived in LA. She wouldn’t go see her or secretly check her location via numerous social media apps to see if she were near. Chloe would try to make it on her own first. Enroll in the art institute, get a place, make some money. If she learned it wasn’t for her, or she didn’t like it after all, she could decide to move back or go somewhere else.  
  
It had been two months since Chloe realized there was nowhere she would rather be than LA.  
  
From the moment her feet impacted the Californian ground and the warm air surrounded her being the way Kansas nor Louisiana ever could, she knew she would never live to regret her decision. Yet it was a gamble. She was in a city where she knew nothing and no one.  
  
Chloe miraculously found her way sooner than she expected to.  
  
Her first cup of coffee in a local and informal restaurant was where she met her future roommate. The waitress peeked on her laptop screen and found Chloe’s search for an apartment. Apparently, the girl had flyers all around the coffee shop with her name and number, -something that didn’t sound very safe for a young woman to do, but Chloe had yet to realize she was in Los Angeles and Kansas was a long way from there.  
  
After a conversation during the barista’s break that day, Chloe learned her name was Danielle and she dropped out of college earlier that year. She was working in the coffee shop to get her finances up to eventually go back to university, but when her roommate moved out a few weeks before that and left her with the full rent, it wasn’t speeding up her educational plans.  
  
Chloe liked the girl and she went with her gut feeling.  
  
She moved in that very same day.  
  
After she had a roof over her head, Chloe took steps to enroll into the art institute that lured her to California in the first place. She loved everything about the institute, from its people to its classes. Chloe had no problem starting and building profound friendships with the people she met through the art classes.  
  
Through Danielle and her newly-made art friends, Chloe met a bunch of other cool people and she knew then that she was going to stay right where she was.  
  
A month ago, Chloe realized the high prices for simple, rental apartments in West Los Angeles and the institute’s tuition fee would soon leave her with a bank account in all red numbers. Danielle got her a job at the coffee shop she worked, but after only a few shifts, something else crossed her path.  
  
She overheard a conversation between a group of people in one of her art classes which involved a children’s theater a few blocks from the institute. Chloe confronted the people about it and found out the theater was looking for art students to paint their décor.  
  
A few days later, Chloe was painting the scene of an upcoming play. Sadly, it was a job unpaid, due to the small theater’s low income and inability to pay her a salary, but Chloe liked the work too much to discard it. She figured it would lead to something sooner or later, which it did.  
  
Three weeks after her hiring, the children’s singing coach left for a better job and it left the theater weak and desperate.  
  
Chloe hadn’t even had the time to offer herself, because it seemed her coworkers already talked her up to the higher staff.  
  
Chloe guessed all those evenings she spent painting and singing in the dark and deserted theater long after –she assumed- everyone had left, paid off.  
  
Chloe loved to work with kids and it felt good to sing professionally again. The theater even managed to hand her a paycheck, however small for such a local children’s theater, it made it a little easier to get by every month in the suddenly so expensive city.  
  
It was safe to say Chloe had settled into this new life. Between art classes, painting the scenery for the upcoming plays and teaching the talent kids at the theater how to use their voices, Chloe made sure to keep busy and work hard.  
  
Yet Beca Mitchell would pop up every now and then, hidden in the darkness and luring from a distance, Chloe knew that her ex-girlfriend was never far in her mind. It would never take much. A person rolling their eyes, a snarky comment that Chloe could imagine in Beca’s tone of voice, sometimes just a stranger with headphones on or those couple of minutes at night before Chloe were to find her rest.  
  
Beca Mitchell was never far away.  
  
Chloe liked it most of the times. She enjoyed the excitement of realizing that the stranger just might be her friend. She didn’t know where Beca lived, but they shared a city, so that meant a possibility to Chloe.  
  
Other times, she didn’t like it.  
  
She didn’t like that whenever she kissed a man or a woman she barely knew, their lips didn’t taste like Beca’s. She didn’t like that their lips weren’t rough enough, or soft enough, or red enough. And she also didn’t like that whenever that kissing led to more, Beca Mitchell was still there. Not only in her head, but also inside her chest and stomach, pulling and pushing at organs until they were all swapped and it made Chloe feel physically sick.  
  
On those rare occasions, Chloe hated the fact that she couldn’t shake Beca from her mind. She hated the fact that Beca left her months ago, but it still felt like yesterday to her. She hated the fact that it seemed she couldn’t get over her, no matter how many strangers she kissed or slept with.  
  
She hated that she was counting down from ninety ever since she landed in LA.  
  
And today, she had reached the zero.  
  
It was Sunday morning and Chloe had nowhere to be, nowhere to hide, nowhere to escape from Beca Mitchell’s presence in her head.  
  
Chloe wondered if her plan was stupid to begin with. Somewhere deep down inside of her, she knew she had been lying to herself ever since she got here; telling herself she came her for some art institute that she too could find somewhere in Kansas’ near range.  
  
Chloe came here for Beca.  
  
She knew it, even when she was too proud to admit it.  
  
And now that the time had come to confront Beca with the news of her change in location, she wondered momentarily if she would know, too.  
  
Beca always did know her better than she knew herself and Chloe was afraid.  
  
Afraid Beca would have moved on by now. Afraid she wouldn’t recognize her phone number anymore. Afraid she wouldn’t want anything to do with her anymore. Afraid she would get mad about Chloe’s lie or just angry at the fact that she followed her.  
  
Yet she was most afraid she would want to meet her, that she would still want to be her friend, that she would understand her reasoning behind her secret, that she would still be _her_ Beca.  
  
Because she wasn’t. Not anymore.  
  
Chloe took out her phone and opened her chat messages with Beca. She scrolled through old texts, nothing older than five months, though. That would be too painful. But everything they had sent each other post-break-up.  
  
They weren’t out of touch. Not at all.  
  
Especially the first two months, they shared long conversations and most importantly, honest ones.  
  
Beca would text her how much she wished she could be at the final Bellas’ performance and Chloe would respond from the Lincoln Centre’s bathroom with tears in her eyes how she wanted that, too.  
  
Beca would wake her up in the middle of the night –which wasn’t much of a difference from Beca’s time- how she was thinking about her and Chloe would lay awake the entire night, because pretending to be asleep was better than anything her fingers could type in return.  
  
Over time, their conversations became less honest and neither Beca nor Chloe herself would comment about their true feelings on the situation anymore. Chloe didn’t know if Beca had moved on or if she was –just like Chloe- acting like she had.  
  
Chloe couldn’t guess the girl’s emotions anymore and a part of her felt like she had lost Beca Mitchell.  
  
So their text messages turned into lies. One asking how the other was, the other replying with one or two words, but never an explanation. Whenever Beca asked about life in Kansas, Chloe would reply shortly –and dishonestly- before changing the subject to Beca’s work.  
  
There was always something crazy that had happened at Beca’s work that she would want to talk about and it was an easy escape from Chloe’s lies.  
  
Yet Chloe liked to hear about her life. Her new life that she was no longer a part of, but a good life nonetheless. Beca spoke about her job and her coworkers with annoyance at times, but Chloe knew that was just Beca Mitchell. And she knew that no matter what, the girl was living her dream and she was happy.  
  
Chloe scrolled to the last messages that were exchanged and was surprised to find they were from weeks ago. She didn’t know it had been that long and she suddenly felt guilty.  
  
It wasn’t that she didn’t want to talk to her ex-girlfriend. She wanted to, every hour of every passing day. But every time she wanted to text her about her day, or tell her something funny that had happened to her, she realized she couldn’t. Beca Mitchell wasn’t aware of the fact that she was living in Los Angeles and not a day went by where Chloe didn’t feel bad for keeping it a secret for so long.  
  
**_Chloe: hey what are you doing today? xxx (9:11)  
_**  
She left her phone in her bedroom, aware that it was Sunday morning for Beca as well and that –while Chloe had slept a solid eight hours- Beca probably just made it to bed after a nightshift.  
  
Chloe tried to keep busy, if only to prevent her mind from straying to that smartphone lying on her bed with or without a new message on it.  
  
She cleaned the entire apartment and even went as far to mop the floor, something Chloe didn’t think had ever been done before. She asked Danielle for an early lunch and the girl was quick to accept.  
  
Chloe took her phone with her before leaving the apartment, but she did so without checking it as she simply dropped it into her bag.  
  
Danielle took her to a nearby lunch room, just a few blocks away from their apartment. Chloe thought about checking her phone, but the idea of it brought her fear and anxiety, over what, she wasn’t sure.  
  
Perhaps that it would be so easy for Beca to refuse her yet un-proposed offer. Perhaps that time had just put too much space between them and Chloe had lost her right to ask her anything at all. Perhaps that Beca would be angry with her for keeping this a secret.  
  
Chloe was scared of all the possible scenarios, so she decided to stall for as long as she could. At least until after lunch. She would check her phone after lunch.  
  
“Tell me those are not the best pancakes you have ever had. Go on, try. You can’t, can you?” Danielle asked her with her own mouth stuffed with the particular food.  
  
Chloe smiled and for a second she forgot all about Beca.  
  
She thought about how lucky she was with a roommate like Danielle and how she found her in the most exceptional way possible. Danielle was a strange person. She didn’t eat snacks, ever. She smoked, but only when there was another person around who did. She liked to put in her green contact lenses and scare Chloe in the middle of the night. She talked about Halloween all year around, yet would flinch during every scary movie Chloe would watch with her.  
  
Danielle was happy and cheerful most days, just like Chloe. But every so many days, she would lock herself in her room or snap at Chloe over little things. Chloe never took it personally, because she knew the girl suffered hard at the expense of her college-free life and she pitied her.  
  
Chloe had been lucky with the financial help from her parents, but Danielle didn’t have that. Her parents were hardworking people, but couldn’t afford to send their only daughter to college. Danielle had to get there on her own, but unfortunately she couldn’t stay there.  
  
“Do you think Jimmy is too close with this chick in the photo?” Danielle asked her as she held up her Instagram account for Chloe to check out the picture of Danielle’s boyfriend and some girl she didn’t recognize.  
  
“I don’t know.” Chloe chuckled. She wasn’t unfamiliar with jealousy, she just wasn’t jealous _like that_.  
  
“You’re right. I’m gonna tell him to take it down.” Danielle stated as she typed away on her phone.  
  
Chloe laughed at the act, minding her own business and forever surprised how other people act within a relationship.  
  
Beca suddenly popped back up into her head and she remembered the few occasions she felt jealous when it came to that girl. The first time in such a small way when Chloe saw Beca interacting with Jesse during their aca-ignition party. Later, -in extremely poor judgement- that stupid girl in Beca’s club who came onto her and Chloe who encouraged it, for lack of better ways to handle it.  
  
The truth was, Chloe never knew how to handle jealousy within herself and she only ever got as far as she did with Beca. Now that that had ended, Chloe wondered if she would ever completely understand and act correct on it.  
  
Perhaps there just wasn’t such a way.  
  
“Hey, this guy is cute!” Danielle yelped as she once again held up her phone with on it a picture of a half-dressed man.  
  
Chloe cringed, not because the man was poorly looking, but because her mind was with Beca and everything fell flat to her.  
  
“What? You have to go get yourself some! It’s been like, five weeks?” The girl hinted with a seductive raise of her eyebrows.  
  
“Stop it!” Chloe said as she kicked her leg underneath the table, but the woman wasn’t wrong. Chloe hadn’t actively been seeking out anything serious while the dates she did go on led to only one thing. She was a woman with needs and she enjoyed her time with the few strangers that she had shared a bed with in the past three months, but that was all she was interested in.  
  
“What is it? Are you more in a girl-phase now? I mean, I know bisexuality isn’t fifty-fifty, right?”  
  
Chloe appreciated Danielle’s cautious words as she stepped onto unknown territory, and she wasn’t about to get into details. “I’ve kind of texted my ex this morning.” Chloe admitted nervously. She was relieved to finally share this information with someone, but she wasn’t sure if the girl could manage to remove the doubts she had about it.  
  
Danielle reacted loudly in shock. “Is it that cute one you moved here for?”  
  
“I didn’t move here for her.” Chloe said instantly. She moved here to study art and she stayed for the amazing people she met through that and the wonderful children at the theater. Beca had nothing to do with it and Chloe was willing to tell herself that every day until it convinced her.  
  
“But it is her, isn’t it? Oh my God, it’s like a fairytale!” Danielle screamed out excitedly.  
  
“Dan, calm down. I sent her one text this morning and she probably hasn’t even responded.”  
  
“You haven’t checked?” Danielle said borderline insulted before roughly seizing Chloe’s bag from its place on the floor. Chloe tried to stop her prying hands, but the determined girl won the fight. “One new message.” She stated content and mysterious.  
  
Chloe felt her lungs cave in anticipation and it became hard to breathe. It became hard to do truly anything except fight the awful feeling of every organ shutting down, Chloe realized.  
  
“ _Nothing_ -“ The girl read out loud in a teasing voice that annoyingly resembled nothing like Beca’s. “- _What about you?_ That’s it? You people need to learn how to flirt.” Danielle stated before Chloe could snatch it back from her. “Oh, say you’re thinking about her. Naked.” The girl pitched.  
  
“It is no longer a secret how you have Jim wrapped around your finger.” Chloe chuckled before redirecting her focus onto the received text message.  
  
“So what’s your game?”  
  
“I don’t know.” Chloe admitted. Part of her wanted to make a joke about meeting her at Target around three o’clock. It would be funny and corky and Chloe would finally see Beca rolling her eyes at her again.  
  
But Beca’s message was distant. Cold. Uninterested. Like every text message of the last few months had been. Chloe couldn’t blame her. If anyone was to blame, it was probably Chloe herself. She was the one who never started a conversation and hadn’t told her anything personal since she arrived in California.  
  
“I think I’m just gonna ask her if she wants to have dinner.” Chloe whispered sullenly. It wasn’t what she wanted to send, but things hadn’t been the way they used to. Chloe had changed and Beca most likely had, too. Their relationship had most definitely changed and it was silly to think she could act as if it hadn’t.  
  
“Oh, should I stay at Jimmy’s tonight?” The girl teased while her foot rubbed at Chloe’s leg.  
  
“You wish.” Chloe chuckled. “It’s not that kind of dinner, I’m afraid.”  
  
Danielle paid for lunch since Chloe covered the last one. They exited the restaurant and headed back to their apartment where they got inside Danielle’s car to drive to Walmart for household essentials. Five minutes before arriving, Chloe decided to check her phone again.  
  
**_Chloe: up for dinner tnigt? ;) xxx (12:06)  
_**  
**_Becs: sure let me just catch a plane to Kansas (12:22)  
_**  
Chloe smiled at her response. She could almost hear Beca’s tone of voice saying the words she was reading and Chloe was pretty sure if she closed her eyes, she could picture Beca’s exact facial expressions.  
  
**_Chloe: not necessary ;) ;) (12:43)  
_**  
Chloe tucked her phone in her pocket as she hopped out of the car and she followed Danielle into the retail store, but she didn’t even make it inside as she felt something vibrating in her jeans. Chloe knew what it was. Knew who it was. Knew what she’d hear as soon as she would pick up. And it made her smile just to know that no matter how long she hadn’t heard the girl’s voice or how much they had grown apart, Chloe would always know her in some way.  
  
“Dan!” Chloe hissed as she showed her the ringing phone.  
  
The girl pulled to a stop and jerked the phone right out of Chloe’s hand. “She _is_ cute.” Danielle stated as she stared at the temporary background that Chloe had yet to delete from Beca’s contact information. “But you gotta make her work for it. Be mysterious.” The young woman said as she declined the call and handed the phone back to its owner. “If she calls again, pick up and say you’re busy.”  
  
Chloe resisted at first, but she didn’t know what she should do. She knew if she picked up the phone, Beca would make her admit what she meant with her text and why she was in LA, which was a conversation Chloe wanted to have face-to-face.  
  
Beca knew exactly how to get Chloe to open up and Chloe doubted she forgot.  
  
Chloe wondered if she would call again, but when no text message returned, she knew she would. So she started to think about what to tell Beca when she were to try again. Chloe knew the time had come to be honest, but only to a certain degree. If in the worst possible case scenario, Beca would get mad at her for moving to Los Angeles –West LA to be specific, the area that coincidentally Beca lived in too- and hiding it from her for three months, at least she could make Beca understand.  
  
How she’d do that was an issue for another time, but she knew she could do that if Beca was physically in her presence. She couldn’t do that over the phone.  
  
Chloe tried to focus on what kind of cleaning supplies they’d need and what brand of facial tissues Danielle wanted, but all she was thinking about was Beca. It was like she was right back in that college dorm room with her, but that seemed like a lifetime ago.  
  
Her phone vibrated again and this time, due to Chloe’s nervousness and anxiety, she picked up before it even got to the second ring.  
  
“Beale, what the fuck are you talking about?!”  
  
“Hello to you, too.” Chloe smiled, feeling a sense of familiarity and comfort upon hearing and being able to speak to Beca again.  
  
“Don’t beat around it. What’s going on? Where are you?”  
  
Beca sounded like the girl she had always known. She sounded agitated at Chloe’s calm behavior, yet there was a tenderness in her voice. Chloe remembered a time even before they got together when Beca wasn’t necessarily sweet or kind, but there was that tenderness. There was always that tenderness. It was proof to Chloe that Beca cared, in whichever way that might have been, it was still there.  
  
Chloe knew she could survive whatever was coming her way due to that fact.  
  
“I’m actually in LA right now.” Chloe admitted. A weight was lifted from her shoulders. It felt like she was a thousand pounds lighter. Heavy backpacks with rocks of guilt and shame fell to the ground and her shoulders could finally move again.  
  
“You’re in LA?!” Beca said shocked. “Well where are you? Are you at the airport? I could come get you.”  
  
“No, no, I’m-“ Chloe said as the guilt and shame found its way back into her body and possibly even creeped into her chest. “Look, I can’t really talk right now.” She said in panic. “Just text me a restaurant and I’ll see you there, okay?”  
  
Chloe felt bad. About a lot of things regarding Beca, she felt bad. But in particular ending a phone call like that and leaving her questions unanswered. She knew it was only temporarily. Tonight, she would give Beca all the answers to her questions and many more apologies. There was nothing she could do until then, but it didn’t make her feel any better about it.

* * *

  
  
They had agreed to meet at seven, but Chloe arrived half an hour early.  
  
She was nervous. Inexplicably and undeniably nervous, among a few other emotions she did not want to identify at that time. It was strange to her, because when it came to Beca Mitchell, she was never nervous.  
  
She wasn’t nervous when she barged into Beca’s shower stall and went down on her.  
  
She wasn’t nervous about breaking down every barrier and conquering every obstacle, no matter how many times Beca resisted.  
  
She wasn’t even _this_ nervous when the two of them returned from her elderly home in Kansas and Chloe was about to bring up the one topic she wasn’t sure Beca would be open to.  
  
But Beca had been so close back then. She was right there, her hands touching her skin and her lips occasionally kissing hers and eventually, Chloe’s feelings returned by the younger woman.  
  
That intimate moment in that small dorm room felt like so many years ago. So much had happened since then that Chloe doubted they could ever be like that again.  
  
This time, Beca wasn’t near and she was definitely not in physical contact with her. She wasn’t there to calm Chloe down or put her at ease.  
  
This time Chloe had to get through it all by herself.  
  
She jumped out of her car and headed inside the restaurant where –surprisingly- Beca hadn’t arrived yet. Chloe took a seat facing the door and she ordered a wine to take care of her nerves for her. Eleven long minutes passed until the restaurant door flew open and Chloe was able to see Beca Mitchell again.  
  
She saw Beca before Beca saw her and it was a moment of bliss.  
  
Just a couple of seconds, Chloe could appreciate the young woman that was talking to the staff member near the front entrance.  
  
Beca looked the same at first glance. But the longer Chloe stared, the more changes she found.  
  
Beca’s hair was shorter and lighter. It barely fell over her shoulders and Chloe could swear she had her hair dyed a numerous amount of shades lighter. She hadn’t gone full blonde, but there were different shades of blonde locks mixed together with her former only auburn hair. The few curls she once had in her hairstyle had been straightened out almost professionally, and her hair seemed to be cut in layers.  
  
It was different, but Chloe liked it.  
  
The leather jackets Chloe once came to know so well seemed to have been traded for denim vests. She wore dark jeans with a belt which Chloe certainly hadn’t seen before. She had rings around her fingers and bracelets on her wrists that Chloe didn’t know Beca would like.  
  
Even though every item the girl wore and almost every aspect of her physical appearance had changed, it was still Beca beneath it all. Chloe could see her dark eyes and scolding look hiding beneath her softly applied foundation and thick mascara.  
  
She watched as Beca found her from across the room. Her eyes lingered for a fraction of a second before they returned to the waiter. Chloe followed Beca’s every move as she approached her. Her hand disappeared through her hair a couple of times, perhaps out of discomfort or embarrassment, Chloe didn’t know.  
  
Beca wouldn’t look at her the entire walk through the restaurant and Chloe knew she was uncertain how to start a conversation like this, so Chloe got up and took a few big steps towards the girl she hadn’t seen in months.  
  
“Ugh, you’re smothering me.” Beca complained to which Chloe simply hugged her even tighter. Beca laughed before breaking apart and taking a seat. “I can’t believe you’re here.” She said as her eyes stared at Chloe in adoration.  
  
“I know. I haven’t seen you since..”  
  
“Graduation.” Beca finished. Her lips pulled into a smirk for a fraction of a second and then Beca sucked her lips in to prevent anything more from giving away.  
  
Chloe knew she was remembering what had happened the day of Chloe’s graduation and it boosted her confidence to know Beca was thinking about it right now. “Yeah, graduation.” Chloe said teasing to drag out the moment. “You look great, Becs.” She said eventually.  
  
“Okay, you don’t have to mock me.” Beca scoffed as she looked around the room, obviously uncomfortable with Chloe’s eyes on her.  
  
“No, I’m serious! It’s different, but I like it.”  
  
“Well, I don’t.” Beca said and there was a hint of sadness in her smile. “They’ve been trying to make me look more approachable so more than three people will come to my shows, but they haven’t succeeded in that yet.”  
  
Chloe laughed, but she wanted to find those people and scold at them for changing Beca. She could see that she wasn’t happy with her appearances and to think that she’d have to be someone she’s not comfortable with for a job made Chloe angry.  
  
“So you’ve been having shows?” Chloe asked instead as she finished her wine.  
  
“Just one per week. The Tuesday night that no one wants.” Beca sighed as she leaned back into her chair. “I might get Thursday night soon, because Gary is planning on leaving and I’m the only remaining queer person who can take over gay night, so that’s good.” The girl shrugged.  
  
Chloe cringed at how it sounded, but then laughed at how chill Beca acted over it. “So what do you do the rest of the week?”  
  
“I just help around. It’s quite a big club and we’re open every day, so when it’s not my night or we have an event or something, I just bartend. Sometimes we have people who rent a certain room in the club, so I do the lighting or sounds.  Once, the bouncer didn’t show up and they placed me outside. Me!” Beca yelled as her hands present her body figure to Chloe, as if she was not at all familiar with it. “Can you imagine this five foot two of nothing acting as a bouncer? It was awful.”  
  
Chloe laughed and laughed at Beca’s stories and she couldn’t remember a time in the last five months where she was so unrestrictedly happy.  
  
“But yeah, they have me mostly behind the bar.” Beca smiled tight-lipped after they were done laughing.  
  
“That’s not really what you want, though.” Chloe had spoken surprisingly honest, something she wasn’t sure she had the right to do anymore.  
  
Beca nodded at her as she stared into her empty glass. “No, I guess it’s not.”  
  
“Are you happy?” Chloe asked. She had already been pushing boundaries and she figured she might as well continue with a question she had been wanting an answer for all night, if not longer.  
  
“Of course I’m happy.” Beca said as if it were insulting to think otherwise. “This is my dream. I’m not even twenty yet and I’m working in one of the biggest clubs of America. Just because I have to bartend every now and then doesn’t mean anything. Everyone has to do that. We have like, ten DJ’s. I’m lucky to even have one night a week.”  
  
Chloe smiled and accepted the girl’s words. If Beca said she was happy, who was she to think otherwise?  
  
She had made it halfway through dinner with talking about Beca’s job and her life in LA without having the tables turn on her, but eventually Beca didn’t fall for it anymore.  
  
“Enough about me!” She had sniffed. “Tell me about you. How’s life in Kansas? How are your parents?”  
  
Chloe took a big sip of her drink to prepare herself for what was bound to come. “My parents are great.” She said in a last attempt to dodge the inevitable.  
  
“That’s good.” Beca smiled lightheartedly. “So what brings you to LA? How long have you been here for?”  
  
Chloe felt her heart pick up its speed and she knew it was stupid, but her mind was coming up with excuses and lies, anything to prevent Beca from thinking she chased after her.  
  
“Actually, I’ve been here for a while.” Chloe swallowed hard.  
  
“Oh, really? Like a day or two?” Beca asked as she brought a spoonful of food to her mouth.  
  
“More like a month or two. Or three. Three months.” Chloe stumbled. She didn’t want to lie and she didn’t want to downplay her actions. She was relieved to finally be honest and tell Beca the truth, but the truth made her want to cry.  
  
She felt awful for keeping Beca at a distance, especially after seeing her again after all those months and realizing she hadn’t changed all that much. She had, but _her_ Beca was still very much present.  
  
Chloe had never lied to Beca before, not once. Not about anything small and definitely not anything as big as this. She had felt bad about it every day for the past three months, but now that her cards were finally on the table, she wanted to break down and cry.  
  
She felt terrible.  
  
“I’ve been living here for three months.” Chloe said carefully, following Beca’s every move.  
  
The girl chewed progressively slower on her food until Chloe was sure there was nothing left to chew on. “Living here?” Beca said confused. “What are you talking about?”  
  
“I moved here three months ago and I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.” Chloe answered fast. She didn’t really want to explain why she didn’t, she just wanted Beca to know she was sorry.  
  
“Why didn’t you tell me you lived here?”  
  
_Of course that was Beca’s next question.  
_  
Chloe had no choice. She knew when she made that deal with herself that one day she’d have to account for it. The thing was, she wasn’t sure she could. It didn’t even make sense to herself and she doubted telling Beca some incoherent story would convince her of her reasons.  
  
She went with the only explanation she could come up with that would be grounded. The only explanation she knew Beca would understand. Would accept.  
  
“I found an art institute here. I’ve been taking classes there and I didn’t want to tell anyone without making sure I liked it first.”  
  
“Beale, I would have understood.” Beca scoffed slightly.  
  
“I know, I just made this deal with myself that I wouldn’t tell anyone until I was sure this was it for me. I’ve changed my mind so many times before and Aubrey would kill me if she found out.” Chloe smiled apologetic. “I’m really sorry. I should have told you.”  
  
“You should have.” Beca scolded before laughingly shaking her head, as if she hadn’t expected anything less out of her. “So you like it? The art school?”  
  
Chloe smiled and took a deep breath in relief before telling Beca all about the institute, the theater and her roommate Danielle. They talked until they were the only remaining people in the restaurant and the staff was looking at them in desire of their departure. Even though Chloe didn’t want the night to end, she felt bad for the employees who seemed to be have been there for a while.  
  
“We should probably go.” Chloe said reluctantly. She put on her jacket even though that wasn’t necessary in California this time a year. “Where do you live?” She asked as they made it outside.  
  
“A few blocks away.” Beca answered nonchalant.  
  
“Where’s your car parked?” Chloe asked, hoping it would be a walk she could join the girl on.  
  
“Oh, no. I had a car for like a week and then I got rid of it. I get too angry driving around LA.” Beca explained.  
  
Chloe could almost picture the scene.  
  
“Come on, I’ll give you a ride.” She said.

* * *

  
  
Of course Beca wouldn’t let her drive. Instead, she stole her car keys and jumped behind the wheel.  
  
Chloe was fine with it. It felt like old times. Beca was driving and she was right next to her.  
  
Except it wasn’t like old times.  
  
Chloe could easily remember a time where Beca’s right hand would rest on her thigh as she navigated them through streets and over highways using her other. Chloe remembered how it made her feel.  
  
Safe.  
  
Loved.  
  
Protected.  
  
She could close her eyes and pretend Beca could bringing her that feeling again. That nothing had changed between them. That Chloe could reach out, grab the girl’s face like she always would and kiss her lips.  
  
But Beca’s right hand was wrapped firmly around the steering wheel, far away from reliving any past moments of bliss or just the remembrance of simpler times.  
  
Beca’s apartment was located in a neighborhood Chloe normally wouldn’t go to. Definitely not at night and alone, but she was in a car with Beca Mitchell and she figured nothing bad could happen to her there.  
  
At least nothing of physical harm.  
  
_Inside her chest, there was a storm raging that would last long after she would drop Beca off that night._  
  
“You live here?” Chloe asked rather judgmental as she counted the amount of cars in that street with tires missing from their vehicle.  
  
Beca laughed for a second. “Yeah, it’s actually quite nice. You wanna come up and see?”  
  
“I’d prefer not unlocking this car right now.” Chloe said scared. She heard honking cars and people screaming, which Beca claimed were kids having fun, but sounded like someone was in the middle of getting murdered.  
  
Chloe watched Beca jump out of the car and she had no choice but to overcome her irrational fears and follow.  
  
She wanted to see where and how Beca had lived those five months without her.  
  
She followed the girl up two sets of stairs and eventually into her apartment. There was no clear living room, bedroom or kitchen area. Everything was blended into one. Beca had a large double bed placed in the middle of the apartment with a TV placed in front of it. On the left side of it, Chloe could see a small fridge that seemed to serve as a nightstand as well.  
  
A few feet away, Chloe found what would most likely be the kitchen, except she couldn’t tell with all the dirty dishes taking up her view.  
  
She didn’t remember Beca as a messy person. She was always the one cleaning up after Chloe. Except for the dirty dishes filling up the girl’s sink and a few stray clothing items here and there, the room was impeccable and Chloe pondered shortly if those plates and glasses that would have been a week’s worth of just the girl’s, had perhaps meant she recently had people over who caused that mess and she hadn’t had the time to clean up yet.  
  
Chloe knew Beca would move on from her, in whichever way that meant. Yet it stung to think the girl might have a whole group of friends Chloe knew nothing about. She realized she might even have made a new best friend.  
  
Somehow that hurt more than the idea of Beca dating anyone new.  
  
Although that topic hadn’t come up yet and Chloe didn’t know if the girl was. It wasn’t unthinkable. Five months might not have been an extremely long time, but a lot of big changes happened in both of their lives and especially Beca had to grow up fast in a short amount of time.  
  
Chloe doubted she was mature enough at nineteen to move to one of the biggest cities of America all by herself, leaving behind every familiar face and street she knew to live on her own and try to make it in her chosen career field, which wasn’t a very typical one either. She couldn’t hide behind a desk or screen. Beca had to go on a stage and introduce people to her created art and hoped the crowd would like it.  
  
Chloe couldn’t think of anyone more brave than her friend.  
  
“It’s nice.” Chloe lied. The apartment had nothing but paint on its walls. No decoration. No photographs. Not even a clock.  
  
It lacked a certain feeling. It felt like someone under witness protection lived here. Anonymous and incognito. Nothing in the apartment made it Beca’s and Chloe wondered if she could remember anything Beca Mitchell once had that was truly _hers_.  
  
The only thing she could come up with was the girl’s laptop and her production station. Chloe found it in the outer corner of the room, among others. There was a high placed keyboard she didn’t yet know. Something that looked like an electric drum kit, but only forty percent of it. She even had a microphone standing between all of her equipment.  
  
“What is all this?” Chloe asked intrigued as she let her middle finger swipe over the musical keys.  
  
“I’ve just been trying to make more original stuff.” Beca mumbled humble. “It’s no big deal. I still play the same old stuff at work.”  
  
“Becs! That’s amazing!” Chloe yelled excitedly. She had heard hundreds -perhaps thousands- of Beca’s mixes in the past and everything always belonged to her. Yes, she mixed different artists’ songs together, but she did it in such a way that no one else could put their trademark on it.  
  
But now Beca had been working on her own tracks. Completely and one hundred percent her own. Chloe’s mind was blown. She couldn’t even imagine coming up with an original song. To create a beat and lyrics that no one had done yet, it was unthinkable for Chloe.  
  
“Let me hear! Play me something.” Chloe smiled slightly. She didn’t necessarily need to hear anything to be proud of the woman’s work. The knowledge of her progress had been enough.  
  
“Maybe some other time.” Beca chuckled embarrassed as she handed Chloe a canned beer and sipped on own herself.  
  
“No more Red Bull?” Chloe stated, because her lips wouldn’t form a smile. Something hurt her, but she couldn’t identify what caused it.  
  
“I’m an adult now, Beale. Adults don’t get through the day on caffeine. They use alcohol.” Beca said semi-serious as she dropped to her bed, which operated as a couch, too, it seemed. “I still can’t believe you’ve been here for the past three months.” Beca sighed heavily.  
  
Chloe thought she saw something shimmer in Beca’s dark eyes, but she didn’t dare to figure out what it was. “I know, it all went so fast.” Chloe spoke as she sat down at the edge of the piece of furniture.  
  
Her days of feeling comfortable on Beca’s bed had long past.  
  
“I’m glad you found something you like.” Beca told her which felt honest.  
  
“I am, too.” Chloe smiled as something made her heart skip a beat. “And I’m glad you did as well. You seem happy, Becs.” Chloe complimented, but she wasn’t sure if she did. Beca changed more than just the color of her hair and her choice of drink. Chloe didn’t know if the makeup she had on covered the bags under her eyes or if the girl’s tiredness would show in a less physical matter.  
  
Perhaps Chloe just couldn’t tell anymore.  
  
But Beca smiled and Chloe had to remind herself that this life had been the girl’s dream for so long. Beca Mitchell was happy and Chloe had to accept that. She couldn’t peel off layers searching for something that’s not there to reassure her mind that Beca was secretly miserable without having her in her life. She couldn’t do that to herself nor to Beca.  
  
“So are you seeing anyone?” Chloe asked blunt. It had been a question she had wanted answered for longer than just the course of this night, but she needed to know -now more than ever- if the girl’s happiness was rooted out of another person.  
  
“Oh, okay, you’re asking _the_ question.” Beca chuckled surprised as she rose to a seated position and chugged down her beer.  
  
“Oh my God, you are!” Chloe yelped out as she poked Beca’s side. She laughed and faked her excitement when deep down she wanted to run away and cry in the safety of her locked car.  
  
_That was still a very plausible scenario to happen later that night.  
_  
“No, no. I’m choosing not to answer.” Beca said matter-of-factly. “Because if I answer, then I’d have to ask you, and we both know what your answer will be.”  
  
Chloe’s mouth fell open in offence. “What are you saying!” Chloe screamed as she hit Beca’s arm repeatedly.  
  
“Nothing. Ah, nothing!” Beca winced in pain. “I’m just saying that I think, you know..” She said as if Chloe could easily guess the end of her sentence. “You’re dating someone.”  
  
“First of all, I can’t believe how rude you’re being.” Chloe acted as if she were upset when in reality she loved that Beca and herself were joking around again. “And for the record, I think you’re seeing someone, too.”  
  
“Well, I’m not.”  
  
Chloe was taken aback by the sudden honesty and it took her a second to catch up. “I’m not either.”  
  
Beca progressed the information in a fraction of a second, shrugged in interest and then left her space for a refill.  
  
“I can’t believe you just assumed I was in a relationship.” Chloe followed her to the small kitchen.  
  
“You did, too!” Beca said defensive.  
  
“I did, because you wouldn’t answer the question! You did, because you think I go from one relationship to the other.”  
  
“I never said that.” Beca smiled satisfied.  
  
“Your eyes gave you away, Becs.” Chloe winked as she playfully inched closer, suddenly in Beca’s personal space. The act caused the air between them to shift into something more intimate, something that made Chloe’s lungs falter and her skin itch.  
  
Chloe knew she could breathe again if only she moved back, but she didn’t. Beca was staring at her lips and she knew she’d rather have that blissful suffocation than any amount of fresh air in the world.  
  
Chloe reached out first.  
  
The denim jacket Beca was still wearing felt unfamiliar between her teasing fingertips. She rubbed it slowly, if only to gain time and power in this situation.  
  
Beca stepped closer.  
  
Chloe tried to make it seem like it was her doing, but her hand on the girl’s jacket wasn’t strong enough and her tugging came too late, causing Beca to bump into her body however slightly.  
  
Chloe watched Beca close her eyes and inhale deeply as she moved in. She awaited in anticipation for what Beca had brought her so many times before.  
  
Fireworks, the cheesy movies Beca hated would say.  
  
Chloe just called it ecstasy.  
  
A moment where Chloe felt her blood rush from the tips of her toes to her head. Just a second of pure bliss. Every ache and open scar inside her body was healed and for as long as Chloe would allow it, there was no world outside of Beca’s apartment.  
  
Beca deepened the kiss and the moment was over for Chloe.  
  
Not because of the action, but because Beca tasted like beer. Chloe had kissed Beca after a beer or two before, but it was eye-opening this time.  
  
The Beca she knew drank Red Bull and had dark curls of hair she could pull at. Chloe didn’t care what color hair she had or what kind of drink she liked, but it was a bitter realization that she didn’t know Beca anymore.  
  
“Wait.” She said as she abruptly broke up the kiss and threw her head back. “We’re doing it wrong.” Chloe whispered.  
  
Beca looked concerned. “Too much tongue?” She asked with a playfulness in her eyes. “Never mind, I forgot who I was talking to. Not enough tongue?” She continued her banter.  
  
Chloe smiled at the accuracy and she knew Beca would always know her in a certain way. However small. And so would she.  
  
“Becs,-“ Chloe started serious and she could hear Beca sigh, knowing she was aware that the moment had lost its fun. “The first time, we were living and sleeping together before we even knew each other. I don’t want to make the same mistakes again.” Chloe felt mature as she put her feelings to words, but part of her wished she could just act young and stupid.  
  
If only for one night.  
  
But she couldn’t. Chloe had never had any regrets when it came to her relationship with Beca, not even their rocky start. They didn’t do it right, but it still led them to love and Chloe figured it was worth it then. She wouldn’t change a thing if she could do that first time over again.  
  
Except they had a redo.  
  
At least that was what it felt like.  
  
They were both single and no longer miles apart. Chloe had the chance to be in Beca’s life again and she wanted to jump right in, like she did that day in the shower stalls of a campus that lived on in Chloe’s memory.  
  
She was eager to pick up where they had left off so many months ago, as if nothing had happened in that time apart. She wanted to start again as if they were still the same people with the same feelings. She wished to undo the break-up and just kiss her girlfriend again.  
  
Chloe couldn’t.  
  
She knew she would get the same outcome if she started this the exact way she did the first time; rushed and impatient. Something would happen and Beca would leave.  
  
_Beca would always leave.  
_  
“You’re right.” Beca spoke through clenched teeth and her eyes wouldn’t come anywhere near Chloe’s figure. She didn’t look angry. She just looked tired.  
  
“Look,-“ Chloe said as her hands caressed the girl’s upper arms. “-I just want to get to know you again, Becs. I love you, but I don’t know what’s going on in your life anymore. I want us to be best friends, like we used to be.”  
  
“I know.” Beca sighed. “I want that, too.”  
  
For the first time that day, Beca truly looked at her and Chloe could swear it was the same glistering in her pupils that she had seen so many times before. Most of the times, it wouldn’t even be during a conversation. Chloe would be painting or dancing around the room and she would find her roommate staring at her, an absent smile curling her lips as she looked at her.  
  
Chloe witnessed that glister moments before they finally became official.  
  
And later when they went their separate ways.  
  
There had been tears involved that specific occasion and heartache -so much heartache-, but there was still that glistering present in Beca’s eyes as she told her she loved Chloe.  
  
It would be easy to read into that right now. To assume something so little would mean something huge like love.  
  
Chloe didn’t know if she still felt the exact same way about the girl as she did five months back, but she was sure she still loved her. She had always loved Beca and a part of her always would.  
  
But for Beca, it had been different.  
  
Even though Chloe always knew she cared and loved her in her own way, Beca had only ever been able to tell her twice; first in a heated argument and later as she planned to leave her forever.  
  
Love worked different in Beca Mitchell’s handbook and Chloe knew that.  
  
She had always known that. She tried to figure it out. She spent nights trying to pretend she was asleep so maybe she’d hear Beca whisper she loved her like a normal, shy person would, but that never happened.  
  
Beca wasn’t shy and she wasn’t insecure about her feelings. There was just always a part of Chloe that hoped Beca was holding back. That the girl would be able to completely and irrevocably love her, feel it every second of the day in every part of her body and experience the need and desire to express those feelings.  
  
Like it had been for Chloe.  
  
But she knew it would never be like that for Beca and she had accepted that. She had, when she knew Beca chose to be with her and made an effort every day to show her that, in whatever small way possible.  
  
But now that they hadn’t been together anymore, not in a relationship way or any other kind, Chloe was unsure.  
  
Secretly, she wanted that reassurance again. She craved to hear about Beca’s feelings again or perhaps she longed for a lie. Something that had washed away somewhere in those months they had been separated.  
  
But she knew a confession like that -truthfully told or deceptive- would never be granted to Chloe. And she knew it because that was how Beca worked. She couldn’t change her. And she couldn’t allow herself to think more of simple gestures.  
  
Chloe couldn’t assume a look in Beca’s eyes was proof she still cared for her. Loved her perhaps, in her own way. In some way.  
  
It would be enough for Chloe, but she would never get that closure. Beca was not the kind of person who would be able to recognize the feeling, not to mention admit to that out loud, to Chloe.  
  
She wouldn’t, because she couldn’t. And Chloe understood. She loved her for the complicated mess she was, and she always would. Perhaps that would make her a great friend, if nothing else or more, she would want to be at least that.  
  
After months of being apart from Beca, she missed a friend more than a girlfriend.  
  
She missed being able to rant to her about her day. She wanted to tell her everything about Danielle, and the students in her classes, the kids in the theater and how much the grumpy one resembled Beca.  
  
She wanted to tease her again, laugh with her in the middle of the night and cry on her shoulder in the middle of the day.  
  
She wanted her friend back and whether that was a start for something greater or all it would ever be, Chloe would give anything to make that happen again.  
  
“Friends?” Chloe asked sheepish with a reached out hand.  
  
Beca looked awkward, sulky and tired. Two of those were a constant in Beca Mitchell’s personality, but Chloe wondered if she caused the latter. She had hoped that the conversation had drained her. That it was her doing and not something beyond her control. Something greater and more powerful. Something that lived only in Beca’s darkest corners of her mind.  
  
“Friends.” Beca agreed with a resolute nod and a tight-lipped smile.  
  
The world outside of the young woman’s apartment started to roar again, demanding their attention and insisting their recognition to it, but while Beca’s hand rested in Chloe’s, there was nothing else to acknowledge.  
  
There was only Beca and that damned look in her eyes.


	2. September: Part Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quick thanks for the love I received after the first chapter! Can't wait for you people to read everything I have in mind for this little fic!

Beca didn’t know what to do when her dream finally became reality, when her feet came in contact with Los Angeles’ warm land, when everything she had ever wanted in life was staring her straight in the face, dangerously close and terrifyingly obeying to Beca’s orders.  
  
It didn’t feel like she thought it would.  
  
At first, Beca thought it was because she had that bitter aftertaste from leaving the girl she had loved behind. She couldn’t fully enjoy her new life, because she held onto Chloe.  
  
Beca had started over so many times and cutting ties had never been a problem, but somehow she couldn’t convince herself to let go of the girl back in Louisiana. She found herself texting and answering the girl’s phone calls as if she hadn’t ripped Chloe’s heart out and left her in a life she couldn’t settle for.  
  
Beca had felt guilty.  
  
The one thing she promised herself she wouldn’t do, she did in the most horrendous way possible. She walked away from perhaps the only person who ever loved her, understood her and wanted what’s best for her.  
  
It turned out the best was a life without Chloe and Beca had a hard time accepting that.  
  
Beca was forced to experience the event she had gotten so used to from a new perspective. For the first time –despite the fact that she had been the one that walked out the door-, she felt like she was the one who got left behind.  
  
Every previous time, Beca had no issue to forget and move on from whatever her life held. She would often leave and never look back, with no clue or interest to understand how the ones left behind felt. But she could imagine now, because Beca felt it.  
  
That deep-rooted feeling of heartache mixed with the regret that things could have been different and the hope that they one day would be.  
  
After numerous weeks, that feeling started to fade, slow but surely.  
  
Beca didn’t check her phone every five minutes to see if Chloe had responded anymore. She stopped telling her the detailed version of her day. And after a while, Beca even found herself falling asleep without texting the girl goodnight.  
  
And it wasn’t because Beca had moved on. It happened because she figured Chloe had.  
  
The fresh-out-of-college graduate had moved back to Kansas to start the new chapter in her life and even though Beca had done so, too, it hurt to know Chloe was finding her way and spending her days without Beca around.  
  
It didn’t feel like Beca was moving on.  
  
She had moved to another state and she had a job that other people of her age could only dream of, but Beca was stuck. Her feet may have walked the streets of West Los Angeles on a daily base, her head was still in Louisiana and perhaps joined the flight to Kansas.  
  
An irrational part of herself thought her life in California would become the one she had always imagined it to be if she would just get Chloe out of her head.  
  
And when Chloe gave up on daily –sometimes even weekly- contact, Beca found it easier to try and be successful in a field she had worked so hard to get into.  
  
Her job had started off amazing.  
  
Brandon, the manager of the club, had showed her around and introduced her to everyone during her first day. She was offered to play that very night to show off her skills, which she happily did on that busy Friday night.  
  
The crowd hadn’t been anything Beca had ever seen before. People from different backgrounds, different beliefs and sexuality came together to hear her music. All genders from different generations were present and Beca was astonished.  
  
Perhaps it had been due to the high level of that very first night that Beca had trouble adjusting to her assigned Tuesday evenings.  
  
Everything was just a little less.  
  
Less people. Less cheering. Less energy.  
  
But Beca dealt with it and she tried to give a hundred and ten percent every time her hands would come in contact with the controls, no matter the amount of people on the dancefloor.  
  
If Beca were honest, it weren’t the Tuesdays that killed it for her. It was every other night.  
  
Every night that Beca couldn’t play –every night that wasn’t Tuesday-, Brandon had Beca helping out the bartenders. At first, she didn’t mind. She was still impressed with the club and she wanted to help out whichever way she could.  
  
The bartenders were hard working people and Beca got along with most of them. She got along with her male coworkers a little more, because –apart from the Bellas- Beca had never been the kind of person who had a lot of female friends, but the ladies were really nice and they accepted Beca as a part of the team.  
  
But after a few weeks, Beca got bored behind that bar. It wasn’t what she had moved across the country for and it had definitely not been what she had left Chloe for.  
  
Beca could feel herself getting agitated over that current situation. She was angry at nothing and no one in particular, except perhaps herself. She blamed everyone else, however. Kevin, her dad and Chloe for forcing her to go to LA. Brandon for benching her most nights. The other DJs for playing at nights she wasn’t.  
  
Beca wasn’t happy, but she couldn’t admit to that.  
  
She had the life she had always wanted. She had left everything and everyone to work in that particular club in LA and she hadn’t earned the right to complain about it.  
  
She hadn’t earned the right to be unhappy.  
  
A few months in, Beca had accepted that fact and she had made her peace with how her life had turned out. She tried to work as much as she could, pick up every shift behind the bar and contribute to every private party people booked a room for.  
  
Beca didn’t mind those. She enjoyed working the lights or controlling the sound panel. It was something different and it kept Beca from becoming bored, but she always held out hope that one day in the near future Brandon would ask her to DJ at those special events.  
  
_Of course, he never did.  
_  
Beca decided to take all of her frustration over her current job and use that as fuel in her mission to create more and better music. The first thing she bought was a keyboard and she used that to make tunes in her songs.  
  
Yet she didn’t just want to be able to use the keyboard as a secondhand production station. Everyone could press a few buttons and make it work, but Beca wanted to learn how to play. She watched instruction videos online and she ended up locking herself away and working on new tracks every free moment she had to a point where Beca would sometimes forget what day it was.  
  
“Happy birthday, tiger.”  
  
Beca hadn’t necessarily forgotten her own birthday, but she just didn’t care much about it.  
  
“Did Brandon tell you?” Beca sighed as she opened the door more inviting to let her favorite bartender in, even though she would never tell him that.  
  
“I may have stolen your file from his office the first week you were with us.” Morgan chirped as he entered and shoved the homemade cake in Beca’s hands to freely snoop around the apartment.  
  
Beca had to slap his hands from personal items more than once. “Stop it and sit your ass down.” She scolded as she retrieved a knife from the kitchen. She hadn’t had breakfast yet and the cake looked like a decent start of the day.  
  
“I would, but I don’t know where. Where’s your couch?” Morgan asked judgmental.  
  
“Don’t have one.” Beca shrugged as she jumped up the kitchen counter and started eating.  
  
Morgan scoffed mockingly before joining Beca on the small counter and digging his hands in the cake. “Why didn’t you tell us it’s your birthday? You know we have traditions.”  
  
Beca did know and that was a huge part of why she didn’t tell the crew. She had been a part of a few birthday celebrations so far. Either before or after opening hours, they would turn the club into a personal circus. Helium balloons and cannons filled with confetti would take over the dancefloor. People would poorly sing and throw pieces of birthday cake at each other and one way or another, one of the guys would always end up running around naked.  
  
It was a mess and though Beca liked it when it had been targeted at other people, she couldn’t say she would be interested in the same treatment.  
  
“You know, you’re kind of a weirdo.” Morgan stated.  
  
“Thanks.” Beca returned with a roll of her eyes.  
  
“I mean, it’s your birthday and you’re hiding out in your shitty apartment all by yourself.”  
  
Beca couldn’t take offense. The few people that had been inside her place had all said the same, but she didn’t care. Her apartment wasn’t anything fancy. It wasn’t even _pretty_ , but it was hers and no one else’s.  
  
It was where Beca could come home to and be herself, no expectations or judgement.  
  
“Why? What do normal people do on their birthday?” Beca asked with zero interest as she handed the five-year-older man a beer.  
  
“We usually start the day crying.” Morgan spoke serious as he cracked open the beer with his bare hands, to which Beca felt the need to do the same even though there was an opener right behind her. “Then we collect our gifts and return them for cash. And eventually we awkwardly sit and watch people sing to us, unaware of what the correct social response is in that situation.”  
  
“You and awkward?” Beca spoke sarcastic.  
  
“Oh, not me. I dance as people sing to me. I’m not a normal person, either.” Morgan said as he jumped off the counter and showed off his impressing moves, which looked like a mixture of the Running Man and some sort of Latin dance.  
  
“And you have the nerve to call me a weirdo.” Beca laughed slightly. The man was crazy and always managed to put a smile on her face, often times when he was trying least to.  
  
“Either way, you shouldn’t be alone on your birthday.”  
  
Beca shrugged as the bell rang and she hopped off the counter to answer the door. “Miss. Rodriquez.”  
  
“Beca.” The middle-aged woman spoke in a beautiful Spanish accent as she handed over a stack of what Beca assumed was her mail.  
  
“Again?” She mumbled as she skipped through the letters.  
  
“It might be because your box is always full.” The neighbor said slightly lecturing.  
  
“I’ll be right on that.” Beca lied. “Thanks, Miss. Rodriquez.” She closed the door and rolled her eyes before turning back to Morgan. “See, I’m not alone. I have Miss. Rodriquez.”  
  
“Yeah, she looks like fun.” Morgan scoffed before making its way over and stealing the recently received content out of Beca’s hands. “Boring. Boring. Boring.” The man stated as he rummaged through the mail. “Oh, what do we have here?”  
  
Morgan held one letter in specific with handwriting that Beca could recognize any day and identify out of a hundred lookalikes. She tried to snatch it from his hands, but the taller individual turned and kept it high in the air and out of Beca’s reach as he made a game out of it.  
  
“Oh, it’s from someone important. I didn’t know you had someone like that, Beca.”  
  
And she didn’t.  
  
She had, but she left her three months ago.  
  
Beca usually didn’t have the ability to notice something or someone’s absence. She didn’t miss Louisiana, she definitely didn’t miss the university and she couldn’t even say she missed that life.  
  
But she missed Chloe.  
  
Immensely, at first. Beca forced herself to forget about the girl and she succeeded to a certain point, yet the remembrance of Chloe and how she used to make her feel was never far from her memory.  
  
Beca dealt with things differently than Chloe.  
  
She knew Chloe liked to go through extremes. She would allow herself to feel everything and deal with it in order to move on. Beca, on the contrary, liked to push everything to the side and ignore whatever was haunting her.  
  
This is how she knew that -while she had been the one that seemed fine from her first day in Los Angeles-, Chloe would be the one that would have moved on before her.  
  
Beca didn’t know when that would happen, but her mind had speculated she might already have. It’s why she didn’t expect there to be a card from her ex-girlfriend in the mail.  
  
Communication had gotten harder between the two of them in those few weeks prior to Beca’s birthday. Beca couldn’t pinpoint when that started, but it changed rapidly. Suddenly, Beca found it harder to talk to the girl she used to be able to tell everything to. She was pushing Chloe away and the girl didn’t make an effort to pull her back in.  
  
Beca always knew it was just a matter of time before Chloe would see her for the liability she had felt her entire life.  
  
She couldn’t blame her.  
  
Beca wasn’t programmed like the rest of the world. She didn’t feel things the way others did. She only ever told Chloe she loved her seconds before walking out of her life forever. She felt jealous of the fact that Chloe had moved on without her, even though she was the one who left. And perhaps –if she were to be frank- she was angry, too.  
  
Beca had no right to be angry, but she was. She was angry at every single person in Kansas who laid eyes on Chloe, every street that she walked through that wasn’t hers, every joke Chloe laughed at that wasn’t coming from Beca’s mouth.  
  
She didn’t know how to deal with the constant flow of disgusting feelings she had rushing through her petite body, so she simply did not.  
  
She ignored most of Chloe’s messages or responded days later with a handful of words that felt meaningless nonetheless which led to less incoming texts from the particular girl.  
  
It was simply easier that way.  
  
“Who’s Chloe?” Morgan teased as he peeked over her shoulder.  
  
“None of your business.” Beca groaned as she closed the birthday card and hid it between the rest of the mail.  
  
Unfortunately, despite her many efforts, Morgan stayed with her for the entire duration of the day and he ended up inviting the rest of their coworkers –because _of course_ her birthday fell on the first day of the week which meant the club wasn’t open and apparently no one had better things to do on a Monday evening- and he even invited some friends of his that Beca had never met before.  
  
Beca didn’t mind the fact that her place was filled with people she barely knew. Apart from the congratulations she received on people’s way in, it didn’t feel like it was her party. Beca didn’t like to be the center of attention and luckily these people respected that.  
  
Morgan went on a few trips to the grocery store to fill Beca’s forever empty fridge and provide the unannounced guests from food and drinks.  
  
Beca didn’t know why he cared so much whether or not she spent that particular Monday in late June alone, but she could appreciate it.  
  
The only disadvantage of a party with multiple co-DJ’s in the room was that Beca could barely play. Whenever she sneaked in and stole the controls from someone, another person was quick to work her out and before she knew it, she was back in the kitchen’s corner, throwing deadly eyes at Morgan for allowing this to happen.  
  
“Cheer up, pretty!” He said as his arm fell over Beca’s shoulders and he pulled her towards his chest. The tiny girl had to fight to get out from under his touch.  
  
“Jerk.” Beca mumbled as she fixed her fumbled hair.  
  
“Do you like your party?” The twenty-four year old spoke clearly affected by the amount of alcohol in his blood.  
  
“No.” Beca stated, but it had been a lie and the man knew it.  
  
“You could just say ‘ _thanks, Morgan’_! ‘ _You’re the best, Morgan_!’”  
  
Beca rolled her eyes at him and didn’t unclench her jaw until she was a few feet away from him.  
  
For the first time since renting the apartment, Beca started to regret not having a few separate rooms or simply one she could lock herself in to hide from the continuously growing crowd that preferably wouldn’t smell like urine.  
  
“It’s not the best party, is it?” A black-haired woman who was somehow shorter than Beca stated.  
  
Beca couldn’t take offense in such truthful words. She looked around the room and found almost everyone in the room dancing to the poorly mixed hip-hop songs.  
  
The woman introduced herself as Amy and she was a nice twenty-one year old. She wore a plain white t-shirt and ripped jeans to the so-called party. Her fingers held a cigarette which she casually brought to her lips every now and then and her eyes were always fixated on the DJ.  
  
Beca liked her style and she thought she was pretty, but nothing more. Beca didn’t feel any sort of connection nor did she want to.  
  
Which was funny, because five minutes after exchanging names, Beca’s lips were kissing the girl’s. They were soft between Beca’s own, but they weren’t anything special.  
  
A knock on Beca’s front door interrupted the kiss and since she was near the entrance, she decided to get it and see how many more people Morgan had invited.  
  
Except the person on the other side was no acquaintance of Morgan. It had been a friend of Beca’s.  
  
She could have never predicted a kiss with a stranger would ever get interrupted by a Beale, and even though it wasn’t the Beale she would have hoped to see again, she was happier than she had been in a while.  
  
“John!” Beca yelled beyond belief as she hugged him quickly. She needed that contact to know he was real, but when she got that confirmation, a sudden sense of emotion washed over her. She was remembered of previous and simpler times. “What the fuck are you doing here?”  
  
“A brother’s friend of mine had his bachelor party in Vegas and we decided to make a trip out of it. It wasn’t planned, but I thought what better day to come to LA and surprise you?”  
  
Beca hit the boy’s arm, one last desperate move in favor of contact that would reassure her that he was really here. She couldn’t get away with another hug, nor would she want to.  
  
John had changed.  
  
His once black, short hair had grown to almost shoulder-length. He seemed taller and he had definitely been working out.  
  
But some things would never change, like the dimples in his cheeks when he smiled and how much he resembled Chloe when he did so.  
  
“And who might this be?” Morgan said skeptical as he draped his arms around Beca’s neck in a strangely possessive manner.  
  
Beca pushed him off of her before doing the introductions.  
  
“John Beale is in, everybody!” Morgan had yelled to which the people inside the apartment started cheering and raising their cups, as if they had any idea who the boy was.  
  
Beca was once again reminded of what a solid crowd-pleaser Morgan was. He had that charisma that you would want in a professional DJ. With just a few words –any words- he could get the attention from everyone in the room and keep it with him until he decided it had been enough.  
  
Beca figured that was why Morgan played Friday nights while she was forever stuck on Tuesdays.  
  
“Don’t take this the wrong way, but you have more friends than I thought you would.” John scoffed as he drank from a red cup he was handed by one of the other guests.  
  
“Thanks.” Beca rolled her eyes in offense before she grabbed his hand and dragged him after her into the only private place at that time. Beca’s bathroom had been a mess, partially due to the unannounced flow of visitors into her house, but the room had blocked every sound apart from the beats the DJ created using her tools.  
  
John sat on the side of the bath tub while Beca closed the seat and took her place on the toilet. The young man from Kansas asked her about her life in Los Angeles and Beca felt like she was lying, even though she was providing him with actual facts.  
  
Often times, Beca had wondered if she wasn’t simply being ungrateful. She had the job she had always dreamt of, she had some of the best and hardworking coworkers and had somehow befriended most of them. She had an apartment in West LA that wasn’t anyone else’s. She worked hard and got paid for making music.  
  
Sometimes, she forgot all of that in the midst of things.  
  
“How’ve you been?” Beca asked eventually. Her cheeks hurt from the fake smile she had to force on herself while telling her friend about her so-called dream life and she was much more interested in life back in Kansas.  
  
John started to inform her of the changes in his personal life and it was then that Beca realized she wanted –more than anything- to hear how the other Beale in Kansas was doing.  
  
“Yeah?” Beca had hummed absently. “That’s cool. How about your parents? Everyone’s good?” She mumbled pretending not to care as she fiddled with her own fingers, but she heard the boy scoff and she knew she hadn’t performed to the act.  
  
“You could just ask me about her, Beca.”  
  
And Beca knew that she could. She could easily ask John about her ex-girlfriend, the young man’s sister. She also knew she could simply get her phone and ask Chloe herself.  
  
But she couldn’t.  
  
She didn’t really know why she couldn’t. She wanted to hear that Chloe was okay, but she was afraid of how _okay_ the girl would be. She was petrified to hear that Chloe had moved on, but the idea that she was alone and perhaps feeling the same or similar way to how Beca felt also ached.  
  
It was easier for Beca to stay in the unknown.  
  
John got up from his seat, took the empty cup from Beca’s clenched hands and kissed the top of her head. “She’s fine.” He whispered before he exited the tiny bathroom.  
  
Beca felt relieved and angry at the same time.  
  
She waited a moment before following John into the main area where she found the young man staring at the DJ behind her personal equipment.  
  
“Do you mind if I try?” John asked her with an excited and semi-childish grin on his face. Beca simply couldn’t say no to that face. “Ever since Thanksgiving, I’ve been practicing a little.” The boy admitted shy.  
  
Beca felt a sense of motherly pride swirl in her chest as her mind took her back to that faithful day. It seemed like such an unimportant moment she shared with her former girlfriend’s brother, but apparently he experienced it differently.  
  
Beca acted like it wasn’t a big deal as she shrugged and led the youngest Beale towards her DJ equipment, while deep down, she was fighting away tears. The remembrance of that day and perhaps events before and after her teaching lesson with John Beale led her to feel a rush of emotions that Beca quickly controlled and pushed far away.  
  
She also pushed Morgan _physically_ away from her equipment and made room for John. She played a default beat as the man got himself ready and again a feeling of pride washed over her. She hadn’t seen the young adult in months, yet she considered him her own brother.  
  
John made eye contact, smiled and nodded which served as Beca’s sign to get her hands off of the controls. There fell a silence over the room for a fraction of a second before beautiful piano play came to life. Beca couldn’t follow every move that John’s fingers made against the keys, but she tried to nonetheless, because she was hypnotized.  
  
John operated the keys like a professional pianist and every sound echoed more beautifully than the one before.  
  
The young man threw in some beats before he turned towards the microphone –his fingers forever in contact with the keyboard- as he started to sing lyrics unfamiliar to Beca.  
  
He resembled such an old soul in that moment, as he played the piano almost professionally and sang about loneliness and getting over someone. His beats –though fitting- were simple and basic and Beca decided instead of staring at her friend longer than she already had, she would help him out in that area, -the only area he seemed in need of improvement.  
  
Beca picked up on his song fast. She did some tricks with the controls and made sure to drag out the building of the beats to eventually a satisfying drop. The people in her apartment seemed to enjoy themselves, but more importantly to Beca, so did John. He was laughing and jumping and he seemed happier than Beca remembered ever seeing him.  
  
She wanted to shower him in compliments by the time his song came to an end, but Beca managed a smile and a nod, and hoped the young boy would understand what it meant.  
  
“Dude, that was fucking crazy! Did you just come up with that on the spot? That was mental, mate!”  
  
Contrary to Beca, Morgan had no trouble expressing himself and Beca knew he was being honest in his excitement, because his vocabulary would shift to that of an English man.  
  
“No, it’s just something I wrote a while back.”  
  
“That’s bollocks, ain’t it, Beca?!”  
  
“Please stop with the accent. It’s weird.” Beca mumbled in judgment.  
  
“Hey, are you by chance looking for a job?” Morgan spoke as he wrapped an arm around John and pulled him close to him and away from Beca. John glanced back for a split second, but Beca waived him off with a roll of her eyes.  
  
She knew Morgan all too well to try and stop him.  
  
The rest of her unplanned birthday party lasted too long for Beca’s liking. By three a.m., most people had finally left and she could get herself in bed. John had left a little earlier on to join his friends at a bar and Beca forced Morgan to stay and spend the night at her place. He claimed he would be able to drive home, but his eyes were glassy and his feet moved uncoordinated and if that wasn’t proof enough, his bad breath was.  
  
She regretted not having a couch for a split second as she watched Morgan undress and head for her king size bed, which was literally the only place for him to sleep. But a few seconds later, as the half-naked man got comfortable under her bed sheets and passed out a few inches away from her, Beca realized she was just awkward about the social rules in a situation like that. Luckily, Morgan didn’t care about those and Beca could relax and sleep fine that night.  
  
Of course, regret peeked back up again the following morning when she found a pair of arms hugging her and a scrappy man’s voice begging her to spoon him.  
  
Beca kicked the man out of her bed and onto the Californian streets.

* * *

  
  
In the weeks that followed, Beca started to cope and adjust better with the life she had chosen to live. She stopped trying to convince Brandon she could handle busier nights in the club and instead focused on the one night a week she did have. She worked harder, came up with better mixes and even her original content improved rapidly.  
  
After Beca had learned the basic tricks of playing the keys with a little help from John during their weekly video chat sessions, Morgan had gifted her a small electrical drum kit that she could use to create better and realistic bass lines with. Beca loved to create something that was entirely produced by herself, from scratch into a full track covering every aspect of it. She loved that everything was hers and it seemed there was no end to her inspiration. New songs kept pouring out of her.  
  
In the meantime, Beca picked up every shift she could get behind the bar in the popular club. She started to care less about her tasks as she focused on what was most important, which was the fact that she was here. She had made it to LA. She had managed to get a job at one of the fastest-growing clubs on the West Coast. She was a DJ. She had the freedom to play whatever she wanted to. She was making enough money to pay her bills and then some.  
  
She was doing well.  
  
She was succeeding.  
  
There was still time to be better. She was only nineteen and there was more than enough time to improve her skills and her life.  
  
And Beca tried –with every fiber in her tiny body- to convince herself that that was enough.

* * *

  
  
Beca started to get used to her life in California. She started to become accustomed to her scheduled working hours and everything around that. There were only two aspects in her current situation that she had trouble adjusting to. The first one was the heat in this part of the country. Louisiana counted some hot days as well, but it was a different kind of warmth in Los Angeles. The sun was always shining down on the busy streets, often times with no cloud to block its heat for even a second or two. There was no wind in the midst of summer, nothing to give Beca that sense of relief every time she walked in the sun’s full view.  
  
In the almost five months that Beca had been in LA, she had perhaps had five days where it rained. Now, she wasn’t a fan of rainfall, but Beca longed for some colder weather. She was tired of t-shirts and burnt skin. Beca yearned for sweaters and jackets, crawling under a blanket in the evening as the rain softly ticked on her windows, demanding her attention as she would drink her hot chocolate.  
  
But as August passed and September arrived, Beca wondered if those days would ever come.  
  
The second thing Beca had trouble adapting to was the absence of Chloe Beale in her life. Beca still thought about the girl every day, but she didn’t look back. She didn’t wonder if she made a mistake leaving her. She didn’t dream about what would have happened to them if Beca had stayed. She didn’t regret not asking Chloe to come with her one last time on the girl’s day of graduation.  
  
Because it would be useless. Beca couldn’t change the past, nor would she want to.  
  
What she did regret, was every single day she allowed to pass by without so much as a text message or a phone call. That was on Beca and she had the power to change that, but somehow, the more days that went by unspoken, the harder it got to start a conversation.  
  
Beca no longer had it in her to pretend she was doing A-OK and she couldn’t bare the idea of Chloe moving on without her. She didn’t want to hear it. She liked that she could fantasize about it late at night. She liked that she could guess. Some nights she would imagine Chloe in a relationship with a new person, working a job she liked and enjoying whatever pleasures Kansas had to offer her. Other times, she would picture Chloe alone in her childhood bedroom, crying over Beca in the complete dark.  
  
Both were equally painful.  
  
It had been on an early Sunday morning that Beca received a text again. It had been a few weeks since she had heard from Chloe at all, even though she had deleted that proof, because Beca couldn’t stand to look back on old messages. They hurt too much.  
  
**_Beale: hey what are you doing today? xxx (9:11)_**  
  
Beca read the message and instantly felt empty. She put the phone down and turned in her bed. It was another meaningless message. It had been written with caution and disinterest. It wasn’t the old Chloe she used to know. The Chloe that would text her in all capital letters about something she had seen on her way to wherever it was she was going. The life and entertainment was gone and Beca pondered if she were responsible for that.  
  
Despite the few hours of sleep that night, Beca couldn’t find another moment of rest. Chloe was inside her head and she had no idea how to get her out. She tried to distract herself by cleaning the apartment and later herself, and eventually replied as meaningless and indifferent as Chloe’s text had been.  
  
Beca didn’t know how to act around the girl anymore, even if she were a thousand miles away from her physically. It felt like every honest or real thing she would say, would only put more distance between them, so they both stuck to decent, small talk.  
  
Beca left her phone in the bathroom as she started to get dressed. She had barely gotten started when a knock on her door to the tune of The Flintstones’ intro required her to move. As if that didn’t gave the man away, Beca could hear him sing along at the top of his lungs.  
  
“Morgan.” Beca stated annoyed as she cracked the door open in nothing but her underwear.  
  
The man’s eyes traveled shortly over her body before he locked eyes with her and grinned. “You know, if you were my type, we could make such beautiful babies.”  
  
Beca rolled her eyes and slammed the door back to its previous position. If it weren’t for Morgan’s fast reflexes, it would have hit him square in the face. “I’m sorry I’m not a model.” Beca spoke as she lifted herself in tight jeans.  
  
“What can I say? I like my women tall and blonde.”  
  
“Unfortunately, those women don’t like you.” Beca had replied casual as she crossed the room half dressed, deciding that her apartment was too humid to be wearing a shirt. She didn’t care if Morgan was around. It was her apartment and if he didn’t like it, he could leave.  
  
“Don’t be jealous, B. You’re beautiful, too. We could just never work. I mean, not as anything serious, anyway.” Morgan teased as he inched closer to Beca in a flirtatious manner.  
  
She simply poked him just below his ribs and the man cringed in response.  
  
Beca knew Morgan was only playing. There had never been any kind of romantic connection between the two of them and it had been obvious since the very first day they met. Morgan had a lot in common with Beca, but everything that they contradicted were large issues that they couldn’t deal with.  
  
Even though Morgan was a more outgoing person than Beca that loved a party every now and then, the two DJ’s shared a passion to dislike almost everything in the world. Beca had the most fun when she could bartend with the man, because it involved judging every person that came to their bar. Beca wasn’t much for insulting people’s physical appearance –something that Morgan loved to joke about-, but she could complain about the dumb questions or remarks people made every night.  
  
Morgan shared the same overall uninterested behavior that was programmed into Beca a long time ago, but whenever the girl grew honestly angry or annoyed, he didn’t know how to handle it. Whatever his reaction was, it seemed to always be the wrong one.  
  
Beca didn’t need someone to tell her she was being irrational or overreacting, or that everything was going to work out fine. She needed resistance. She needed someone who would put up a fight. Someone who wouldn’t be scared to get in her face, even if her knuckles were bruised and bleeding.  
  
Beca didn’t blame Morgan. There hadn’t been many people in her life that were able to manage her during her rages of anger.  
  
And in return, Beca had trouble dealing with the older fellow’s gloomy moods. He would shut himself out at times and Beca couldn’t reach him. Didn’t try to. Didn’t know how to. She found ways to get him to laugh again, but never learned the reason behind his depressed moods. Beca was old enough to understand there didn’t necessarily had to be a reason for them, but she was also aware that if there was, she wouldn’t be the best person for him to talk to.  
  
Beca barely managed to fight her own demons, she couldn’t take on his as well.  
  
It made them good friends –a couple of judgmental bartenders who could have as much fun crashing a party as they would staying in and napping together-, but never anything more than that.  
  
“Did you just come here to insult me or do you actually have something you want?” Beca muttered as she made a cup of coffee. She never really liked the taste of it, but it would always live up to its expectations and awake her the way only alcohol otherwise could, which wouldn’t be the best idea for a Sunday morning.  
  
“No, that was it. But now that I’m here..” The man shrugged as he stole Beca’s mug and drank the hot content.  
  
He spent the morning annoying Beca and eventually left to get groceries to make lunch. Beca’s fridge seemed to always be empty. She didn’t like going grocery shopping. She usually picked up whatever she needed for the day or the next before or after a shift, but that meant her refrigerator was never full.  
  
Beca worked on some new tracks as Morgan returned and somehow used every single pan and plate she owned to make them lunch. Beca dropped herself on her bed with Morgan’s homemade dish in hand and checked her phone for no particular reason as she saw she had gotten another text from Chloe.  
  
Usually, she wouldn’t reply so fast. A simple conversation would get stretched over multiple days, at least in the last few months.  
  
**_Beale: up for dinner tnigt? ;) xxx (12:06)  
_**  
Beca rolled her eyes at the sudden playfulness and responded without thinking about it.  
  
**_Beca: sure let me just catch a plane to Kansas (12:22)_**  
  
Per usual, Morgan could make a mess, but he couldn’t clean up after himself. He threw every dirty piece of china and used cooking material in the small sink and it was no surprise it couldn’t fit.  
  
“I’m bored.” He stated as he returned to the bed. “What are we gonna do today?”  
  
It was another thing Beca couldn’t deal with. His constant need for attention and desire to be kept busy. Beca wasn’t an entertainer, even if she were a professional DJ. She liked to spend her free time doing nothing and preferably with no people around.  
  
Morgan –unfortunately- worked the exact opposite. When the grown-up grew honestly bored, he needed to surround himself with as many people as possible to get rid of that feeling.  
  
“I don’t know, Morg.” Beca sighed, well aware that once the man was bored, he was going to drag her along on some adventure. “What do you want to do?”  
  
“Let’s go to Santa Monica!”  
  
Beca dropped her head, slightly regretting ever opening the door for the man that morning, but accepting they were going to Santa Monica. She changed clothes, filled some water bottles and packed whatever snacks she had in her cabinets. Just on her way out, Beca decided to check her phone and found another message from Chloe.  
  
She didn’t understand it at first and she had to read back what they were talking about to even have the slightest hint, but it wasn’t a clear one. Her thumb moved on instant, but the call wasn’t accepted and eventually went to voicemail.  
  
Beca cursed as she read the message again, but she didn’t want to speculate. She wanted a clear statement that would indicate what Chloe meant. Of course, this was the time that the girl decided to return to her playful nature.  
  
“What’s taking so long?” Morgan panted as he seemed to have ran back up the stairs to check where Beca was.  
  
“I don’t know.” Beca whispered honestly. “I think Chloe is here.”  
  
“Who’s Chloe?” Morgan asked, like he did on that Monday back in June.  
  
Beca looked up and realized she had never told him about her. It hadn’t been anyone’s business and Beca didn’t want anyone to know. She didn’t want to inform anyone of how great and amazing Chloe was. She didn’t want people to know about her. “No one.” She lied with a smile that hurt more than just her cheeks as she passed the man on the stairs and headed for his car.

* * *

  
  
“I can’t believe I still let you drive my car.” Morgan stated as he locked himself in the passenger seat.  
  
“I can’t believe you think you have a choice in the matter.” Beca growled back seconds before her mind returned to her phone and the person behind it. She wasted no time thinking about it as she redialed and kept the phone stuck between her ear and her shoulder.  
  
“Are you serious?!” Morgan yelled.  
  
“Just keep an eye out for the cops.” Beca rolled her eyes as she heard the call connecting and getting answered this time. “Beale, what the fuck are you talking about?!” Beca spoke immediately, wasting no time to get her answer.  
  
“Hello to you, too.”  
  
The words were full of life and joy, just like Beca had remembered it. It caused a feeling of weakness to travel through Beca’s chest and eventually get caught in her throat. She had to swallow hard to get rid of it.  
  
“Don’t beat around it. What’s going on? Where are you?” She asked as she side-eyed Morgan who seemed way too interested in the private conversation.  
  
“I’m actually in LA right now.”  
  
The words leaped into Beca and crashed down hard in her gut. She wanted to pull over to puke and for a second, she thought she seriously had to. Her head was spinning and her stomach was turning. She was vulnerable to Chloe once again and she wanted to give into the weakness.  
  
Beca didn’t process whatever she said next, but her head was trying to figure out the fastest route to the airport.  
  
“Look, I can’t really talk right now. Just text me a restaurant and I’ll see you there, okay?”  
  
And just like that, Chloe was gone again and Beca felt lost. She tried to regain her focus, but it was hard with a nosy young man in the passenger seat questioning everything he had picked up from the conversation.  
  
Beca eventually told him small bits of a life she once had, a life she had chosen to leave behind, a life that wasn’t supposed to follow her. Because she didn’t deserve that. She had rationally decided to leave Chloe and she wasn’t entitled to ever see the girl again.  
  
But it seemed she was going to that very night.

* * *

  
  
Beca couldn’t enjoy the afternoon she spent on Santa Monica’s Pier with Morgan. Her mind was racing with uncertainties and fears, but she had to face them. As they returned late afternoon, her friend helped her get ready, even though she hadn’t -and would never- ask him to, she appreciated it.  
  
He told her to dress up as if she were playing a gig tonight, and Beca followed the advice. Morgan had always claimed Beca looked her very best whenever she was on stage, which made sense because it was the only time Beca made an effort beyond just the usage of eyeliner.  
  
Even though she had never liked the way Brandon wanted her to be whilst on the job, she recognized she needed the makeup and clothes if she were to face Chloe again. She hoped her appearances would distract the girl from the shame and guilt Beca felt so strongly whenever she thought about Chloe.  
  
Beca spent more time in front of her bathroom mirror than ever before. The more she stared, the less she recognized herself. Her short and dyed hair had been pitched by Brandon in a time where Beca still thought she could work on gaining his trust in her. If a haircut would increase her chances of getting an additional night or playing a more popular one, Beca had no problem with it.  
  
Of course, now she knew better than that.  
  
But it had been too late. Brandon insisted her hair and looks were an image she had to uphold and Beca didn’t have the energy to fight him on it. But that didn’t mean she liked the way she looked. She wasn’t attached to her long, auburn hair or basic usage of cosmetics, but whenever she looked at her short and lightened hair in the mirror with a face full of makeup staring back at her, it was hard to remember who she was.  
  
And perhaps, that had been exactly who she was. A puppet who followed instructions from a manager that couldn’t –or refused to- see her potential.  
  
Beca asked Morgan to drop her off on his way home and she walked a block or two to gather herself, which she didn’t succeed in.  
  
She could have never prepared for the moment her eyes connected to Chloe Beale again.  
  
It was just for a split second as the waiter told her where the other half of her reservation was seated, but it had been enough. Beca’s heart instantly picked up speed and her palms grew sweaty from the encounter that was seconds away from happening.  
  
“Thank you.” Beca smiled at the waiter before passing him and heading for her designated table. She knew Chloe was there and a large part of her wanted to look at her, follow her every move and never let her out of her sight ever again. But the uncomfortable part of Beca was dominant and kept her eyes away from the girl.  
  
Beca blindly walked through the restaurant until she crashed into a woman’s figure. A figure she knew better than anyone else’s, perhaps even her own. The scent that was so personal and unique to the woman made its way through Beca’s nose and for a second or two, it was like she was back in Louisiana again, in a smaller room and with no other people around.  
  
A time where it was just Chloe and herself and things were so much simpler.  
  
“I can’t believe you’re here.” Beca whispered as she scanned Chloe. She appeared to be in relatively the same state as Beca had left her in all those months ago. She resembled the person she had known and loved at one point, but Beca knew that was a ghost of the past.  
  
It was a dark shape of the Chloe she had once known.  
  
Conversation –unlike the text messages they had exchanged in the last few months- came easy and real for them. For the first time in a long time, Beca felt like she didn’t have to hold back. Seeing Chloe laugh at her stories and look at her with sincere interest as she did so, it was a sign to Beca that maybe they were still the same people they had been five months ago.  
  
During dinner, Chloe admitted she had been in Los Angeles for longer than Beca could have ever imagined. It was a shock for sure. Beca could see that Chloe was feeling bad for keeping it from her, and she was desperately searching for Beca’s reassurance.  
  
Beca wasn’t angry. She simply didn’t understand. Instead of trying to figure it out, Beca’s mind went to all the times she thought she had seen Chloe in LA. Every time she saw a figure across the street and her mind made her believe that was her ex-girlfriend. Every time she passed by the dollar aisle in Target or walked by the Taco Bell a few blocks from her apartment.  
  
Every time she saw a random stranger and her mind tricked her to think that just maybe it was Chloe.  
  
Beca knew it wasn’t. The rational part of her brain was still active and aware of that, but now Beca wasn’t sure. She wasn’t sure of anything anymore. If Chloe had been this close, had been living in the same state, in the same city, why did she feel so far away?  
  
Chloe’s voice brought her back to reality and Beca listened and tried to understand her reasoning behind the woman’s decision to come here, which wasn’t very difficult to comprehend.  
  
Chloe had always battled with her decision to choose a career. Beca wasn’t always able to understand it, but she knew it was tough for Chloe. She knew the woman was afraid of making a decision, because it would mean disregarding all the other options and lives she could have led.  
  
It seemed Chloe had made the right choice after all. She followed her heart and chased her love for art. Beca always knew that was the thing that made her happiest. She had seen it in her eyes, had witnessed the passion she held for it every time she created something new. But Beca knew she couldn’t tell Chloe that. The woman had to figure that out for herself and she was proud that she had.  
  
Beca listened as Chloe chatted about the life she had secretly built here. She talked about the art institute she was attending classes at, she explained how she ended up working in a kids’ theater and how she equally enjoyed both tasks there; painting the décor and giving the kids singing lessons.  
  
Chloe confessed she was living with a girl named Danielle and Beca felt instantly jealous. She didn’t know this person and she didn’t trust her, but she knew she had lost that right. Chloe was able to take care of herself –and Beca knew this, respected it and accepted it-, but a disgusting part of her being hated it.  
  
The two of them chatted the entire duration of their dinner until they were eventually the last to leave the restaurant. Beca didn’t want the night to end. Everything felt so familiar between them. She was afraid what would happen if they parted ways again. Would they return to meaningless text messages if only for the sake of that connection? Would they go another five months without seeing each other? Beca knew she couldn’t handle that.  
  
Luckily, Chloe didn’t want the night to end either and they ended up hanging out in Beca’s apartment, something Beca regretted shortly after their arrival.  
  
“You live here?” Chloe had asked her with an adorable fear present in her voice.  
  
Beca knew it wasn’t the best part of West Los Angeles, but it was what she could afford and if she were honest, Beca kind of liked it. She liked that the streets were always roaring and she appreciated the darkness of the alleys. Beca fit right in, something that she wasn’t always able to.  
  
Since Morgan didn’t clean her dishes and for lack of anything else, Beca grabbed two canned beers from her refrigerator and continued her conversation with Chloe on the king size bed, something that made her slightly uncomfortable and Beca didn’t know how to act in that situation.  
  
“So are you seeing anyone?”  
  
The question came out of nowhere and it made Beca laugh. It had been a long time since Chloe spoke her mind, asked whatever she wanted to know and did so without caution.  
  
Beca wasn’t seeing anyone, but she had often wondered if Chloe had. The girl’s past dating record was no short list and Beca was afraid her name at the top of the list would have been replaced by someone else’s.  
  
It wasn’t a bad thing. Chloe was always serious about her relationships and they would always last longer than just a few months.  
  
Beca knew -even before she was reunited with Chloe on that evening- that the girl had moved on. She didn’t know in what way, but she knew she had. Chloe dealt with things, with feelings, with pain. She wasn’t afraid to break down and get through the ugly parts of life, because she would always rise again.  
  
Chloe had allowed herself to feel every disgusting part of their break-up and it had paid off. The result was clear to Beca. The young woman was doing great and she seemed truly happy. Why wouldn’t she have started something with someone else?  
  
“I’m not either.”  
  
Beca was a little surprised, but it didn’t change much. Even if the girl was single, she had clearly gotten over Beca and their life back in Louisiana, a life that was still very much present in Beca’s imagination and memory.  
  
Beca didn’t know how she went from feeling that low to feeling incredibly high.  
  
She didn’t know how it happened. Something had led to Chloe and Beca making out in her small kitchen.  
  
Chloe’s lips tasted like a bright future.  
  
A life Beca could so easily get ahold of.  
  
She could have Chloe back and things would instantly look up for her. Brandon wouldn’t just ask her to change days, he would beg her to play during the weekends. Beca could play all of her original tracks and everyone would love them. She would get requested for every private party in the club and soon even outside of that. She would get asked to play on festivals all over the country and eventually even around the globe, and Chloe would be at every single one of them, in the middle of the crowd, dancing to the tracks that were created for her.  
  
It was a picture perfect scene, but it wasn’t unbreakable, because Chloe pulled her lips away and with that the future Beca could have had, did too.  
  
“I don’t want to make the same mistakes again.” Chloe told her and Beca didn’t know what part of her had been the mistake.  
  
But Beca understood Chloe’s reasoning, even if she really wished she didn’t.  
  
Her intentions hadn’t been pure either. Of course she had wanted to kiss Chloe for no other reason than just that, but Beca had seen getting back together with Chloe as a solution for everything. It would be stupid to think Chloe could somehow fix every issue in her life. Beca had to do that herself, even if she had no idea how to approach that.  
  
Chloe touched her body and told her she loved her, something Beca had been wanting to hear for so long now, but it wasn’t satisfactory. Beca felt as though her lungs had been ripped from her body and she didn’t have it in her to fight it. She was exhausted from every emotion Chloe had forced her to feel again. She wanted to lay down and stay down for a week or so.  
  
Beca’s eyes found Chloe’s and she was smiling reassuringly at her. A smile that told her it was going to be okay and Beca had no choice but to believe it would. That she would be okay. That they would be. And hopefully, everything surrounding them as well.  
  
“Friends?”  
  
“Friends.”  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How are y'all liking this start? Everyone feeling good about this? Yes? No? I can't read minds, so maybe tell me? ;D
> 
> I'll see y'all on the next chapter!


	3. October: Part One

Chloe’s birthday in late September was celebrated the first weekend of October. She always did love a good party, being surrounded by nice people and amazing music and Chloe had no problem doing the arrangements herself, even if that meant buying her own birthday cake and blowing her own balloons.  
  
In fact, she loved nothing more than to work down the list with her roommate Danielle to collect everything she needed to create the perfect party, which involved buying lots of snacks and even more alcohol.  
  
The two of them had invited people a few weeks before that. Danielle texted all of their mutual friends and their colleagues at the coffee shop, the place where Chloe worked less and less hours every week. She had grown too busy working at the kids’ theater combined with her assignments for the art school that she was currently lacking at to be working more than eight hours a week as a barista.  
  
Chloe invited her peers from the art institute and did her best to fly her all-time best friend over from Tennessee to Los Angeles, but Aubrey couldn’t get the weekend off at the resort she started working after graduating college. Aubrey was currently the head of the reception, but the woman had big plans to take over the team building corporation.  
  
Chloe admired Aubrey’s hard work and dedication she put into her job to get where she wanted to be, even if that meant she couldn’t celebrate her birthday with her in California or even visit her girlfriend once a month.  
  
Aubrey and Stacy had progressed into a long-distance relationship, something that Chloe couldn’t do with Beca. It was the only option she hadn’t truly considered. Chloe had no doubt their relationship was strong enough to survive a couple thousand miles between them, it just hadn’t been a valid alternative.  
  
Looking back, Chloe wondered if there were any options at all. All she could decide between was supporting her girlfriend at the time, or being selfish. And if those were truly her only choices, Chloe knew she had chosen the right one.  
  
Beca had blossomed into a beautiful and successful young woman, something Chloe doubted would be able to happen had the girl stayed with her. Perhaps that life back in Louisiana had been too small for Beca’s dreams, perhaps nothing would ever be big enough for those.  
  
Chloe often wondered how such small dreams could fit in such a small body.  
  
Either way, Chloe had made the right decision to let her go and she was proud of the person Beca had become on her own.  
  
She had the pleasure of witnessing her progress once a week ever since that first and relieving meeting they shared in Los Angeles. They had cleared the air that night and decided to continue working on gaining back their once strong friendship. Once a week, after Chloe’s classes on Friday and before Beca had to work at the club, the two former lovers shared a meal together and Chloe could see how much Beca had grown.  
  
Faster than Chloe could have ever thought to be possible, her friendship with Beca mended itself and soon enough it felt like they had never been apart. Chloe told Beca everything again, from her fears to the highlights of her days. And in return, Beca spoke about her newfound life in Los Angeles, as much as she could.  
  
Chloe would try to get her to open up about her true feelings regarding her job, but Beca wouldn’t pitch. Chloe knew she wasn’t lying to her, or trying to mask anything. Beca wasn’t fooling her, she was simply fooling herself. She had herself convinced she was happy and content with where she was in her career, but Chloe could see she wasn’t.  
  
She could see it whenever her mind started to drift and her eyes would seem lifeless for just a second or two, right before Beca would blink them back to life.  
  
Chloe didn’t know what to do, but she figured as long as Beca stayed in that state of denial, there was nothing for her to do.  
  
Perhaps once or in another life, she would simply break down Beca’s barriers and show her what she knew deep down, help her change the situation and actively try to better Beca’s life, but not this time. Chloe had already lost Beca once and she couldn’t do that, not again. She had to be careful with the words she used and watch her moves around the girl, because she was well aware that one wrong one could push Beca away from her.  
  
Perhaps for good, this time.  
  
Chloe invited Beca to her birthday party and the girl promised she’d be there, whatever time that would be since she had to work until late, like most nights.  
  
Chloe was fine with it, simply happy that Beca would stop by and get to know some of her friends.  
  
“Do you think we have enough vodka?” Danielle asked her as she filled the counter with bottles of alcohol and different liquids to mix those with.  
  
“I doubt it.” Chloe chuckled as she made her way over and accepted one of the red cups Danielle had filled up.  
  
“A toast.” The woman spoke proud as she lifted her cup. “To the best roommate and friend a broke ex-student could wish for.”  
  
Danielle ordered Mexican food which they enjoyed as they awaited the first people to arrive, which happened to be a group of students from Chloe’s class. The music had barely started to blast or Chloe and Danielle were dancing around the room while the rest obviously needed a few drinks to loosen up.  
  
Beca arrived around one a.m., a full hour after the last guest.  
  
“Hey, I hope you don’t mind. This one insisted on coming with me.” Beca spoke annoyed as she side-eyed the man next to her.  
  
“Morgan.” The joyful guy introduced himself as he took pride in being Beca’s plus-one. His hand rested firm in Chloe’s as he leaned in. “Don’t mind her, she’s in one of her moods again.” He whispered before granting Chloe her space again and returning to his designated place next to Beca in the door opening.  
  
Chloe had heard of the man before, but this was her first visual encounter with Morgan. Beca’s male friend was good-looking and seemingly nice, but Chloe couldn’t shake the feeling that she didn’t like him, no matter how irrational it felt.  
  
“I’m Chloe, it’s nice to meet you, Morgan!” She faked her enthusiasm to an excessive degree, which she felt to be necessary.  
  
“It’s nice to meet you, too! You know, this one here has told me a lot about you, but I think she forgot to mention how beautiful you are.”  
  
The man’s words may have been flirtatious, but Chloe could tell he was only doing it to embarrass Beca Mitchell, which clearly worked. She pushed him through the door opening and kicked him inside with an excessive roll of her eyes. One only Beca could perform.  
  
“Thanks for coming.” Chloe said appreciative.  
  
Beca smiled softly before taking a step towards her. Chloe swallowed instantly, as if her body was still programmed to act a certain way whenever the girl got too close, but Beca’s lips hit her cheek instead, kissed it lightly and stayed there for just a second or two, which felt like a lifetime to Chloe.  
  
“Happy birthday, Beale.” Beca whispered in her ear as she passed by her and disappeared into the crowd.  
  
Chloe was frozen in her place, lost in some old -and presumed dead- feelings that she was sure she had left behind in that tiny dorm room back in Louisiana and only ever returned for a moment when the two exes shared a kiss in Beca’s new apartment.  
  
Beca had accepted what Chloe had said. How it wouldn’t be right to try and pick up where they had left off. She had respected her wishes and there hadn’t been any physical contact after that one slip, except for a hug goodbye every Friday evening after their dinner, which Chloe knew was already pushing Beca’s limits.  
  
Chloe couldn’t even remember a time where Beca would engage in physical contact all on her own and stay –seemingly- calm about it. That barely even happened whilst they were dating, yet here they were. Halfway through getting their friendship back with Chloe’s stomach filled with butterflies and Beca oblivious to it.  
  
_Talking about the old days..  
_  
Danielle eventually dragged her away from that opened door and got Chloe back to reality. The two roommates joined Jim –Danielle’s goofy boyfriend- on the dancing area where Chloe tried to forget that Beca was in her apartment.  
  
It wasn’t the first time that occurred. Beca had walked her home after every _rendezvous_ the two had at a restaurant at choice. It wasn’t out of chivalry, at least Chloe didn’t think so. She didn’t think that Beca felt like Chloe needed someone to keep her safe those few blocks she walked once a week. It had just become a part of their date. They would wander the streets with satisfyingly stuffed stomachs and chat about whatever came to minds.  
  
To Chloe, nothing else felt more like home than those moments after dinner they spent outside, despite the fact that the streets resembled nothing like the ones back in Louisiana or Kansas. Beca’s hand didn’t rest in hers like they once would and they didn’t have earplugs connecting them, but perhaps something else was.  
  
Chloe failed miserably in trying to keep her focus on the people surrounding her in the middle of her apartment at the night of her birthday party and she blamed the alcohol in her blood for the straying of her eyes.  
  
Beca was talking to Morgan in the open kitchen and it seemed the man could do just about anything to make the young woman laugh.  
  
Chloe could only assume what they were talking about, what kind of jokes the handsome male would tell her to get her laughing like she would. A part of Chloe felt hurt over the scene, but a larger bit was happy to see Beca having fun.  
  
The two friends eventually relocated towards where Danielle’s laptop was blasting Chloe’s personal Spotify playlist, which was obviously not good enough for the two professional deejays in the room.  
  
Chloe’s eyes drifted towards Beca Mitchell roughly every seventeen seconds. On every occasion, they witnessed a different scenario. Beca focused on controlling the music. Beca rolling her eyes at Morgan’s poor dancing skills. Beca laughing at Morgan’s moves. Beca playfully punching the man’s arm whenever he tried to get her involved.  
  
But never once did Chloe find Beca staring back at her.  
  
There was a time where Beca couldn’t keep her eyes –and additionally her hands- off of her whenever Chloe found herself on the dancefloor.  
  
After that realization, Chloe felt it would hurt too much to allow her eyes to stray that way any more than they already had.  
  
Chloe entertained herself that night by dancing with her roommate and their friends, drinking with her classmates from the art school and engaging in lame games that no sober person would get themselves involved in.  
  
As the night progressed, Chloe realized how weird it was that she had barely spoken to Beca. The young DJ was no longer behind her roommate’s laptop and Chloe couldn’t find her in the kitchen either. A moment of panic shook Chloe’s core, but her eyes had already detected the woman in question before true fear could take over.  
  
“What are you doing here all by yourself?” Chloe chuckled as she stepped onto the balcony and instantly shivered due to the cold air.  
  
Beca turned towards her, smiled for a second and then focused her eyes back on the darkness that covered the streets. “It’s nice out here.” Beca stated as she lost her denim jacket and handed it over to Chloe.  
  
It was obviously a gesture Beca didn’t want credit for, so the girl didn’t fight her for it and simply accepted the offer. “Where’s your _date_?” Chloe teased as she positioned herself next to Beca and copied her by leaning over the railing and staring off into nothingness.  
  
Beca rolled her eyes before she hinted at Chloe where to look for the answer. She found the man making out with a girl Chloe didn’t recognize with multiple people surrounding them, but the couple didn’t seem to care.  “Classy.” Chloe hummed in response to the view.  
  
Beca shrugged and Chloe wondered temporarily if she were bothered by it in a way that would twist Chloe’s stomach if it were.  
  
She didn’t know the details of Beca and Morgan’s relationship. Presumably, Chloe ranked them as good friends, perhaps better than she would want them to be. Yet she didn’t know if there was something more between the two. If perhaps one –or both- had unrequited or simply yet unanswered feelings for the other.  
  
Chloe wasn’t ignorant. She knew people of opposite sexes could be friends without there ever being desired anything more than that by either party, but she did wonder if that were the case with her ex-girlfriend and her male friend.  
  
“So that kiss on my cheek was my birthday gift, huh.” Chloe flirted as she poked Beca’s arm, if nothing else, than simply to get her mind to cease its puzzling over the probability of something beyond friendship between the two coworkers.  
  
Beca tried to clench her jaw to prevent a smile, but she failed after multiple seconds of staring on Chloe’s end. “It’s in Morgan’s trunk.” She eventually caved.  
  
‘Oh, Beca, you didn’t have to!” Chloe chirped as she jumped up and down. “What is it? What is it?!”  
  
Beca rolled her eyes in annoyance, but Chloe could see the glee hiding in her dark pupils. She followed her smaller friend back into the warm apartment where she watched Beca bump into her occupied friend very purposely.  
  
“Keys.” Beca stated as she held out her hand and didn’t appear to care about whatever moment she broke up.  
  
“That didn’t sound like a question.” Morgan said playfully to which Beca rolled her eyes and tried to dig her hands down the man’s pockets to claim the object herself.  
  
It was hard for Chloe to look at. As soon as Beca interrupted the couple, Morgan seemed to have forgotten all about the girl he was making out with and Chloe wondered if the stranger meant that little or if Beca meant that much to him.  
  
Morgan fled the apartment with his car keys in hand and high up in the air with Beca following him closely as Chloe trailed behind them, momentarily feeling like a tired parent of two hyperactive kids.  
  
She blamed that feeling on the long day that was yet to end.  
  
Chloe caught up with Beca and Morgan across the street from her apartment where a black SUV just popped its trunk. She watched how the man lifted a large, white box out of the car and placed it on the ground while Beca was still fighting him over something.  
  
“What’s all this?” Chloe spoke in awe as she realized how big of a box it actually was.  
  
Beca tried to shush the man, but Morgan excitedly spilt the beans. “It’s a drawing table!”  
  
“Morgan!” Beca hissed before a tired sigh exited her mouth. “What are you even still doing here?”  
  
But Morgan simply ignored her and kept his focus on Chloe who found her way towards the young man and the gift placed in front of him. “It’s supposed to be the best for artists. You can use it as a normal kitchen table or you can tilt the glass up to forty-five degrees.”  
  
“Are you done?” Beca spoke through gritted teeth, but Chloe could see past her faked anger.  
  
“Thank you.” Chloe whispered emotional, obviously affected by the grand and sweet gesture. Her eyes stayed locked on Beca until the girl awkwardly looked away. “You too, Morgan.” Chloe continued, trying to make the situation less uncomfortable for her old friend.  
  
“Oh, don’t thank me. This was all Beca.” The man spoke proud with an adorable softness in his eyes. “I’m just here for the heavy labor.” Morgan breathed out as he picked the boxed gift up from the ground and started making its way towards Chloe’s apartment, leaving the two former kids-in-love by themselves for the first time that night.  
  
Chloe thanked her again as she hugged Beca to her chest for a little longer than the appropriate time would be to hug an ex-girlfriend.  
  
“Don’t worry about it. It’s all done out of selfish reasons.” Beca downplayed with a slight smirk on her face. “If I hear you whine about your back one more time..”  
  
Chloe hadn’t realized she had, but apparently Beca picked up on her aching back. Chloe must have mentioned it a few times, and it bothered her on occasion, but it wasn’t necessary for Beca to buy her an expensive drawing table. Chloe loved to sketch on the floor like she normally would, but she could easily picture herself behind the big, glass piece of furniture.  
  
“You really didn’t have to, Becs.” Chloe admitted after they shared a laugh.  
  
Beca shrugged like she always would, as if it meant nothing, but it meant so much to Chloe.  
  
Suddenly, something in the air changed. It was the middle of the night in Los Angeles, which didn’t necessarily mean that it was cold, but the area between Chloe and Beca started to warm up and Chloe wondered shortly why that heat still felt so familiar.  
  
“It’s weird.” She mumbled as she took a seat in the opened trunk of the car and Beca followed her immediately. “I feel like I can tell you anything in this moment.”  
  
“Like what?” Beca asked interested.  
  
“I don’t know.” Chloe chuckled. “Nothing.” She pondered her answer before eventually correcting it. “Everything.”  
  
Beca made eye contact with her and Chloe instantly smiled, knowing how silly she sounded. She wasn’t making sense and she knew it. But she couldn’t help it. Things were easier in the trunk of that SUV with darkness surrounding her and Beca as the stars seemed to multiply above them.  
  
Inside her crowded apartment, there were too many worries and doubts. About Beca’s sudden ability to show affection, even if it were just for a blissful second. About the lack of attention that followed. About Morgan and what he meant to Beca, how he managed to make her laugh Chloe previously only could.  
  
When it was just her and Beca in the simplicity of the night, with nothing and no one else surrounding them, Chloe’s head felt clearer and she managed to breathe a little easier.  
  
If that night could have lasted a lifetime, Chloe would have enjoyed every second of it.

* * *

  
  
A week after Chloe’s succeeded birthday party, Danielle asked her to lunch where the roommate explained to Chloe she was thinking about moving in with her boyfriend. Chloe couldn’t say it completely surprised her. Danielle had started to spend more nights a week at Jim’s place than at their shared apartment.  
  
Jim had an apartment on the other side of the big city, close to his busy job and quite the miles away from his girlfriend. Danielle often complained to Chloe about how she wished to spend more time with him.  
  
“It’s not final yet, I’m just thinking about it. We both know I can’t stand the fact that he talks in his sleep.”  
  
Chloe chuckled and thanked the waitress for the food she placed on their table.  
  
“What do you think?” Danielle urged impatiently over Chloe’s silence.  
  
“I think you should make this decision yourself and I’ll support you no matter what.” Chloe shrugged as she dug her teeth into her sandwich.  
  
“Oh, screw that. Don’t give me such a political correct answer, Chlo.”  
  
Chloe laughed as she wondered momentarily whether she should tell her how she really felt or give Danielle an answer she would like to hear. Chloe honestly had her doubts about their relationship. When they were good, they were great. Wrapped up in each other and in their own, little world.  
  
But Chloe had held her roommate and comforted the woman while in tears over the man far too many times to judge their relationship as healthy.  
  
But then again, who was Chloe to talk about healthy relationships?  
  
Looking back on every one of them, Chloe wondered if she had the right or even the ability to deem someone else’s relationship as unhealthy when that’s all she’s ever known.  
  
Even though Chloe had years of experience, it had become clear that she couldn’t get the hang of relationships. Whether she started things off the wrong way –like she did with Beca- or things ended badly –like it did with Tom-, or she just did everything wrong entirely –like with Teddy-, Chloe couldn’t say she possessed the right skill set for maintaining a healthy relationship.  
  
And simply because Danielle and Jim get angry and upset with one another every now and then, just because Danielle gets jealous to a degree that Chloe could never force herself to, it hadn’t provided Chloe the right the judge them.  
  
Because in spite of all that, Chloe knew Danielle loves Jim and she would want nothing more than to live with him.  
  
“You should do what you want to do and you don’t have to worry about me, Dan. I’ll be fine!” Chloe said honestly and as convincing as she could be.  
  
Danielle sighed. Perhaps in relief, Chloe didn’t know. She didn’t think that her blessing would mean so much to the girl that had been her roommate for over four months. “What are you going to do?” Danielle asked careful as she finally touched her food for the first time. “You can’t afford the rent on your own.”  
  
Chloe most certainly couldn’t.  
  
Chloe could barely bear the expense of her own share every month.  
  
To be honest, Chloe didn’t know what to do now that Danielle was moving out, but she smiled, lied and reassured her roommate that she was completely fine. She was able to keep up appearances throughout the duration of the lunch that day, but as soon as Danielle turned the corner, leaving Chloe alone in the middle of the day in the hot Californian sun with panic slowly taking over her body and mind.  
  
Chloe was lost, yet found herself moving into a certain direction. She didn’t know where she was going, but her feet moved regardless, without the instruction to.  
  
Inside, Chloe was freaking out. She couldn’t afford the apartment she had come to love so much all by herself. She didn’t know anyone who was looking for a roommate or an apartment to share. Chloe’s mind was still figuring out what to do when it seemed her body had already taken her to the solution.  
  
“Beale? What are you doing here?”  
  
Chloe had to blink a few times to regain her vision and realize where it was her feet took her.  
  
It was the part of LA Chloe didn’t like to come. It was shady and loud. Whenever Chloe was at Beca Mitchell’s apartment, all she could focus on were the police sirens that never seemed to stop roaring outside.  
  
Irrationally –and aware of it- Chloe always felt afraid whenever she made her way towards Beca’s place. The thunderous, grey streets and dark alleys frightened her to a point that Chloe restrained from seeing Beca in her own apartment.  
  
Not to mention the actual apartment that felt empty and deserted to Chloe.  
  
“Beca.” She breathed out at last. Slowly, her lips pulled her mouth into a grand smile as she realized the answer to all of her questions had been right in front of her this whole time. “Will you move in with me?”


	4. October: Part Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was supposed to go up a while ago, but due to some emergencies in my family and unforeseen circumstances regarding those, I have not been able to publish this sooner. I hope you all understand.
> 
> Anyway, thanks to everyone reading/leaving comments/kudos/messages. It is much appreciated and it's definitely helping to keep me motivated and inspired!

“Will you move in with me?”  
  
Beca’s mouth dropped in confusion and she didn’t know what kind of game Beale was playing, but she couldn’t discover the punchline in Chloe’s playful -yet honest- eyes. “What the fuck are you talking about?” Beca mumbled under her breath.  
  
Chloe passed by her and skipped into her apartment, leaving Beca confused near the entrance. She closed her door and met up with the girl in the middle of her living room.  
  
“Hear me out, Becs.” She said, as if she could read Beca’s face.  
  
“I’m not moving in with you.” Beca concluded straight away as she headed for the kitchen. “I don’t care how many _scary people_ you came across on your way here, Beale.” Beca smirked before opening her canned beer, aware of Chloe’s outspoken fear for this part of the city.  
  
“Beca!” Chloe whined as she followed her. “I’m being serious!” The girl pouted adorably before her mind drifted and she grew more serious. “Even though I did see a few suspicious people two blocks away.”  
  
Beca laughed in disbelief. “You’re crazy.” She concluded as she headed for her bed. Chloe followed her, jumped to her knees and started to bounce to get the girl’s attention. “What?!” Beca snapped eventually, giving in to the conversation Chloe had been wanting to start ever since her arrival.  
  
“Okay, so I just had lunch with Danielle and she told me she’s thinking about moving in with Jim and I thought-“  
  
“Who’s Jim?” Beca asked annoyingly. She knew who the guy was, had even met him once at Chloe’s birthday party, but she loved to annoy Chloe, especially when the girl was racing through her words in excitement just to get her point across.  
  
“He’s her boyfriend, Becs!” Chloe pouted over the interruption, to which Beca felt guilty and placed her hand on Chloe’s knee just to let her know she had her attention from now on. “Anyway,-“ Chloe scraped her throat and Beca even caught a slight blush making its way onto her face. “-she’s moving out and I can’t pay the rent on my own and we both know how much fun we had as roommates.”  
  
Beca retracted her hand and awkwardly placed it on her own lap. Not because Chloe was mentioning their past. Not because she was overly excited and it pulled at something within Beca’s chest. Simply because Chloe was desperate for her support and Beca wasn’t sure she could support her on this.  
  
“I obviously didn’t mean it _like that_.” Chloe corrected herself with a smile. “I’m just saying that we know each other, Becs. I know better than to open the blinds before noon and you know what mugs I use for my paint water, so you can’t get mad at me when you accidentally drink from it.”  
  
The remembrance pulled at Beca’s lips until she couldn’t fight the smile any longer. “Believe me, I can get mad at you for that any day.”  
  
Chloe laughed, the whole flipping-hair and scratching-Beca’s-arms in the process kind of laughter before she grew serious once again. “Don’t say it’s a bad idea.” She pleaded.  
  
“I won’t." Beca breathed out heavily. "I just think-“  
  
“It’s a bad idea.” Chloe finished for her.  
  
“Yeah.” Beca stated apologetic before allowing a short momentum of silence to speak for her. “You were the one who said we should take things slow.” Beca smiled to take the edge off of the conversation, and maybe to hide the fact that a small part of her blamed Chloe for that.  
  
Beca remembered the talk she and Chloe had about their relationship in her small kitchen like it was yesterday. How they would rebuild their friendship before anything else. How diving into a romantic relationship would be wrong. How they would move forward in a slow pace.  
  
Beca had agreed with her at that time. The kiss that Chloe broke up and with that eliminating the possibility of anything more happening that night had been the right call. She just had Chloe back in her life and she could literally taste the bright future ahead of her on Chloe’s wet lips.  
  
Except a bright future didn’t come so easily. Perhaps it wouldn’t come at all, Beca started to wonder. Because it had been over a month since they had that conversation and things weren’t moving slow like Chloe had promised.  
  
Things weren’t moving at all.  
  
Yes, they had redeemed their friendship. A bond that felt unbreakable as soon as Beca lied eyes on Chloe again. Beca was glad to have her back, after all they had been through. It felt like every wound inside of her had started to heal and she hoped Chloe’s had, too.  
  
A lot of the guilt and negativity washed away over the first few weeks they spent reconnecting and Beca felt lighter, relieved even.  
  
But it seemed that was all that happened. No more kisses followed. Chloe had always been a flirtatious person, but it lacked the anticipation. Beca started to question what exactly the girl had meant by _‘taking things slow’_. She had assumed they would eventually get back together, but from the way things were going, Beca slowly seemed to lose hope for anything happening in the near future.  
  
She had hurt Chloe more than she ever intended to by leaving her and she could understand how she may not trust her again. Beca just had to accept that. And part of her had. It’s why it came as a surprise to hear her ex-girlfriend ask her to move in with her.  
  
“I know.” Chloe sighed as she dropped herself onto Beca’s bed. Without the excitement pumping so obviously through her veins, Beca just thought she looked sad. “But this isn’t about us, Becs. I can’t afford that place on my own and I really don’t want to move. I’ll probably end up in an apartment worse than yours.” She giggled with tears in her eyes.  
  
Beca lied down beside her and tried to listen to her words instead of her sniffs, but Beca had always been weak for a crying Chloe Beale and it seemed she hadn’t lost that yet.  
  
“I thought it could work, since my place is closer to your job and you’ll have more space than you have here. I could make you some paintings, so your room won’t look as empty as it does here.” She chuckled quietly. “But you’re right, it’s a bad idea. I shouldn’t have asked you.” Chloe spoke as she covered her face, trying to hide her embarrassment, but Beca knew it was present.  
  
“I’ll do it.”  
  
Chloe rose from her position on the bed and started to pace the room. “I guess I could do like Dan did. I could drop out of art school for a little while, save up some money and try again next year. I mean, it was kind of stupid to think I could come to LA with nothing but a few hundred bucks in my savings and expect it would work itself out, right?”  
  
“Beale.” Beca spoke in a matter that she knew would gain Chloe’s attention. “I’ll come live with you.”  
  
“Don’t do that, Becs.” Chloe said a little annoyed.  
  
“No, you’re right. What kind of friendship could we really build when you’re too scared to come by my place?” Beca shrugged indifferently, hoping her uncaring nature would fool Chloe and make her believe this actually sounded like a good idea to her. “Besides, I’m getting pretty tired of this place anyway.”  
  
“No, you’re not. You love living on your own.” Chloe reasoned carefully as she sat back down next to her.  
  
And Beca did.  
  
She enjoyed being on her own. She liked coming home to an empty place, however weird that may sound. Due to her chosen career field, Beca appreciated the silence of a vacant apartment after another night being surrounded by loud beats and the noise that comes off of a couple hundred people stuffed into a club.  
  
Yet the thought of living alone lost its charm now that another offer had made its way onto the table.  
  
Never in a million years had Beca expected to consider the option of living with Chloe Beale again. It still felt like a recipe for disaster, but it was so appealing.  
  
Too appealing.  
  
Beca had missed living with Chloe, -seeing her face every day and knowing what she was up to most of the time. And even if they were just friends this time around -no benefits of any kind-, Beca couldn’t help but focus on the pros instead of the cons.  
  
Even though her head was filled with the cons.  
  
There had been a reason Chloe wanted to take things slow and there had been a reason for Beca to agree with her.  
  
Those reasons might not have been one or the same, but they meant enough to either of them to make the decision to avert from the direction their kissing mouths were leading them to.  
  
For Beca, it was important to focus on her personal life without the addition of a girlfriend that was also her ex-girlfriend. Beca’s life had changed so much and she was still adjusting, still figuring out what it was she wanted out of life and what she would be brave enough to ask for.  
  
Yet Beca’s thoughts drifted to all the reasons why moving in with her ex-girlfriend seemed like a bulletproof plan and she couldn’t stop them, -couldn’t remember why she had to. But apart from the selfish reasons, Beca also wanted to help. She didn’t want Chloe to struggle financially or give up on the one thing that brought her to Los Angeles; her love for art.  
  
“When is Danielle moving out?”  
  
“All I’m asking is that you consider it, Becs.”  
  
“I have.” She replied nonchalant. Beca had already made up her mind and whenever that happened, nothing was about to change it. “Your fridge is always full, so the choice is simple.”  
  
Chloe sighed and Beca knew she was growing annoyed over her inability to treat the situation with a sense of respect instead of turning everything into a joke. Beca knew all Chloe needed was just a small piece of her honest mind, something truthful that would tell her Beca actually wanted this, too. That she wasn’t just doing it to please Chloe.  
  
Beca knew she wouldn’t be able to give her that. She simply hoped Chloe knew her well enough to understand she wasn’t just doing this for her, because Chloe wasn’t a charity case to her and Beca would never do anything she didn’t truly want to do.  
  
“Promise me you’ll think about it.” Chloe said tired yet appreciative while her hand made contact with Beca’s skin.  
  
“I will.” Beca lied. She had already thought things through, even if it seemed she was being impulsive or perhaps just plain dumb.  
  
Chloe took a deep breath and her usual excitement returned visually. It was an action Beca labeled as magic, because she still did not understand how the girl could perform that act. “What are you doing today?” The girl asked with a playful smirk resting on her face.  
  
“Nothing.” Beca admitted. It was the first day of the week and with that the only day that the club was closed. Beca had already spent her boring day off sleeping in and cleaning the apartment, so the rest of it would probably be more sleeping and perhaps making an attempt at creating some new songs.  
  
“Great!” Chloe exclaimed as she got ahold of Beca’s arm and started dragging her along. “We’re going Halloween shopping.”  
  
Apparently, Chloe hadn’t bought a costume for this year’s event yet and Beca’s only day off seemed like just the time for it. Beca followed Chloe into every store she could find and she hated to admit it, but Beca was actually enjoying herself.  
  
A large part had to do with Chloe’s outfit choices. The girl insisted on trying everything on first and getting Beca’s opinion on them. Of course, it was Chloe Beale, so no matter how many times Beca told her she looked fine and offered to take it to the register for her, the girl continued her shopping spree.  
  
Chloe tried out all the classic costumes; a hot nurse, a hot cop, a hot angel.  
  
_Perhaps Beca was biased, but she definitely looked the part in every one of them.  
_  
But the girl wouldn’t be Chloe if she didn’t engage Beca in a serious topic of gender inequality while checking herself out in the mirror wearing a cowgirl ensemble with a short skirt that kept Beca’s attention.  
  
“I just think it’s ridiculous I have to go to the men’s section if I want something tough or scary and the sexy dresses are labeled for women. Why can’t a guy wear this?” Chloe spoke more saddened than angry as she turned to face Beca.  
  
Beca cringed at the girl’s words as an image formed itself in front of her eyes. Instead of the beautiful woman, Beca started to see Morgan in the cowgirl costume and her stomach turned instantly. “Relax, Beale. It’s all one Halloween section.”  
  
“Yeah, but they’re divided!” Chloe shot back and Beca shrugged in agreement. The girl made a fair point, but Beca had always loved to put up an act of resistance to push Chloe’s buttons.  
  
Beca started to stroll through the store as Chloe once again changed back into her own clothing items. She had tried to convince the woman to pick out a few outfits and try them on in sequence, but as soon as Chloe saw something she liked, she ran with it to the back of the store and Beca could only roll her eyes and follow the girl towards the dressing rooms, keeping hope that next time Chloe would listen to her, which of course never happened.  
  
“What are _you_ dressing up as this year?” Chloe asked intrigued as she appeared in Beca’s aisle.  
  
Beca could hear the playfulness in the girl’s voice and decided –for once- to go against her grumpiness and negative being as she picked up a black wig and placed it imperfectly on top of her head. “I’m going as the old me.” Beca hushed mysteriously.  
  
Chloe laughed louder than the music that was playing in the store and Beca grew concerned about getting kicked out of the shop.  
  
Beca watched as her friend approached her and got close enough to take the fake hair off of her and fix her own, short locks.  
  
“I like this you better.” Chloe whispered as her hands continued to move through Beca’s hair until they finally came to a rest on her shoulders.  
  
Beca became aware of just how close Chloe was and she observed her attentively for any signs. Perhaps a drop of the eyes to where Beca’s lips were. Her fingers digging into her skin. If only her tongue peeking out in anticipation.  
  
But there was nothing. Just Chloe. And Beca dropped her head, knowing it had to be enough.  
  
“Wish I could say the same.’ She returned grumpy and natural. Beca wasn’t talking about her hair anymore. She had grown used to it. She still didn’t _love_ it, but she had accepted it and that was who she was now. Everything else that came with her past was a little harder to let go of, Beca realized.  
  
“Oh!” Chloe yelped and started to sprint past Beca. “We should go for a matching outfit! Like..”  
  
Her voice started to trail off and Beca had no choice but to follow. When she found Chloe three aisles down, she was holding a Little Red Riding Hood and a wolf costume up. As if Beca’s eyes said enough, the girl searched further.  
  
“Oh, how about this. An inmate and a prison guard.”  
  
Beca cringed at what that would suggest. “I’m pretty sure inmates don’t wear orange miniskirts and black heels.” She scoffed.  
  
“You know I’d do anything to see you in a suit, Becs.” Chloe winked and turned back to the items in the store.  
  
It seemed Beca was going to have to get used to innuendos that weren’t leading anywhere.  
  
At the end of the day, Chloe managed to convince Beca to go for a matching set, despite her doubts about what message it would sent off, not necessarily into the world but inwards her chest and affecting a certain organ there.  
  
Beca went with the least awful matching costumes; Mickey and Minnie Mouse. A classic, like Chloe wanted. It meant Beca would have to wear an ugly set of red shorts with white dots, but at least she could wear a black shirt and keep her face unharmed.  
  
Since they had spent their entire afternoon Halloween shopping, the two friends decided to stray from course and have dinner together, despite it being the first day and not the last day of the official labor week, even though Beca doubted them spontaneously sharing a meal on Monday would affect their plans for Friday.  
  
That night, as Beca lied in her bed, uncomfortably warm due to the heat she continued to struggle with in this part of the country yet this late in the year, the rowdy streets outside of her apartment couldn’t fill the silence that Beca felt in her every bone now that she didn’t have Chloe in her near surroundings anymore. After spending most of her day with the girl, the sound of her laughter continued to echo through Beca’s head, but without the sight –no matter how stand-alone beautiful the noise was- its disappointment was felt deeply in Beca’s chest.

* * *

  
  
“Are you sure this is a good idea?” Morgan said as he easily lifted Beca’s bedframe from the floor and stood unbothered by its weight and size to continue his conversation. “I mean, I know you two are friends and all.” He shrugged. “But moving in with your ex seems like a terrible plan for anybody.”  
  
“Less speaking your mind, more carrying my stuff.” Beca groaned annoyed at the young man, who seemed to obey her orders.  
  
“I’m just saying, if that were my ex..” Morgan teased as he made his way out of the apartment, but not without Beca throwing a half-empty box at his head.  
  
“Jerk.” Beca mumbled at no one in particular as she eyed the open space around her. Most of her stuff was already out of the apartment and whatever was left was boxed and ready to go.  
  
Now Beca wasn’t an emotional person, so the fact that Morgan’s rental truck stayed for the most part empty, -even with all of Beca’s belongings in it- didn’t mean much to her. Beca held no emotional value or connection to the apartment that as of tomorrow wouldn’t be hers anymore. Yet it was a weird feeling to leave that place behind.  
  
They drove a couple of blocks and eventually pulled into Chloe’s street. Beca fought Morgan over the heavy boxes, because she was an independent woman who could move in and out of an apartment without any help.  
  
Beca just _happened_ to also be a small and physically rather weak woman who could in no way –ever- lift cabinets and a bedframe as easily as Morgan did.  
  
So Beca settled for carrying the heavy boxes and hoped it would be enough to keep her image in check.  
  
“Becs! You’re finally here!”  
  
Chloe somehow managed to hug her tightly, despite the boxes she had piled up onto her hands and pressed to her chest for better movement.  
  
"I've been waiting for you all morning! What was taking you so long? You know the party is tonight. We have a lot to do before that, come on!" 

Chloe was active -overly, most of the time-, she was a hundred and ten percent intensely alive, as much on a Friday evening as on a Monday morning. But once in a while, which happened to be the day Beca was moving in with her, Chloe's excitement would spill over and infect everyone within a fifty foot radius, like some highly contagious virus. 

Beca blamed it on the date. It was the very last day of October; Chloe's roommate and good friend had just moved out of her apartment, Beca was moving in and amongst all that change, it happened to be one of Chloe's favorite holidays: Halloween. 

Apparently, they -as in Beca and Chloe, together, as roommates once again- were hosting a Halloween party. A costume required festive to celebrate that they were living together yet again.

At least that's how Chloe translated the holiday to their personal situation. Beca on the other hand found more to relate to in the darkness, in the dangers of the unknown, or perhaps in what she did know. 

Nonetheless, Beca knew she had a long day ahead. 

Still with the boxes in hand, Beca allowed herself to get dragged through the apartment for the sake of not letting anything fall to the floor. By the time the hand released its clutching grip on Beca's upper arm, it took her a second to see what Chloe had brought her here to see. 

The room -by assumption Beca's personal space within the apartment - was completely empty, except for one item. 

"What do you think?!" Chloe said as she impatiently started to clap and giggle. 

Beca in return acted like she had all the time of the world as she placed the heavy boxes on the ground and inched closer to the item for a better view. 

It was a painting, hanging on the wall of her new and own room, undoubtedly made by Chloe Beale herself. Even if it didn't resemble Chloe's usual work and bright colors, Beca could still see her personal touch to it. 

"I made something I thought you'd like in your room. It's kind of dark, but also not." Chloe started to explain. 

"It's perfect." Beca spoke reassuring, aware of the insecurities noticeable in the young woman's voice. "It's.." She tried again, but as her eyes scanned the painting again, all words fell flat and Beca was at a loss as to how to express her gratitude. 

"It's awesome!" Morgan yelled, breaking up whatever moment Beca was experiencing with Chloe. "It's like I'm in the woods in the middle of the night!" The man spoke amazed. "Yet if you look closely, you can see that there's light." 

"Exactly!" Chloe chirped surprised. "I wanted to have it seem dark and scary on first glance, but-" 

"Upon a closer look.." Morgan continued understanding. 

Beca's two friends just started nodding at each other, words no longer necessary as they appeared to suddenly have the ability to read minds, Beca concluded. 

As for Beca, she liked the painting simply because her friend put time and effort into creating it especially for her. She didn't see the meaning behind it or read something metaphorically into the darkness and the light.

"I'm gonna go grab the cabinets." Morgan announced, leaving Beca to be alone with Chloe again. 

She felt like she should be saying something, anything to express her gratitude, but Beca had never been one to use her words, so she flashed her a tight-lipped and semi-awkward smile and hoped Chloe would understand her. 

"Come on, Becs. Let's get you settled." Chloe whispered as she locked arms with her and forced her out of the room with care. 

Chloe did as she promised; she got Beca settled. Although she didn’t help with the heavy labor, Chloe stayed in the apartment and decorated Beca’s new room to the best of her abilities. Every time Beca returned to the room with a new round of boxes, Chloe was busy designing and redesigning the items within.  
  
By the time Beca and Morgan had emptied out the truck, Chloe had miraculously finished her job inside the apartment. Beca’s drawers were filled, her flat-screen TV was up on the wall and even her bed was made.  
  
Beca waited until Morgan had stated he was going to return the truck and had heard the front door shutting behind him before she made a comment. “How did you do this that fast?”  
  
“You really don’t have a lot of stuff, Becs.” Chloe shrugged happily. “Oh, come!” She urged as she ran out of the room and Beca knew she had no other choice but to obey.  
  
Upon entering the living room area, -something Beca was going to have to get used to after living in a kind-of loft for six months- Beca found all of her music equipment in the outer corner of the room. Right next to the window overlooking the Los Angeles skyline, but not too far from the kitchen either.  
  
Beca loved the view Chloe’s apartment provided. The balcony, however small, was her favorite part of the entire place. She felt lighter yet more self-aware eight stories high contrary to how small and insignificant she felt in the midst of the noise surrounding her old apartment. Beca went from doubting whether or not her screams would be heard to feeling like she was on top of the world.  
  
Perhaps the movement was better for Beca than she initially assumed it would be.  
  
“Are you sure?” Beca asked hesitant. Her equipment occupied a large part of the open area while she still had a lot of space left in her bedroom.  
  
“Of course!” Chloe shouted as she took a seat behind the glass drawing table Beca bought for her birthday. “I can do my thing here and you can do yours, and we’ll still be together.”  
  
Beca nodded and stepped behind her equipment to test the waters. Chloe had truly tried to set everything up correctly, Beca could tell. But certain things were out of place and illogical positioned, which someone who had never used these tools before wouldn’t know.  
  
“That’s the point of being roommates, right?” Chloe spoke from her seat. The girl was close –her table almost in contact with Beca’s adjustable keyboard stand- yet not close enough, for Beca’s liking. “We both have super busy schedules and we’re probably not going to be seeing each other all the time.” Chloe continued as her eyes dropped and her fingers started to fiddle. “At least this way, when we’re both in the apartment, we won’t be locked away in our rooms, focused on our work.”  
  
Beca smiled softly as reality was sinking in. “Yeah, that’s true.” She whispered vulnerable for a second before scraping her throat and recomposing herself. “You can listen to my amazing music and I can criticize your drawings.” Beca spoke nonchalant and slightly arrogant.  
  
Chloe’s jaw dropped in offense and they both broke out in laughter until Chloe’s eye fell on the clock and she urged Beca to get ready for the Halloween party.  
  
Beca suddenly remembered what it was like living with the girl again. Chaotic. Messy. A lot of running around on Beca's end, to keep up with all the random ideas that would pop up in Chloe's mind. Tears. Smiles. A continuous flow of music and art. Midnight dance parties. Food. Laughter. Pain. Heartache.  
  
Beca would be fearful of which one was first to come, if only the bumpy ride Chloe Beale provided her wasn't so _damn_ ecstatic.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My God, I'm so excited to tag this fic as 'roommate-au' again! :D
> 
> THEY ARE LIVING TOGETHER AGAINNN! 
> 
> How do we all feel about that? Let me know!


	5. November: Part One

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for the nice messages and comments, I appreciate it so much!! This chapter is a bit shorter than you might be used to from me, but I figured it's better to publish something than nothing, right? Enjoy this lil one! :D

Chloe didn’t know what to expect from living with Beca Mitchell again.  
  
She had expectations, of course she had. She wouldn’t be Chloe Beale if she didn’t. She had expectations for everyone, not particularly high ones though. She kept those for herself.  
  
Chloe knew it wasn’t going to be anything like before. The first time, Beca barged into her dorm room –full-on frightening thunderstorm with lightening to match- and claimed half the space. This time, they had been good friends that had made an adult decision to live together, primarily out of financial reasons than anything else.  
  
What would follow that decision would either be the best or the worst that could happen to their newfound friendship and perhaps everything surrounding that as well, like a heartbreaking game of domino that you’re still busy building into perfection, but one piece collapses and causes the others to follow in the middle of the beautiful progress.  
  
Chloe just had to allow time to work in their favor and trust it would.  
  
And she did.  
  
She had faith that no matter what they were up against in this new territory, they would come out better and stronger.  
  
Despite the faith, Chloe struggled. They had only been living together for a few days and Chloe could count the minutes she had seen Beca, not to mention spoken with her. It was mostly circumstantial. Chloe would start her day bright and early, usually up before the break of dawn. She would enjoy the early hours sitting on her balcony with a hot cup of tea before getting ready for her first classes of the day.  
  
By the time Chloe would come home from school or work, she would either find Beca running around the apartment in a hurry to leave or she would have left already. And due to the girl’s chosen career field, Beca would return home when Chloe was fast asleep.  
  
Their lives weren’t connected much, something Chloe had assumed would change if they were living in the same apartment.  
  
Monday –Beca’s official and often single day off in the week- became the first day that Chloe got to see her friend for more than just five minutes.  
  
“Good morning, Becs!” Chloe cheered from the kitchen as she watched her friend -and roommate yet again- appear into the living room area. She was slowly making her way towards the couch with a grumpy scowl on her face and even though it was almost noon, it didn’t seem like Beca had slept a satisfyingly amount of hours. “Do you want pancakes?” Chloe asked and waited for an appreciative hum to echo silently through the room.  
  
Chloe smiled to herself. Even after all these months, she still knew exactly how her friend operated and what she had to do –especially after the girl had just woken up- to get under those brick walls she kept up.  
  
“How was work last night?” Chloe asked interested as she placed Beca’s plate in front of her and took a seat on the vacant couch next to Beca’s.  
  
“Outstanding, as always.” Beca groaned sarcastic as she dug her teeth in the food. Her appearance instantly shifted. Her jaw unclenched, her eyebrows relaxed, her eyes even showed a slight glimmer. “This is really good.” She spoke surprised. “Are you sure _you_ made this?”  
  
Chloe laughed at the offence. “Actually, I’ve been taking cooking classes over the summer.” Chloe answered shyly.  
  
“Are you serious?” Beca mumbled. “How do you find the time to do all these things.” She stated with a scoff. “You go to school, you work like six jobs..”  
  
“Not six, Becs.” Chloe chuckled. “But I have been thinking about quitting the coffee shop. It just doesn’t work anymore. I could use those two evenings a week working on the projects I never have time for. And I only started there for the money, but the theater is paying me a little more now and I think it could be enough.”  
  
Beca nodded as she swallowed her final bite before speaking. “I think that’s a good idea.”  
  
“You do?’ Chloe asked. It seemed Beca was sincere and thoughtful in her answer and for the first time in a long time, the girl played an active part in her life again.  
  
“Yeah, I mean-“ Beca continued. “-there’s no reason for you to stay there if you don’t have to. And even if you’re a little short on cash, I can pitch in on your share of the rent.”  
  
“Beca, that’s not necessary.”  
  
“No, I know. I’m just saying if that happens, it’s not an issue.” Beca shrugged indifferently. As if she would offer that to anybody, except Chloe knew that wasn’t true. “We would be fine.”  
  
Beca had moved in with her only last week and already she was offering Chloe financial stability. Chloe knew she wouldn’t take Beca’s money unless she really had to, and even then, she would make sure to pay her friend back. Because Chloe wasn’t in it for Beca’s money. She never was.  
  
Sure, within their relationship, rules were different. Chloe didn’t have to count whose turn it was to pay for dinner or how much she owed Beca for those tickets to New York. Now as friends, she still didn’t count the dollars, but she made sure things went fair and for the most part equally divided.  
  
But the proposal of financial assistance wasn’t what stirred up her emotions.  
  
Beca’s usage of the word _‘we’_ was to blame for that. They hadn’t been a _‘we’_ in a very long time. They still weren’t the _‘we’_ -variant Chloe would want them to be, but they were friends and they were roommates and that had to be enough for the moment.  
  
Chloe couldn’t see how a romantic relationship between her and Beca could develop and persevere at this time in their lives. They weren’t just two people with busy schedules, they were literally day and night.  
  
To Chloe, it would feel like a long distance relationship despite their living arrangements, and they wouldn’t do that earlier, and she was definitely not doing it now.  
  
Chloe was too much of a physical touch kind of person. Whenever she was dating someone, the twenty-four hours in the day weren’t enough for her. She wanted to be near them constantly and she wasn’t ashamed to admit that.  
  
She was clingy; taking an interest to an excessive degree in her partner’s life was her idea of a good relationship.  
  
What she had with Beca in her final college year was perfect for that reason. The exception being separate classes, Chloe did just about everything with her girlfriend and it was never enough. A big part of her happiness within any relationship depended on how many hours a day she had spent with her partner.  
  
To Chloe, that was _true_ intimacy.  
  
Her eyes brought her back to reality when she found Beca staring at her in confusion. Chloe quickly smiled, took a deep breath and continued the conversation. “I do like working there and now that Danielle has moved out, I’m scared I won’t see her at all if I quit.”  
  
Beca shook her head with a smug, tight-lipped and quite judgmental smile, as if she knew something Chloe didn’t.  
  
“What?!” Chloe snapped impatient.  
  
“You’re still doing it, Beale.” Beca sighed as she gathered the dirty dishes and made her way into the kitchen. “Keeping your options open.”  
  
“I am not.” Chloe spoke slightly insulted.  
  
“You are. You never could make a decision and now that you have, it scares you. You’re pursuing art, but you still think you won’t be good enough, in which case you can turn to the coffee shop and be a barista for the rest of your life.”  
  
Beca could be downright rude at times, completely inconsiderate to Chloe’s feelings, but the only thing that she was hurt by was the truth. “What’s wrong with being a barista?” Chloe whispered slightly emotional.  
  
“Nothing.” Beca stated as she cleaned the kitchen utensils Chloe used to make her own lunch and Beca’s breakfast. It didn’t sound like a lie. Chloe could hear the carelessness drip off of her voice and she knew Beca truly didn’t care if she served coffee for the rest of her life. It reassured her yet scared her, too. “I just think you could do better than that.”  
  
Chloe could shed a few tears right there and then, but she decided not to. She sucked them back in and recomposed herself. “Thanks, Becs. I’ll think about it.” She said as she grabbed her keys from the counter, lifted her bag over her shoulder and moved in to kiss Beca’s cheek, who -she could feel- was locking her jaw instantly, but didn’t comment or even took her eyes off of the dishes she was currently scrubbing.  
  
“You have class?” Beca asked as Chloe made her way towards the door.  
  
“For two hours, then I’ll be heading to the theater. I’ll be back before dinner.” Chloe said, suddenly overwhelmed with a domestic and comfortable feeling. She stepped out and closed the door before realizing something. “Oh and Becs,-“ She spoke with her head peeking through the door opening. “-You do know we have a dishwasher, right?”  
  
“What!”  
  
Chloe laughed and then winked at the shocked woman who was standing in the kitchen with yellow gloves pulled up all the way to her elbows with water and soap dripping off of them.  
  
“Damn it, Beale!” Beca yelled as Chloe closed the door on her.

* * *

  
  
Most days were like that. Beca would be the girl Chloe had always known her to be. Not necessarily cheerful, but fun to be around, even with that grumpy scowl glued to her face. She would be sarcastic, and straightforward with her opinions and most importantly, she would make Chloe laugh.  
  
Immensely. Like, aching abdomen and hurting muscles in her cheeks she didn’t know she had kind of laughter.  
  
But some days -and particularly nights- Beca would be a gloomy version of herself with dark circles underneath her eyes and a sense of lifelessness shimmering in her eyes.  
  
Chloe didn’t hate that part of her. She had known from the start Beca had a darker side to her being, awaiting to be embraced. But that didn’t mean she liked to see the girl she loved struggle.  
  
Chloe noticed it from one of Beca’s very first nights in this apartment.  
  
It was around one or two in the morning when the slamming of the front door had awoken her abruptly. It was as if Beca had momentarily forgotten she had a roommate, -or neighbors. Chloe listened attentively to the mumbling coming from the living room and she knew the girl was cursing underneath her breath.  
  
Chloe wanted to jump out of bed, run towards her best friend and hold her tight, but she couldn’t. She wasn’t sure her touch or even her presence would somehow be helpful to the younger woman. Not anymore.  
  
Despite them coming this far, Beca wouldn’t allow Chloe to see behind her façade anymore. She hid things from her, things that were perhaps more important than anything else to Chloe.  
  
Feelings.  
  
Whenever she tried to get Beca to open up, she would claim she was fine –happy even- and shut down. But of course, Chloe knew better than to believe that. She knew she wasn’t happy, part of her had known that since the first time she had seen Beca Mitchell again, but she truly learned when the girl came to live with her.  
  
Chloe had stupidly thought the clouds would clear, that Beca’s dreary times would magically come to an end. After two weeks of living with her and not seeing any improvement, Chloe decided to take a different approach.  
  
She set an alarm that would wake her up in the middle of the night to which she moved herself wrapped in a blanket to the couch in the living room where she waited. The couch –although comfortable while seated- pained her every bone and Chloe knew she was going to feel that going into the following morning.  
  
Chloe hoped it would appear as though she had innocently fallen asleep on the sofa, but as soon as Beca barged into the apartment, she could tell the young woman knew exactly what she was doing and despite the many layers, Chloe suddenly felt very exposed.  
  
“What are you doing here?” Beca groaned as she threw her keys on the counter and started to dress out of clothes Chloe assumed were very uncomfortable to Beca.  
  
“Oh.” Chloe yawned. “I must have fallen asleep.” She spoke unconvincing. “Everything alright?”  
  
“Sure.” Beca said with her teeth clenched. “It’s all just fucking great.” She cursed as she aggressively began to wash her face, presumably to remove the layers of make-up she had on.  
  
Chloe moved on instinct and before she knew it, she was holding onto both of Beca’s wrists to prevent the woman from hurting herself. Instead of all the things she had planned out to say, Chloe just stared at the woman who slowly lost all of her hardened and tough features. Within seconds, Beca went from a dangerously close to exploding woman to a nineteen year old kid who was simply struggling.  
  
“I gave up everything for that piece of shit club.”  
  
Beca’s voice didn’t crack. She didn’t show signs of distress or on the verge of shedding tears. Perhaps if she did, Chloe wouldn’t have reacted the way she did.  
  
But Beca’s eyes were spitting fire again, her teeth scraping hearable over each other and her fists balled, ready for combat.  
  
Chloe might not have known a lot, but she had to be declared dead before she would forget how to handle Beca Mitchell’s anger. She acted on instinct and she knew if she had even given it the slightest of thoughts, she would have chosen a different approach.  
  
“So?”  
  
The single word caused Beca to target her anger at Chloe, rapidly and way too easily. For a second there, as Chloe stared into the unrecognizably dark and empty eyes, she felt intimidated. Perhaps anyone else would be scared, but not Chloe.  
  
Chloe was right where she wanted to be.  
  
“So it owes you everything? Is that it, Becs?”  
  
Beca broke away from her, physically and emotionally, as she shook her head in disbelief and headed for the refrigerator. She was too afraid to face her, Chloe could tell. She didn’t want to be triggered, yet she already was.  
  
“Fuck off.” Beca spoke visibly insulted.  
  
“Look at me, Beca!” Chloe yelled out a little louder than intended to, but it gained her the attention she requested. “It’s two am on a school night and I’m up trying to get you to talk to me.” She sounded desperate and borderline insane, but she didn’t care. “Now I know exactly what you left behind.” Her voice cracked and she hated it so much, she quickly continued her motivational speech. “Your family, your friends..”  
  
She made eye contact with Beca who was following her every move. Her eyes were beautiful and full of emotions again, as much as the girl could afford to show. It was enough for Chloe.  
  
“And I don’t know what’s going on with your work.” She chuckled as she inched closer to Beca. “But you don’t owe it everything, -your life, your happiness.”  
  
Beca sighed and for the first time, she let go of her anger and annoyance. “I guess.” She mumbled in surrender.  
  
“You can do better than that.” Chloe joked as she led the girl towards the couch.  
  
“I just don’t know.” Beca spoke tired as she collapsed on the couch. “This is everything I have ever wanted. Why is it not enough?”  
  
“Did you really think it would be?” Chloe laughed as she opened a bottled of wine that she kept on the table for decoration, something that Beca made sure to mock her with every day. It was secretly an emergency bottle, for occasions like that night.  
  
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Beca smiled suspicious at her words as she accepted the glass container.  
  
“It means you’re Beca Mitchell.” Chloe concluded as she watched the wine easily disappear into Beca’s mouth. “You’re the queen of crazy dreams and when they come true, you find even crazier dreams to go pursue. You don’t go for second-best.”  
  
Beca shrugged understandingly before passing the bottle along.  
  
“The old Beca wouldn’t settle.” Chloe teased as she lied down on the couch and stretched her legs out, her feet resting on Beca’s lap.  
  
“The old Beca wouldn’t do a lot of things.”  
  
Chloe didn’t know what she meant by that. It sounded like it was in regards to their former romantic relationship. Beca’s voice was off, as if it was filled with a foreign emotion; guilt, remorse, perhaps just plain sadness. Even though that was more common in Beca’s life than she would want to admit.  
  
Instead of getting into that, Chloe decided to smile it off and keep drinking.  
  
It wasn’t like any of that mattered anymore.  
  
“But really, Becs-“ Chloe started as she took another look at her friend’s saddened face. She leaned in and this time, she didn’t care if it made Beca feel uncomfortable, she needed physical contact to get her point across. “I know you had to give up a lot to be where you are right now. And I’m proud of you, no matter what!” She decided to clarify first and foremost. “But if this doesn’t make you happy, has it really been worth it all?”  
  
Beca returned her smile, although a little more awkward than Chloe’s, like that was anything new. She took the girl’s discomfort as a sign to head to bed for the second time that night, hopeful for just a few more hours of sleep before her alarm clock would go off again. She squeezed Beca’s shoulder as she got up and retrieved her blanket from where she last dropped it.  
  
“Follow your dreams, Becs.” Chloe yawned as she strolled away from the girl. “Never settle!” She fist-pumped her way out of the area.


	6. November: Part Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was supposed to go up earlier, but.. You know.. Life happened.. I hope you guys are still enjoying this story! I know I still am, even if I can't write as much and as often as I would like to. 
> 
> Leave me a message with your thoughts and feels about this chap, why don't you? :D

_‘Follow your dreams.’  
_  
Chloe made it sound so easy. As if Beca had any idea what she wanted. Her only dream in life was to make it to LA, but now that she was there, it didn’t feel as satisfying as she had dreamed of all those days and nights.  
  
She didn’t know what she was missing in her life. All Beca knew was that the Tuesday nights in the club weren’t enough. And perhaps Chloe Beale was right. Perhaps nothing would ever be enough for Beca.  
  
The club -and specifically the club’s manager Brandon- had been the sole reason for Beca to depart Louisiana and because of that, she had felt like she needed to settle. She owed that place everything, because she had given up everything for it.  
  
Now Beca didn’t care much about bartending most nights or DJ’ing the most uneventful night of the week. She wasn’t less of a woman nor a professional DJ because of it. But she had expected more of it. Brandon dragged her over here all the way from Louisiana, -quite literally flew her out- yet he didn’t put her skills to work.  
  
Beca wasn’t motivated. No one triggered her to be better the way Kevin used to. And she was starting to think she needed that.  
  
Chloe’s words echoed in Beca’s head for days and days after that hectic night, but Beca didn’t do anything with them. She refused to believe that she settled when this had been the life she had dreamt of ever since she could remember.  
  
They also hadn’t discussed that night or the topic of Beca’s job since then. Chloe had given Beca several openings each day to bring it up, but Beca didn’t. She wasn’t like Chloe. She didn’t desire to talk about everything she felt and every thought she had regarding it.  
  
Beca would solve all of this on her own. That was what she always did and that was what she was used to. She would figure it all out and things would be fine. There was nothing about her situation that Chloe could help her with anyway.  
  
Thanksgiving was coming up or, as Chloe decided to call it, _Friendsgiving_. Chloe figured, since they didn’t have the means to travel and their families couldn’t come to them, they would celebrate this year with their new made friends.  
  
Which basically meant Beca was forced to have dinner with a bunch of strangers. Five of those and Morgan, as that was the only real friend Beca would want to have around and Chloe forced her to at least invite one.  
  
They had to rent a table large enough for eight people and foldable chairs to match, since they barely owned a couch that could cover that many people. They were forced to expand their collection of silverware since they were two adults who had recently started living on their own and pretty much owned one item each.  
  
Beca –for one- didn’t see why they had to celebrate it this way at all. She would be content just sitting on the living room floor in her pajamas eating Chinese takeout and watching Shark Tank reruns, but when she pitched that idea to her roommate, it was as if she had insulted Chloe in the worst way possible.  
  
“How dare you, Becs! It’s Thanksgiving. It’s our civilian right as Americans to celebrate it as big as we can.” Chloe preached abruptly patriotic as she continued to fill the shopping cart Beca was pushing around.  
  
“I just don’t get why I have to host a party for all these people I don’t even know.” Beca mumbled grumpy.  
  
“ _You_ host?” Chloe turned to look at her in the most judgmental way possible. Beca understood everything her eyes were telling her. Chloe had arranged it all and she was even planning to cook for the group. The only thing Beca was planning to do was complain.  
  
“I’m here, aren’t I?” Beca smiled smug as she softly hit her friend with the cart.  
  
Chloe laughed as she made her way into the aisle with bottles of alcoholic drinks. “You do know them, though. Danielle and Jim are coming,-“  
  
“I don’t know them.” Beca interrupted annoyingly. She knew them by name, and she knew _of_ them, but nothing beyond that extent. She had no idea what she was supposed to discuss over dinner with the couple she had seen a handful of times.  
  
Chloe simply continued as if Beca hadn’t said a word. “-and Jared and Kim from my art classes, they were at my party as well, but I think they left shortly after you arrived. And then there’s this woman who works at the theater with me. She’s recently single and I didn’t want her to be alone on a day like Thanksgiving.”  
  
‘Chloe Beale’, Beca thought, ‘always looking out for other people’.  
  
“So I don’t know any of them.” Beca replied sharp as she witnessed how Chloe was still hesitant to pick a bottle of wine. Beca didn’t like to do grocery shopping, but she especially hated it when Chloe joined her, because the girl was uncoordinated in her route and undecidable in her item choices.  
  
“Whose fault is that, Becs? Maybe if you actually made an effort to get to know my friends instead of clinging to Morgan all night..”  
  
Beca lifted herself from the cart and grabbed the cheapest bottles of wine and threw it in the basket to make a point, unable to keep her deathly glare off of Chloe. Luckily the bottles were caught by leaves of bread, but Beca had assumed they might very well break due to the amount of force she used.  
  
Chloe in return picked up two more expensive bottles, to which Beca rolled her eyes in surrender. She didn’t care much about the cost, she just wanted her friend to make a decision, so they could move on and hopefully check-out before the end of the day.  
  
But instead of continuing their way into the next aisle, Chloe yelped she forgot yet another thing and Beca simply followed her towards the back of the store, as if she didn’t know any better.  
  
A good hour –perhaps an hour and a half- after entering the store, Beca was finally loading plastic bags of groceries into the car while Chloe was chatting on about how bad she felt for the employees of the store, having to work on such a day.  
  
“I’m sure they get well paid.” Beca reasoned as she got behind the wheel.  
  
“They work in retail, Becs. Of course they don’t.”  
  
Beca shrugged, silently agreeing to the woman’s words. She pulled out of the parking lot and drove the few blocks towards their shared apartment. Beca had lived there for almost a month now, but it didn’t feel like home yet.  
  
That was just who Beca was.  
  
Perhaps the only house she ever considered a home was the place where she grew up in; the place where she still had a mother and a father.  
  
Everything after that was just a house. Nothing more than brick walls that shielded her from the temperatures outside.  
  
Maybe she felt at home in the dorm room she shared with Chloe last year, but Beca couldn’t recall. It was hard for her to remember a certain feeling without bringing them all back again, so she made sure to block everything.  
  
Yet this day –the fourth Thursday of November- brought back specific memories. And perhaps with those, some feelings found their way back as well.  
  
It was hard to believe it had been a year since Beca spent that faithful school break with Chloe Beale and her family. It was even more difficult to remember what happened when they returned from that trip, and everything else that followed.  
  
They had gone through so much together.  
  
Sometimes Beca couldn’t believe what was thrown their way, but they were here. A year later. Together. In a different car, but the same songs on the radio they would sing along to. A different relationship, but the same two people, even if they had both changed.  
  
To some degree, Beca wondered if they had in fact changed at all.  
  
Beca knew she was still the same person. A different city, yes. A different club, yes. But the same job. The same person she had always been. And so was Chloe. Their surroundings had changed, their lives no doubt had, too, but Beca hadn’t.  
  
Perhaps it was shortsighted of her to think like that. Even if they hadn’t changed on the surface, Beca knew there were some major alterations below. Pain and scars on places that couldn’t be seen. Damage to more important areas than physically, like Beca’s shortened hair.  
  
She was aware of the damage she caused Chloe and that was possibly reason enough for someone to change.  
  
Yet she couldn’t shake the feeling that while the car didn’t resemble Chloe’s Chevy Camaro, it still felt like they were heading towards something equally great as their return from Kansas post-Thanksgiving break.  
  
And Beca could wait.  
  
She didn’t consider it _waiting_ , though. Her feelings for Chloe hadn’t changed, they were just locked away for the simple purpose of functioning as a normal human being. So Beca would be her friend if Chloe wanted that, even if it wasn’t all that Beca wanted, even if it was painful at times.  
  
Because Beca was the one that had hurt her, had left her. And even though Chloe had forgiven her, had let her back into her life, Beca knew there was damage there. It meant she had no right to say when -or even if- they could progress into something more than friends.  
  
Beca had made her peace with it. It had been her decision to leave for Los Angeles, now it was Chloe’s decision whether or not they would get back together.  
  
All Beca could do, was stick around and not leave her again.  
  
“Is that Morgan?!” Chloe yelled excitedly as Beca pulled into their street.  
  
She looked to where Chloe was pointing at and indeed spotted the young man walking towards their apartment block. Beca almost didn’t recognize him in his anything-but-casual outfit. His ripped jeans had been exchanged for black trousers and as far as Beca could tell, the shoes on his feet were not from his own collection.  
  
What really surprised her, however, was Chloe jumping out of the car without it coming to a full stop and running up to hug Morgan.  
  
“Since when did you become such good friends?” Beca asked rather annoyed at the act as she carried all the bags out of the car. Her teeth gritted in unpleasantness, obviously feeling envious.  
  
“We’ve been texting.” Chloe stated with an arm around the man’s body. “See, unlike you Beca, I try to get to know your friends.”  
  
Beca shook her head to dodge the shots coming her way and instead focused her displeasure at the other party. “You coming from a job interview?”  
  
Morgan looked down at himself, perhaps temporarily insecure in his looks, if only Beca didn’t know better.  
  
“ _I_ think he looks great.” Chloe flirted, way too easily for Beca’s liking. Her hands slid over his torso and Beca had to look away to prevent throwing up on the spot.  
  
Not interested in seeing her two best friends casually flirt with each other, Beca made her way towards the apartment and once again wondered why she was putting in the effort for people she barely knew.  
  
She dropped the groceries in the kitchen and waited for Morgan and Chloe to enter, which they did in full laughter minutes later.  
  
At least their hands weren’t all over each other anymore, but Beca wasn’t any less annoyed.  
  
“I’m not putting all this crap away.” She complained, if only for the sake of interrupting whatever the two were laughing about.  
  
“Has she always been like this?” Morgan asked Chloe intrigued as he started unpacking the bags and resting the contents on the counter.  
  
“Believe me, this is nothing.” Chloe teased as she draped her arms over Beca’s shoulders.  
  
She could feel Chloe’s front pressing against her back, but she refused to allow her warmth in. She kept all of her muscles tensed, as if it would form a literal wall between them. Beca knew it wasn’t working, since several body areas were already feeling the effect of Chloe’s touch, but she was stubborn and headstrong.  
  
Besides, she knew it was as innocent as Chloe’s hands on Morgan’s chest. There was no lust or desire there, just flirtation. And that happened to be Chloe Beale’s middle name.  
  
After a few more displays of mockery on their end about Beca’s personality, Morgan explained he came a few hours early to help with dinner and Chloe was quick to accept his help. Beca tried to work on some new songs, but distractions prevented that from happening. Chloe was making up lyrics about _Friendsgiving_ and singing along to the tune of Morgan’s beatboxing skills.  
  
It was all just a happy mess and Beca was too grumpy for it all. She retrieved into her bedroom where she got some work done on her laptop before deciding to change for the evening. Chloe had already made it clear there was a dress code and Beca knew she had to obey her.  
  
She had a few different outfits laid out on her bed; the first was a short and tight black dress that Beca kept aside for certain occasions. The second was a formal pantsuit that consisted out of a matching pants and jacket with a white blouse underneath. The last option was a plain black shirt with denim jeans, which somehow felt like the most comfortable choice.  
  
Beca was in her underwear trying to make a decision when her bedroom door swung open and Chloe entered, her eyes unashamed and unbothered following Beca’s body until they locked with her eyes.  
  
Now, Beca could easily imagine what it was she would do in a situation like that.  
  
She would turn instantly – a complete one-eighty with her eyes firmly shut-, she would try to apologize, but most likely trip over her words and leave the room as fast as she could.  
  
But of course that wasn’t what Chloe Beale did. She stood confidently strong facing Beca, her feet even inching closer instead of running out the room. She formed a grammatically correct sentence using words she probably had planned inside her head before her entrance into the room.  
  
“Hey Becs, do you think we should make name tags for where everyone’s seated, or should we keep it casual?”  
  
“Beale!” Beca screamed as she tried to find cover for her too-revealing body. The only thing she could find in her near range were the denim jeans she considered wearing that evening. It didn’t cover that much, but Beca could cling it to her chest and feel less exposed.  
  
“Oh, come on, Becs. It’s nothing I haven’t seen yet.” Chloe teased as she approached her and scanned the options laid out on the bed. “Definitely the dress.” Chloe decided instantly. She smiled softly at Beca, kissed her cheek, then skipped out of the room.  
  
Beca knew she didn’t have boundaries. Chloe never had, at least not when it came to her. Beca found that out early on when she barged into her occupied shower stall without even an ounce of shame.  
  
It was just how Chloe was and Beca knew that prevented things from ever getting boring when it came to the girl.  
  
Aware of the outfit Chloe would want her to wear, Beca put on the pantsuit just to spite her. She fixed her hair and makeup really quick and went back into the living room area, where Chloe Beale was nowhere to be seen and Morgan was standing in the kitchen stirring pots while whistling along to some song in his head.  
  
“Don’t you look nice tonight.” He complimented with a playful grin on his face. It was as if he knew how much Beca hated his flattering remarks.  
  
“Where’s Beale?” She asked as she scanned the table that was already made. A Christmas-themed tablecloth was thrown over the rented, wooden table. Every plate had their own set of cutlery wrapped in a red napkin as a fancy addition to their meal. And to top it all off, there were paper swans swimming in the yet-empty wine glasses. Most of them were folded in a perfected way, but others were clearly made by Morgan; the simplicity and rather childish way they were created gave him away.  
  
Beca checked the names on the cards that were placed on each plate and switched them until she was satisfied with her position and the group’s.  
  
“She’s taking a shower, I believe.” Morgan said as he seemed to be testing the hot sauce.  
  
“You’re disgusting.” Beca commented before snatching the big spoon from his hands and going in for a taste herself.  
  
Morgan laughed and since his could be so contagious at times, Beca joined him for longer than she would have wanted.  
  
“Alright, well I think everything is ready.” Morgan breathed out heavy eventually. He checked the time on his phone before turning his eyes back on Beca, ever so smooth. “We still have half an hour before the people arrive. Whatever should we do?” He teased flirtatious.  
  
“Are you thinking what I’m thinking?” Beca played along, knowing exactly what was on his mind.  
  
“I’ll race you.” Morgan stated as he leaned in, but Beca’s mind already sent the trigger to her legs and before he knew it, she was on the move and running towards her DJ equipment. Despite her attempts, Morgan and his long legs caught up with her. His muscled arms lifted her off the ground without much of an effort and Beca could only kick her legs into the air as an act of resistance.  
  
“Damn you, old man.” Beca muttered as she was forced to watch him blast music through the apartment, but it didn’t take long for him to give up the controls and dance through the living room, allowing Beca to swoop in and adjust his tracks.  
  
That half an hour flew by with Morgan dancing to Beca’s beats and him bringing her drink after drink, -in Beca’s opinion that all that was needed for a holiday- but the buzzer went off and she was reminded of the evening Chloe had planned out for them.  
  
“Beale!” Beca yelled as she buzzed them in. “Your friends are here! Beale!”  
  
Chloe replied only after the second mention of her name, something that Beca had gotten used to. “I’m not ready yet!” She yelled back and Beca sighed annoyed, but not surprised.  
  
“Fine, I’ll just leave them outside until you are.” Beca lied to push Chloe’s buttons.  
  
“Becs!” She whined childishly. “Let them in and pretend you’re social and nice for _five_ minutes.”  
  
Beca rolled her eyes as she opened the door and leaned towards it pending their guests that hadn’t made it to their floor yet, but of course nothing would happen before Morgan could give his opinion on things.  
  
“I _so_ can’t wait for you two to get back together again.” He whispered in Beca’s ear as he passed by and headed for the kitchen.  
  
Beca was wondering if she could kill him with one of Chloe’s stilettos.  
  
“Hi, you must be Beca!” A middle-aged woman spoke from across the hall and brought Beca back to reality.  
  
She forced a smile and shook the woman’s hand. “Yeah, I am. And you are?”  
  
“I’m Jade. I work with Chloe in the theater downtown.”  
  
“Right.” She nodded awkwardly.  
  
Morgan appeared just on time with a tray full of filled wine glasses and offered one to the lady that had at least ten years on them. The young man’s charisma rescued Beca out of that uncomfortable situation and she stood near them and laughed along, but let most of the talking up to Morgan and Jade.  
  
A few minutes later, the buzzer went off again and Beca pressed the button to open the door for the people downstairs. “Beale, come on.” Beca complained as she passed by her room. They both knew the girl didn’t need all that time to get ready.  
  
Beca waited once again for the guests to arrive on their floor. This time, two people stepped out of the elevator. They weren’t the couple Beca had met occasionally, so she assumed they had to be Chloe’s friends from the art institute.  
  
The young woman, presumably around Beca’s age, greeted her with a hug and Beca already knew she wasn’t going to get along with her. The man that accompanied her had better manners and simply shook her hand.  
  
Jared and Kim, Beca thought she remembered Chloe telling her.  
  
The two stepped inside the apartment and Morgan was quick to lead them towards the kitchen where he seemed to be the host of the party.  
  
Beca didn’t mind. ‘Better him than her’, she thought. Morgan was better at these kind of things, anyway. He had the charisma and social skills Beca sometimes would wish she had.  
  
The air in the apartment became suddenly frosty and foreign in the minutes past the strangers’ arrival into Beca’s personal and private space, despite it being well over seventy-seven degrees in late November, West Los Angeles.  
  
Beca’s skin didn’t feel warmth, her fingers didn’t lose their numbness and her entire body didn’t regain consciousness until her roommate appeared and heated the room to be the perfect Californian temperature again.  
  
Chloe was wearing a red dress that showed just the right amount of skin –but somehow not enough for Beca’s preference. Her hair was curled, up in a bun, but with strays falling down perfectly over her shoulders and Beca could tell that most of her time in that room was spent on her attention for detail.  
  
She looked flawless, as she did this morning when Beca ran into her in the bathroom with her childish pajama pants and her shirt rolled up, as she did when Beca came home late one night and found the woman in question asleep on the couch with an opened bag of Cheetos on her stomach, as she did every single and separate occasion Beca had ever lied her eyes on the beautiful creature.  
  
Before Beca could remember to speak or even to close her mouth after the jaw-dropping moment of her appearance, Morgan swept in to compliment the woman and persuaded her into a spontaneous dance through the living room.  
  
Not for the first time that day or even that week, she was feeling envious of Morgan. Yet this time, it was more than just his personality or his spontaneity she craved a piece of. This time, she was jealous of the placement of his hands on Beca’s former lover, the looks she gave him, the smiles she allowed him to see.  
  
The buzzer echoed through the room for the third time that evening and instead of doing what any normal person would do, Chloe ran out the room and off the multiple steps of stairs to open the door at the main entrance where Chloe’s old roommate and her boyfriend were awaiting her.  
  
She returned minutes later with Danielle in a tight, sideways embrace and Jim following them closely, wearing the smile of that of a proud father.  
  
Beca was simply glad the party was complete and they could start their dinner at last.  
  
She had strategically placed herself on one end of the table with Morgan sitting beside her and Chloe across from her, to shield herself from any possible and likely bad scenarios from happening, except Beca learned very early on that night that it wasn’t necessary.  
  
Beca was enjoying herself. She was having fun. She was laughing at the stories and jokes of the people who were considered strangers to her before the arrival of that evening.  
  
She took a moment to stop and look around the room, at the people Chloe had invited, at the decorations that were bought for this night and also every other carefully placed object that served no practical purpose but make the house look more appealing.  
  
Chloe had made an effort, she had put hard work into it, not just for that festive night, but everything that Beca could lay her eyes on in the house she had been so lucky to share with her. Beca didn’t understand most of them; the scented candles she never lit, the plants she always forgot to water, the three different coffee makers Chloe managed to somehow use alternately.  
  
Beca couldn’t help but realize how much color Chloe brought into her life, and she wasn’t talking about the bright self-made paintings that hung on every wall in the house. She meant the people she invited in when Beca preferred to be alone, the laughs she somehow managed to pull her into even in her grumpiest moods.  
  
Beca wasn’t naïve. She wouldn’t say she couldn’t picture her life without Chloe Beale, because she could. And Beca would be fine. She would be okay. She would still be kicking ass, working hard to accomplish her dreams and thriving.  
  
Yet she couldn’t help but picture what she would come home to, -a place similar to what she already had come home to in the past. An empty apartment, paperless walls, pictureless frames. It was easy to imagine how she would spend this day if Chloe Beale wasn’t in her life. Perhaps not alone, but less traditional and definitely with a scowl on her face.  
  
Chloe had always dragged Beca into the light, away from the darkness that had settled into her bones from an early age. She wasn’t born angry or grumpy, but for the most part, life had made Beca that way. And she had grown used to it; the anger, the self-pity, the feeling of having the whole world against her.  
  
Nevertheless, Beca wasn’t unhappy. The pure and evil black she had come to know as a presence in her life during her early teenage years had lightened to a soft grey now that she was approaching her twenties. Everything wasn’t bad anymore. Beca had grown to understand that every person had their own struggles. Her mother’s death was caused by disease, not because the world plotted against her, to bring Beca Mitchell to her knees.  
  
And even with that knowledge, Beca knew her world would never be more than just that shade of grey.  
  
Chloe Beale in that red dress with her yellow paintings and rainbow-colored pillows penetrated that darkness in every way.  
  
Now Beca loved the way she worked. How anger would be her go-to emotion. How the scowl on her face would keep strangers out. But she had also come to love having Chloe in her life and everything she brought along.  
  
Even if they weren’t together, even if Chloe didn’t feel the way she once did for her, she knew that as long as the extraordinary woman would be in her life, Beca would never have to go through life in black and grey ever again.


	7. December: Part One

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a little glance into the life of Chloe Beale..

Chloe jumped out of bed like it was any other morning, except today wasn’t any other day. Today was the first day of December; the official start of the holidays, in Chloe’s book. As of today, it wouldn’t be considered frowned-upon by the majority of people to sing along to Christmas songs and wear festive clothes.  
  
In this scenario, just like most others, Beca Mitchell wasn’t a part of that majority. If it were up to the tiny rebel, Chloe wouldn’t be able to rock out to the Wham! hit song until December 25th.  
  
Chloe walked three blocks that morning to the nearest shopping mall to gather props she needed for the children’s theatre play, while her phone blasted an appropriate Spotify playlist through her headphones –Beca’s headphones, to be correct; the pair that had regularly gone missing and left Beca aimlessly searching the apartment while Chloe learned she simply always left it in the bathroom. How and why it got there, Chloe didn’t know and she didn’t ask.  
  
Chloe bought a few different hats and child’s size blazers they would need for their upcoming show –and Chloe’s debut as a _motivational coach_ , as the team liked to call it- of the infamous Mary Poppins musical.  
  
The kids had been working on it for weeks and now the performance was fast approaching. In addition to buying required items, Chloe still needed to finish a few of the sceneries they needed for the show. She had already painted a lot; the inside and outside of the Banks’ household, the chalk drawing made by Bert the street painter in the original play, the roof scene and the park. Chloe hadn’t done enough research on Edwardian London circa 1910 for her liking in order to paint a believable picture of their streets and houses.  
  
Since Chloe didn’t have any classes that day, she headed towards the theatre a little earlier than she normally would. Jade, her recently single friend, was in the middle of her session with the little ones. The group of kids were a handful, from what Chloe could tell. They weren’t old enough to realize they had to listen and obey, but Jade was good with them and somehow got them to finish their assignments, no matter how big of a detour she had to take to reach the child.  
  
Chloe’s group, seven kids ranging between the ages eight and twelve, were already tough on her. They never made it easy on her, but on the other hand, the kids were of an age that they could be serious as well as goof around at times.  
  
Often times, the group reminded Chloe of the Bellas.  
  
Her old all-female acapella college team resembled a couple of rug rats in more ways than Chloe would have expected them to. They, too, didn’t know the difference between a five or a fifteen minute bathroom break. They, too, would push each other’s buttons, would laugh together, and cry together. But just like the Bellas once did, the kids would cling to Chloe and seek for her when in need –good or bad-, look for her to tell her a joke or to wipe their eyes.  
  
She missed her college friends, more than she thought she would, but somehow not any less than expected. Chloe would give anything to spend just one more day with the entire group, to have a drink and laugh more than their lame jokes would require them to. More than anything, Chloe wished to sing together -just one more song.  
  
But their time –Chloe’s time of being a Bella- had passed. She was approximately halfway through accepting that.  
  
In the meanwhile, Chloe learned that it wasn’t just the friendship she appreciated within the Bellas. She also loved to coach, to push people to be better and to be there to witness that when it happened.  
  
It was one of the many reasons Chloe had decided to go all-in when it came to the kids’ theatre. She had given up her back-up as Beca called it, her safety net for when things would turn south and now the theatre was her main and only source of income.  
  
It was scary and Chloe _was_ scared, but she also knew it was the right decision.  
  
Chloe watched Jade's class as one by one her own small team-members came running into the building. Chloe wasn’t sure she would ever get used to the feeling in her chest she would get as she watched the kids tear away from their parent’s grip and run up to hug her tightly while screaming her name.  
  
Chloe loved every single one of them; she felt a sense of motherly protection over them, as if they were somehow her own.  
  
She did her best to keep the children as quiet as you could expect a group of eight to twelve years old to be until finally Jade's class was over and Chloe’s kids ran and climbed on stage in their excitement.  
  
Chloe liked to start every practice with a fun intro, something to loosen the kids and get their energy going, yet it also made sure the children would listen and carry out her orders.  
  
“I think it’s time for a bit of dancing.” Chloe stated mysteriously as she turned the music on and the team instantly started running around and screaming out their excitement.  
  
“Dance off!” Chloe yelled as she joined the kids and started waving her arms great and proud. “Now I want to see some silly dancing!”  
  
The boys started walking around like zombies while using their fingers to pull at their cheeks to create weird and funny faces. The girls started off spinning in circles but were quick to follow the boys’ lead.  
  
“Now show me some confident dancing!” Chloe urged the wild group of kids.  
  
The girls quickly turned it into a fashion show and together with the boys, they walked the metaphorical catwalk one after another.  
  
“And now some sad dancing. You’re all feeling sad!”  
  
Most of the children started pouting, except for one boy in the back -Chandler- who seemed to confuse sadness with anger. His eyebrows dropped and he started kicking the air around him. While this wasn’t the typical version of sadness, Chloe Beale knew all too well that it could hide under layers of anger sometimes.  
  
“Happy, happy, happy, happy!” Chloe yelled to overcome the music as she pulled her lips into the greatest smile and started skipping around, the children quick to follow.  
  
While the kids presumed it was just a fun session before they would grow serious in the play, Chloe used their oblivion to see if they could use their facial features and body to act out different emotions or feelings. And though there was no right or wrong answer, Chloe could use the information to expand her knowledge on the kids.  
  
Eventually, play-time was over and Chloe asked the children to change into their character’s outfit while she dragged the right décor on stage. Many of the kids returned within a matter of minutes and took their respective place, but Amber –one of the girls with a leading part- seemed to be taking her time.  
  
“Mary Poppins, where is my Mary Poppins?” Chloe started to sing to hopefully draw the girl out, except the only thing that appeared was more silence and confusion within the group.  
  
One of the younger boys ran towards Chloe and tugged at her pants until she moved to his eye-level. “Miss Chloe,-“ He whispered ever so sweet. “-Amber is crying.”  
  
Chloe smiled at the boy and thanked him before she went off to find the girl in question. She found her just behind the curtains, sitting on the floor with her knees pulled up to her chest, quietly sobbing.  
  
Chloe sat down beside her and mimicked her position on the floor, fighting her original instinct to pick up the child and hug her until her tears would stop running down her face, because there was a reason behind her sadness and Chloe knew she needed to respect the fact that there was. That Amber wasn’t a little kid who stumped her toe and needed a kiss to make it all better. That Chloe’s embrace couldn’t fix what was perhaps troubling the kid.  
  
Chloe asked the eleven-year old the reason behind her tears and waited patiently until Amber had steadied her breathing and wiped her wet cheeks dry.  
  
“Steffan said Karen would make a better Mary Poppins than I do.”  
  
This wasn’t surprising news to Chloe. She had picked up on some jealousy and tension between the group members. It started long before they held auditions for each role in the play. It was just what happened when you put numerous kids together who seemed to struggle with their own insecurities and issues that came with the age.  
  
“Do you believe that, too?” Chloe asked interested, but not at all planning to change characters this late in the game. Not for a second believing she had to. “Do you think Karen would be better for the part?”  
  
“I don’t know.” The girl mumbled as she fumbled with her shirt. “Karen has prettier hair than me.”  
  
“Karen does have pretty hair.” Chloe stated serious. “Do you know who else has pretty hair? Jane Banks.” She smiled as she poked the young girl’s arm. “I’ll tell you a secret.” She whispered and waited until the kid inched closer. It was obvious Amber’s sadness had passed for the most part, but Chloe didn’t want her to feel like that ever again, even though she knew the child most likely would. Life was cruel like that.  
  
“The real reason I decided you should have the role of Mary Poppins and not Karen..-“ Chloe started secretive while making a show out of checking to see if they were alone behind stage. “Karen can’t _really_ fly!” She spilled as if it was the greatest tragedy in the history of the world.  
  
Amber giggled in an adorable high-pitched voice until she presumably forgot all the reasons why she was sad in the first place.  
  
“You know, sweetie. In my class, it will never be about pretty hair or a cute smile-“ Chloe said as she pointed a blaming finger her way that caused Amber to blush. “-or flying!” She continued silly. “It’s about which character you can portray best. That everyone in the audience will know right away, ‘hey, that’s Mary Poppins!’ and not because of your pretty hair or even the hat.” Chloe stated as she took the prop from the girl’s head and rested it on her own.  
  
“Because of the umbrella?” Amber wondered semi-serious.  
  
“Maybe a little bit.” Chloe laughed. “But also because if you believe you’re the best Mary Poppins, everyone else will see that as well.” She jumped up and pulled Amber to her feet who kept a tight grip on her hand long after she had risen from the ground and they both walked back on stage where Chloe was finally able to start the actual practice.  
  
The kids did well. They remembered most of the words to the songs, but it was clear to Chloe they had to spend more time working on the steps and lines. Two hours after the adults had dropped the children off, they were back to collect one after another. Chloe made small talk with every one of them; Steffan’s father, Elisa’s step-mother, Chandler’s older sister.  
  
Contact was important to her. Those were the people that trusted their kids to spend multiple hours a week in her presence. And she wanted to get to know them as well, wanted to learn more about the kids through the adults in their lives.  
  
After everyone had been picked up, Chloe worked hard to break down the set before the next group would arrive. It was a tough job to have, both physically and mentally. Often times, there was no one else around to help Chloe carry heavy tools, big boxes or even the décor she painted herself. But despite everything, Chloe loved it. It challenged her in every way and she could combine her love for visual art and performing art.  
  
She had lunch that day with her coworkers at the theatre who informed her the tickets for her upcoming Mary Poppins play were fast selling. With less than a week to go, most of the parents and close family of the kids had purchased a ticket, as well as classmates and even a few teachers.  
  
While they had just raised their ticket price, -from 2 dollars to 3,50- it was good to know it wouldn’t prevent them from selling out. The theatre seemed to be thriving. They sold out most of their plays and the number of members were consistently rising as well.  
  
It wasn’t a surprise that the day of Chloe’s debut –the Mary Poppins play-resulted in a packed theatre hall. She had been running around all day, making last-minute errand-runs and trying to get all kids properly dressed and in-time for the show. She hadn’t taken the time to sit back and relax, but as the clock approached four and she had the kids lined up to enter the stage, she managed to sneak a peek of the crowd and she felt herself relaxing at the sight.  
  
Every seat was filled and there were even people standing in the back. It was everything Chloe had hoped for and now that every prop had been set into place, every scenery had been painted and there was nothing left for Chloe to do, she could breathe and trust on her group of talented children.  
  
Her eyes scanned the restless crowd, but they didn’t find Beca Mitchell.  
  
The girl had promised she would try to make it and Chloe believed she would. Her roommate had a team meeting at her work and she wasn’t sure if she would be able to sneak out.  
  
Though Chloe had tried to brush it off and make it sound like it wasn’t a big deal if Beca would be there or not, she knew she wasn’t being convincing. It _was_ just a kids’ play, Chloe knew that, but she would give anything for Beca to be there to see it.  
  
Chloe wanted Beca to see the kids, to hear them sing and dance, to witness the greatness Chloe had seen in them for so long. She didn’t know why, but it meant a lot to her to have Beca Mitchell there in the audience.  
  
However, she got her mind back into focus and pulled her eyes away from the crowd. She gave the kids some last-minute advice and reminded them to have fun over anything else. Something inside her softened and perhaps cracked as she watched her precious youngsters set foot on stage.  
  
Chloe wanted to cry, but remembered she couldn’t. The curtains weren’t going to open itself.  
  
The applause was overwhelming and Chloe quickly made her way to the front row seats where she was mouthing along to the opening song, which was more in favor for herself than the kids, who seemed to have miraculously remembered every word of it.  
  
Chloe felt a sense of pride she hadn’t felt in a while, perhaps not since her life as a Bella. But this was different. She wasn’t on stage with the group, but she felt the nervousness as much as the excitement. The adrenaline rushing through her blood, a beautiful mixture of fearing what the public would think and knowing that it wouldn’t matter.  
  
As the opening song came to an end and the kids started their lines, Chloe moved away from her seat and onto the floor, kneeled and into the light of the stage, away from the darkness of the theatre hall, so that she was visible to the children.  
  
It turned out necessary more than once where someone would forget a line and freeze. Chloe would just nod and smile while mouthing the start of the line and that was enough for them to continue the play.  
  
Chloe was extremely focused on the kids and her attention didn’t leave the stage until a loud applause echoed through the theatre and the curtains fell on the children. Chloe climbed up as they reopened and took a bow with the children, entirely out of a huge sense of pride for the kids and what they managed to achieve. Chloe didn’t see or feel as though this was her success and she didn’t want anyone in the audience to think that, so she decided to introduce the kids and the roles they played.  
  
As she did so, Chloe’s eyes searched the crowd that was currently on their feet and clapping their hands, but she couldn’t find Beca Mitchell anywhere. She knew it wasn’t guaranteed she could make it and even if she could, Chloe doubted Beca would go the extra mile just for a silly theatre play. She figured it was best not to hold out hope and just enjoy the special afternoon with her youngsters.  
  
They took one final bow together and then Chloe guided the kids off-stage where they celebrated with a short but powerful dance-off before she sent the children off to their families that had been so supportive and patient.  
  
She admired from a distance the love that the kids –justifiably- received, and mingled with parents here and there until she felt a warm and too familiar hand on her lower back.  
  
Beca Mitchell stood beside her, -sneakily and suddenly- with a smug smile on her face and a bouquet of flowers poorly hidden behind her back.  
  
The woman didn’t say anything. As if her silence was enough. As if her being there was all that mattered.  
  
Which it was.  
  
“Beca!” Chloe exclaimed surprised. “You made it!”  
  
Beca kept her silence for a little while longer and just nodded. Her eyes stayed locked on Chloe’s and if she tried –if Chloe still believed she could- she would guess what the girl was thinking, but she couldn’t.  
  
If she would, though, she’d say perhaps it was pride that she was seeing in her best friend’s dark pupils.  
  
“That was really good.” Beca stated nonchalant. “For a children’s play.” She downplayed.  
  
Chloe laughed as if her cool act was anything less than expected.  
  
“Oh, these are for you.” Beca said as she handed over the flowers, as if she had forgotten they were in her hands, as if she had forgotten she had bought them especially for her.  
  
“You didn’t have to, Becs!” Chloe smiled shyly as she sniffed the attractively arranged bunch of flowers that were gifted to her. “What did you think?” She asked as she truly wanted to hear her friend’s honest opinion.  
  
Beca started nodding and moved her eyes towards the stage that had left the curtains open and the latest scenery up for show. “I thought it was really good. I didn’t think it would be so clean and professional, but it was. I liked it.”  
  
Chloe sighed, relieved that Beca was positive. “Yeah, the kids are really great. They pick up on new things really fast and they are so eager to learn.”  
  
Beca started chuckling as if Chloe just told her the biggest lie, trying to convince her of a scheme Beca would never buy into. “You can take a little credit, Beale.” Beca smiled softly. “I saw you up there, you know. Mouthing along every word, singing along with the songs. I even caught that little dance you did.”  
  
“Casper didn’t know the steps anymore!”  
  
“Sure, sure.”  
  
Chloe laughed while lightly punching Beca’s arm and she watched her best friend laugh along with her; suddenly all the noise in the loud theatre drifted off and eventually disappeared, along with every person inside of the building and Chloe Beale saw Beca Mitchell again.  
  
As if it was the first time. Or perhaps as if it were the millionth time. Because it felt warm, familiar, -too familiar. And everything was easy. There was no more discussion about what they were; enemies, friends-with-benefits. There were no more distractions; no Hannah, no Jesse, no Ted. Chloe could reach out and kiss the woman she loved and it would be easy, and familiar, -too familiar.  
  
But other things were familiar, too. Some things would always be a constant when it came to Beca Mitchell and Chloe wasn’t sure if she could handle all that familiarity anymore.  
  
As if Beca could tell what she had been thinking, she pulled her eyes away from her, put some distance between them and turned to the stage once again. “So that’s what you’d been working on all those nights, huh?”  
  
Chloe stared at the final scenery, the painting of the park where Mary Poppins flew off and left the Banks’ household a fixed and healthy family, the one she had finished within the timeframe of a few days. It wasn’t the hardest piece, but she was proud of it nonetheless.  
  
Beca climbed up the stage and looked at the craft from up close. “I think I like this one best.”  
  
“Really?” Chloe’s surprise was noticeable in her voice. “I thought you might like the fantasy pieces better.”  
  
“Oh, I definitely do. Those make it seem like you’re an awful artist and I don’t have to feel intimidated by you.”  
  
Chloe giggled like a little kid as she bumped shoulders with the slightly smaller woman. She took a seat on the wooden stage floor in front of the painting, facing away from the dozens of people that were still present and loudly making that clear. Beca followed her act and just like that, it was as if the curtains had closed and it was just them.  
  
“No,-“ Beca continued seriously, or as serious as the sarcastic creature could become. “-these trees look like the ones in the painting you made for me.”  
  
Chloe made that entire thing in one, free afternoon. A few days after she had asked Beca to move in with her and before she had even agreed to.  
  
“I knew you secretly loved it.” Chloe whispered mysteriously as she laid her head on her best friend’s shoulder.  
  
“I don’t hate it.” Beca shrugged indifferently. “Waking up in the woods is starting to grow on me.”  
  
They stayed like that for a while. Staring at some painting Chloe created for a show that didn’t seem so important anymore now that Beca Mitchell was sitting next to her, bringing her flowers and other things that couldn’t be held or seen, but were very much present. Chloe was as sure of that as she was sure of her time and place in the universe.  
  
Children came and left, greeted Chloe with a hug and -if she were lucky- a kiss on her cheek, then ran to their families and skipped out of the theatre, not to be seen again until the next calendar year. They were off to celebrate the holidays and Chloe was left wondering what she’d do with that much spare time. Wondering if perhaps Beca would have more time off as well.  
  
A part of Chloe hoped she would finally see more of Beca. That somehow her chosen career would provide her normal working hours, that she would come home at six and they could have dinner together, roam the streets in the evening, grab a smoothie or some ice cream somewhere, perhaps even visit a club or a local band, like they used to.  
  
But that part of Chloe was selfish. That part of Chloe wanted everything that Beca didn’t.  
  
Beca never wanted a normal life or a regular schedule. She loved sleeping through the morning only to grumpily awake mid-afternoon and to complain about everything in range until she could leave for work again. She loved the atmosphere at night, the people, the energy, the dark streets she’d have to walk at three a.m. to get home.  
  
Chloe never once in the time she had known Beca Mitchell had wanted to change any part of her existence, -no matter how small or big. She had loved and accepted her for all that she was and she always would.  
  
That’s why it was hard for Chloe to admit to herself that the selfish part of her was growing and slowly taking over. Making her believe Beca had to change, -not fundamentally, never fundamentally- but required parts of her life, in order for Chloe to think about progressing into something more.  
  
And perhaps Chloe was making excuses, trying to blame something or point at one specific thing and claim that was the reason she couldn’t be with Beca Mitchell again, because she was scared. Afraid to be hurt again, to be left again, to love someone who could move to another state so easily.  
  
Even though it wasn’t fair of her to think like that, to blame Beca for the decision she made that was her one and only option, the only choice that would bring her happiness and joy, Chloe couldn’t help the way she felt.  
  
It seemed she was waiting for a change on Beca’s part. Something that could assure Chloe that this time would be different. That this time would be better. That this time, she would be enough for Beca to stay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since I most likely won't see you guys again until the end of the month, I wish everyone a Merry Christmas for those who celebrate, and a happy Monday to those who don't. Go watch Pitch Perfect 3 in theatres if you can and come scream to me about it on tumblr because that's what we do in this fandom right?


	8. December: Part Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello peeps! I hope December has been nice to all of you !
> 
> I didn't want to address this, but I felt like I might owed it to some of you people reading. There have been some questions regarding Chloe's POV and since I am the writer of this story, I don't just want to explain things like that, I'd like to tell a story. I did -however- answer one question about it on my Tumblr (lifeisbechloe) so if you feel like you need a little insight as to why I decided to write what I did last chapter, please check that out. I do intend to explain more through this story, so I hope you're all sticking around to find out!
> 
> As always, thanks for reading !

As December had come by to deliver its famous holidays, Beca Mitchell was feeling anything but festive. The young woman was missing her father, the only family she had left that she cared about. With the exception of last year where Beca spent Christmas with the Bellas, all other years were spent in the presence of her father, whether they were on good terms or bad.  
  
They would exchange gifts, Ben Mitchell always going way over the limit they had set and purchasing too many presents for his daughter. They would have a traditional Christmas dinner and for even just a day –one day-, they were simply a father and a daughter. There was no guilt, no blame, no heartache or resentment.  
  
There was –like there had been on many other days a year- an immense feeling of sadness over the absence at the kitchen table. The person they both loved more than anything in the world that had left them too soon. Somehow, Beca was able to find peace in that sadness, even if it was just for one day.  
  
Time had relentlessly brought Christmas to Beca again and she was forced to spend it apart from her father. It was somehow more painful this time around, now that she had worked on her relationship with her dad, now that she had let part of her anger towards him go and learned to love him again, to understand him and his role in the loss they _both_ suffered and not just Beca.  
  
She had not seen the man in months, though they spoke often on the phone and he had gotten better at texting through messaging apps, still Beca missed him. In theory, she could buy a ticket and fly to Louisiana to see him again, to act too tough for a hug, but relax in his arms nonetheless, to check if the bags under his eyes had finally gone, if his eyes had regained its brightness and life, even though Beca was now old enough to understand it if they would never shine again.  
  
But Beca Mitchell didn’t board any plane that day.  
  
She stayed in Los Angeles. She stayed with Chloe. She stayed _home_.  
  
Beca wasn’t comfortable crossing state lines without Chloe anymore and she knew that –even if the woman was up for it- Chloe didn’t have the money to spend on plane tickets.  
  
The woman spent most of Christmas day in the kitchen and Beca just sat on the counter, listening to her stories as she made smoothies for breakfast, cupcakes and cookies for later that day, Italian burritos for lunch and vegan pasta for dinner. Beca tried to help where she could, which meant she would chop tomatoes and onions, but left the actual work to the chef.  
  
It had become a new passion of the girl. Beca assumed now that art had blossomed out of a hobby and into a career –or at least the start of it-, Chloe was in need of something she could do without anyone criticizing or judging it, -apart from Beca’s taste buds. Chloe was also the kind of person who craved personal growth in every way. She wanted to learn new things as often as possible and whenever she did, she turned out to be great at it.  
  
Christmas evening was spent on the couch with Chloe’s homemade chocolate chip cookies and cupcakes while the Home Alone movies showed back-to-back.  
  
There was a time where Beca would fight the offer of a movie with every fiber in her small body. She still wasn’t a fan, but she had learned in the past year to be less selfish. Because Beca had been trained to be selfish for so long, in order to survive. Her hatred for movies was more important than Chloe’s love for it. Her pain was more important than her father’s.  
  
Looking back on her college year and her intimacy with Chloe Beale, Beca started to realize she was more afraid of losing herself in the relationship than she was of losing Chloe. She was scared her rough edges would fade away, to her those were vital parts of her being. Beca didn’t know who she would be if not for the anger and general aversion to most things.  
  
Hence her personal struggles with movies and flowers. Beca assumed that they were just the beginning of the end for her. That pieces of herself would get chipped off, one at a time, until there would be nothing left. But while she was resisting that, Beca lost something much more powerful.  
  
It was true that Beca hadn’t ever for a second feared losing Chloe Beale. The woman who was always there, always chasing her whenever Beca ran, always finding her in whatever corner of the world Beca would be hiding at.  
  
But it felt like Beca had lost her -at least to a certain degree-, even though Chloe was right next to her on the couch; fast asleep as the credits of the third movie rolled by. Her head wasn’t on Beca’s lap or on her shoulder, but she was close. Close enough, Beca accepted.  
  
She stared at the sleeping beauty as she wondered how she could have ever taken such essential segments for granted; important organs that were no longer served and available to Beca, to care for or to break, to keep save or to shatter the foolishly offered muscular organ.  
  
And perhaps –Beca thought to herself as she carried Chloe off of the couch and into her own bed-, perhaps that was a good thing. Because even the most beautiful and precious bricks, would still only be bricks to a ruthless sledgehammer.

* * *

  
  
The thought of having taken Chloe Beale for granted stayed with Beca for the following days and nights. She considered herself lucky to have the woman in her life, but never assumed she would one day be without her unrestricted love.  
  
Chloe had been holding back in pursuing anything more than friendship and Beca understood the unspoken reasons for it, even if she wished she didn’t, -even if she wished to simply run to Chloe, kiss her and presume that would fix everything.  
  
They weren’t a couple of naive students anymore who could solve everything with their bodies. Some things could only be fixed with time and trust.  
  
Just like last year, Beca got to work on New Year’s Eve but –unsurprisingly- she had to be behind the bar instead of the controls where her heart was. She had tried to talk to Brandon about allowing her more time to do what she came here to do, whether that was during events or an extra night. While it wasn’t the best night of the year to come to him for that, Beca’s manager promised her he would sit her down for a conversation in the upcoming month.  
  
Morgan had earned the early evening shift and Beca watched him play from her side of the bar. Perhaps she was biased, but she considered him the best DJ of the club. He was charismatic, energetic, his tracks were always original and perfectly chosen to fit one another.  
  
However, Brandon had booked a few different DJs from out of state to play the rest of the evening until deep into the night. Beca had been angry and jealous, -not at Morgan, because he deserved to play- but at all the other deejays that night.  
  
Because it was Beca’s club and it was supposed to be _her_ night. She had spent months trying to prove herself; to the other artists, to Brandon. But it had gone unnoticed, it seemed.  
  
Despite the fact that there had finally been made arrangements for a conversation with her boss, Beca Mitchell couldn’t help but feel stuck in what was supposed to be a fairytale life. Her dreams weren’t just lying at her feet, they were all around her physically rather small structured body, but like her own personal Fata Morgana, Beca would reach out and grasp at nothing at all. Something mysterious seemed to be messing with her optical abilities, alternating her beautiful reality and clouding it with the darkness that had settled into her mind.  
  
Beca tried to squint her eyes and see past the sweet illusions and temptations of a forever better life, but all she was granted was the bar-sight of a nightclub full of people that weren’t dancing to her music.  
  
Still, the melody sounded on in her head; tunes that seduced her while Beca had already set foot into her land of dreams, singing to her about a much prettier promised land that she did not want to believe in.  
  
And so Beca Mitchell wandered on and waited for her vision to repair, for the beautiful song to stop singing, hoping that the lie that was glooming over her reality would leave and bring her peace.  
  
Beca continued her night mixing alcoholic drinks with fruit juice, tapping beer and serving wine to people who were obviously having more fun than her that night.  
  
“I’ll have a vodka Red Bull.”  
  
It was an order Beca hadn’t had yet that day. In fact, it was an order she normally wouldn’t get at all. It also happened to be her preferred choice of drink.  
  
But all of that didn’t matter, because –even with her back towards the source of the order- Beca knew the person behind the voice. She knew it upon the first spoken word and –if possible- perhaps even before that.  
  
As if the air changed whenever Chloe Beale was near her.  
  
Or perhaps -something far less catastrophic for the entire world population- a change was made within Beca herself that felt like a fatal misfortune on behalf of her heart.  
  
“Beale.” She stated as she poured her a white wine instead. “What are you doing here?”  
  
Chloe had told her earlier that day that she was going out with her friends, presumably to ring in the new year, but considering the beautiful creature had entered Beca’s club forty-five minutes before midnight on her own, Beca couldn’t help but ask the obvious question.  
  
The woman sipped on her wine as if she had all the time in the world. She placed her glass back on the table and simply stared at her, to a point where Beca thought words were forever lost on the woman.  
  
“You didn’t really think I was going to let you enter the new year by yourself?”  
  
Beca could tell the drink she served her wasn’t the first she’d had that night, yet her words were spoken comprehensibly and audibly and -above anything else- honestly.  
  
“You think I’m by myself?” Beca asked smug as she poured her best friend another drink and herself one as well while allowing her eyes to scan the large room filled with hundreds of people.  
  
Chloe –obviously aware of the meaning behind Beca’s words and her roaming eyes- wasn’t impressed as she shrugged without taking her eyes off of the woman behind the bar.  
  
“You do know I can’t just have drinks with you? I actually have to work.” Beca laughed lightheartedly as she quickly finished her poured drink. The liquor burned her insides like a raging fire, but it couldn’t compete with the warmth she felt when Chloe Beale smiled at her like she did that night.  
  
“I’m not stopping you, am I?” Chloe flirted easily and Beca felt her stomach turn instantly.  
  
She watched the woman for another few seconds, in case she were to give her a little more this time; a wink without brushing it off with a laugh, a suggestive lick of her lips, even just her body an inch closer to Beca’s.  
  
But Chloe stayed out of reach and Beca swallowed the nausea away originating from the twist of her stomach that the woman provoked inside of her and went back to work. Her eyes however couldn’t settle for the boring sight of labels attached to the countless of bottles behind the bar or the average-looking people coming up to order.  
  
Her eyes found their way back to Chloe every time.  
  
The woman was dancing unapologetically on her tall, padded stool near the bar, either sipping on her drink or singing along to the music and despite the hundreds of people in the club, to Beca, there was only Chloe.  
  
She didn’t care about the women and men at the bar who couldn’t seem to take their eyes off of her. Who seemed as hypnotized by her moves as she was. Who appeared just as in love with her as Beca Mitchell felt in that exact moment.  
  
And Beca wanted them to see, -wanted everyone to see. Even if Chloe wasn’t hers, even if she had never been hers, she wanted to pick Chloe up and put her on the biggest stage possible for the world to see. She could sing, or dance, or just do nothing at all, Beca didn’t think it mattered. Because Chloe Beale was a gift; a God sent package, perfectly wrapped with colorful ribbons and bows, and placed on earth to save the broken, the defeated and the damned.  
  
It would be selfish to keep such a present to herself. To never let anyone else allow a view of her talented friend. And Beca could only hope there would be parts reserved for her alone. The wings that made her angelic or perhaps the scars she hid underneath them.  
  
As the year came crashing towards its end, Beca and her coworkers struggled to provide everyone in the club coming up to the bar a drink to use in the traditional toast. There were empty champagne bottles lying on the ground and Beca fought her way through. Morgan had shut his performance down to allow the next and had come down to help the bartenders.  
  
They were a team, all of them, but Beca could work especially well with Morgan. She would be halfway through pouring a customer a drink when she’d catch eye of someone screaming their order at her favorite coworker.  
  
Instead of using her ears and trying to listen -when it was without a doubt useless in such a loud nightclub-, Beca read the person’s lips and tossed Morgan a bottle of whatever the customer ordered without him even asking.  
  
He would catch it, without a surprised glance or a hint of shock in his facial expressions. As if he hadn’t expected anything less. There was no gratitude either, just that wicked smile on his face as if that had been his masterplan all along.  
  
When the line to order finally started to slim down and people were making their way back onto the dancefloor, Morgan helped Beca to gather all the empty bottles and clean up after the spilled drinks.  
  
Morgan knew she couldn’t work in a messy environment and Beca knew the young man couldn’t stand the sound of bottles clashing against one another. It was his own, personal version of fingernails scratching on a chalkboard.  
  
They cleaned up, chatted, laughed and then served another wave of people in need of beverages. Beca was so preoccupied she missed the start of the two-minute countdown, in addition to other things.  
  
A young woman had found her way behind the counter and for some reason, Beca couldn’t help but shake the feeling that her _so-called friend_ Morgan had something to do with it. She knew Chloe Beale couldn’t crawl over a bar without at least alerting a few drunk people, or Beca’s eyes that had been wandering her way the entire evening.  
  
Somehow she had made it to the other side of the bar without notifying Beca of her devious plans. The woman was suddenly in her personal space, resembling an animal that just found her prey. And Beca felt very much like a prey, especially when Chloe Beale was so close and her pupils were darker than usual.  
  
“You can’t be back here.” Beca mumbled as if she even cared at all about social structures and implied rules that were never actually spoken out. Her voice trembled as her eyes appreciated her in fully for the first time that night. Chloe was dressed rather casual; blue, tight denim jeans and a black shirt with long sleeves. It didn’t show much skin, but it didn’t have to.  
  
The woman’s shoulders were bare and Beca could easily remember the sounds she used to make when she placed her mouth on her collarbones. Could easily remember what that did to the girl and what it –in return- did to her own body.  
  
“You’re not the only rebel here, Becs.” Chloe teased as she inched closer and fixed Beca’s presumable mess that was her hair.  
  
“You do know that I actually get paid to serve you, right? You don’t have to come back here for a drink.”  
  
Chloe laughed, wholeheartedly and more than would be necessary, but Beca couldn’t prevent her own mouth from curling. “It’s almost midnight.” She stated matter-of-factly, as if that were the answer to everything.  
  
“I know.” Beca replied as she checked the countdown-clock. There were only fifty seconds left on it, but Chloe Beale started a conversation as if time was simply a concept and nothing was real except the two of them in that very moment.  
  
“Do you remember last year?”  
  
There was a level of pain in the woman’s eyes that Beca hadn’t seen in a long time, perhaps not ever. It penetrated Beca’s chest like a sword through her ribcage and she struggled to find air, because she did remember. She remembered everything. She had blocked out a lot of that time, hid it somewhere deep inside of her with a firm lock on it, but all it took was Chloe’s broken voice, her averting eyes and suddenly cold fingers against her neck to break the cage open and have everything pouring back.  
  
“We went into this year together, Becs.” Chloe smiled reassuringly, as if she could see the shame and hurt into Beca’s eyes. “And.. So much has happened.” She continued as she tripped and choked to get those words out.  
  
_So much_ , Beca thought. Everything that they had been through was stuffed into two little words which for some reason didn’t feel like it did it justice. But Chloe was already suffering. Beca didn’t think the woman would survive if she had to list everything by event.  
  
“But we’re here now.” Chloe smiled with tears stinging her eyes, refusing to set them free.  
  
Beca wanted to scream, to release her anger on some random stranger’s face like she would in the past. To break her own hand on its nose or perhaps just break her own hand, because she was angry with herself. Angry for causing the woman she loved so much pain. Angry she carved scars into her that would likely leave, but never disappear.  
  
“And there’s no one I’d rather enter the new year with than you, so-“ Chloe scraped her throat and checked the clock, as if she couldn’t hear the crowd screaming down the seconds, as if she needed an obvious excuse to do what had been so clear to Beca the moment she found her behind that bar.  
  
Beca didn’t care. She couldn’t remember why she had to, because her mind was empty yet racing. Like a machine gaining blank orders, she was unable to move and simply awaited her faith, the inevitable.  
  
Chloe’s eyes eventually turned back to hers. Her loose grip on Beca’s neck tightened as her face inched closer. Beca closed her eyes and tried to mentally prepare for what was less than a second away from happening, but she couldn’t. Perhaps there weren’t enough seconds in her lifetime to prepare for the soft touch of Chloe Beale’s lips on hers.  
  
They tasted like white wine and cherry lip gloss and _Chloe_.    
  
Beca had dreamed and imagined what it would be like to kiss her again, but it turned out to be a thousand times better. This time, her mind didn’t leave the moment to think about Brandon, or the nightclub, or all of the aspects in life she was currently failing. None of that mattered. Beca would gladly be homeless and unemployed if it meant she could get to kiss those lips every night.  
  
It was just a peck. A set of lips pressed onto another. There was no lust, no desperation, no desire for more which made Beca realize it very well might mean this was the last kiss she would ever share with Chloe Beale.  
  
Upon that awareness, desperation showed in the way Beca dug her fingers into the other woman’s hips. Lust showed in the slight opening of Beca’s mouth; nothing more than the slow capture of Chloe’s bottom lip using her own, a little suction was enough to catch the woman off guard.  
  
Beca didn’t know if a minute or an hour had passed, but when they eventually parted, she couldn’t help but feel that either of those still wouldn’t be enough.  
  
Chloe appeared to be in the first stages of shock. Her body remained in its place and her face seemed to be frozen. Beca had to suppress a smile over the sight, in favor of the moment they just shared.  
  
“Happy New Year, Chlo.”  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And a Happy New Year to all of you! :D


	9. January: Part One

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi people! I know it hasn't been that long, but my life has taken some turns these last few weeks, so I had kind of put writing on hold. However -while I had accepted I presumably wouldn't be able to update for the next few months- this chapter came to me the other night, and I had to write it down and I'm quite satisfied with it.
> 
> I hope you'll like it as well and thanks to everyone sticking with me and continuing reading. If I don't update for a little while, please know I am not abandoning this story! Who knows, maybe I'll be back sooner than expected! In the meantime, let me know what you think of this story so far!

Chloe’s alcohol-inflicted idea to share a friendly kiss between two former lovers backfired when Beca got out harmless and Chloe’s own feelings were imploding on her, taking her body and sane mind with them as collateral damage.  
  
Her mind faltered every time Chloe tried to make sense of it all. She went over every part of their relationship from the moment they met in that tiny dorm room in college until that faithful kiss on New Year’s Eve, but she couldn’t understand why she was feeling again the way she did.  
  
Perhaps she never stopped feeling that way, but her guard had been knocked down. She didn’t have anything to defend herself with to prevent the constant flow of mixed emotions and a sea of feelings she couldn’t make sense of.  
  
It had been days since that kiss and Chloe hadn’t spoken more than three words to her roommate. It wasn’t uncommon; they both had very different lives and places that required their presence, except it was the first week of January. Chloe didn’t have any classes and the theatre was still closed due to the winter break.  
  
Chloe would never admit to it out loud, but she had been avoiding Beca Mitchell.  
  
She wasn’t sure why she did. It was not like Beca was the kind of person to talk about anything, really, let alone things that involved feelings. Yet Chloe made sure she was up before the other party in her house was, which wasn’t all that hard, since Beca usually slept through the entire morning hours.  
  
Chloe would go out; grab a coffee with a friend, go to the gym, get groceries even though their cabinets were filled to the max. She would do anything to escape the apartment she shared with a certain brunette.  
  
Beca noticed something was up, Chloe was sure of it. She looked at her in a certain way, as if she was worried about her, but too afraid to ask. And Chloe tried to smile a little more honest to take away those doubts, but she wasn’t sure they did the trick.  
  
“You sure you’re okay?” Beca tried to act casual one day, but Chloe could see the concern in her eyes.  
  
“Totes!” Chloe lied as she located her shoes on the other side of the room and tried to get to them as quickly as possible in order to leave the apartment.  
  
“Hey, if you want, we can have dinner tomorrow.” Beca had proposed gently. “We can go out, or I can prepare dinner for you, for a change.” The woman had chuckled. “I can’t promise it will be edible, though.”  
  
Chloe’s heart had warmed at the offering. The idea of spending a night alone with Beca Mitchell was more than tempting. She could almost picture her friend in the kitchen, trying to prepare a meal, cussing over burnt food and eventually ordering in.  
  
Chloe couldn’t picture a more perfect night if she tried.  
  
Yet the fear was overwhelming. She didn’t know if Beca were to mention the kiss, or if Chloe accidently would let it slip. If she were to say something completely inappropriate, like how she couldn’t stop thinking about every other kiss they had ever shared. How Chloe’s mind had been playing tricks on her; how she was sometimes so sure they would never get back together again, and other times she would catch herself daydreaming about a traditional Beale-Mitchell wedding.  
  
“I can’t.” She had said in response while she could feel it break her heart. Beca, on the other hand, appeared to be at peace with the answer. She didn’t seem hurt or offended. Perhaps there was just a hint of sadness in her eyes, though.  
  
Chloe had a lie ready on the tip of her tongue, some made-up story about how she already had plans, but with Beca’s eyes on her, Chloe simply couldn’t get those fabrications out of her mouth.  
  
“I’m sorry.” It was all she said before she practically ran out of the apartment.  
  
Chloe felt bad about the way she was behaving, but she was also drowning in sixty other different feelings she couldn’t control or identify. Until then, she was going to have to pretend everything was simply fine and there wasn’t a dark cloud in Chloe’s bright sky.  
  
One night, when Beca was at work and Chloe didn’t have any friends around to keep her occupied, when she was alone for the first time since New Year’s Eve, every single emotion and thought came pouring out of her and overwhelmed her in a way she could have never imagined. She was left paralyzed on her living room couch with tears stinging her eyes over issues she should have dealt with a long time ago.  
  
It presumably all started when Chloe got into her first _serious_ relationship. Her mother used to tell her about the connections she made in pre-school. How she would come home and claim she had a boyfriend or girlfriend, but those were innocent. To Chloe, everything until high school was innocent. She’d share a kiss here and there, but Teddy was her first real partner.  
  
The boy she dated through almost the entirety of her high school time had perhaps left bigger scars on her than Chloe initially thought. Even looking back on what they had and the single evening they spent in Kansas last year twisted Chloe’s stomach and she felt like she might very well start throwing up.  
  
He had lied and betrayed her for such a long period of time. He was the first person Chloe put her trust and love in, and the man crushed it like it was nothing. She was just a clueless teen when all of that was happening and even if she must have known somewhere deep down, she didn’t have the tools to emotionally deal with it at sixteen years old.  
  
It wasn’t until the truth was put out in the open last year she ran into him in her old neighborhood that Chloe was forced to accept what had happened and how it had affected her in the years after, unknowingly.  
  
Ted had made her feel like she wasn’t worth loyalty, trust and honesty to a point that it had settled into her bones and deep into her heart and Chloe believed it. It resulted into another troubled relationship. Tom had his flaws, but contrary to Ted, Chloe felt his love for her. Even looking back now, she knew he mostly had good intentions.  
  
Chloe was already scarred by the time he got around. She told herself –and the man she was dating- that they should keep things casual, but what Chloe never could admit was that those words were rooted out of fear.  
  
Fear of letting someone in again. Loving someone whole-heartedly and giving them her trust and heart only to get hurt again.  
  
Perhaps Tom never had a real chance. Chloe had written him off as another Ted from the very start, expected him to follow his steps and do to her what the previous man had done to her. Perhaps Chloe had encouraged the behavior. Had wanted it to happen, because it was what she deserved. What she was taught she deserved.  
  
When history did repeat itself, Chloe wasn’t surprised, but the pain was somehow worse than the first time. Every time she was forced to watch the man she was dating get up and leave their booth to dance with another girl, every time his eyes would leave her during a private dinner for any girl that would make eye contact with him, a part of Chloe broke.  
  
Chloe hurt until it didn’t hurt anymore. Until all of that pain and heartbreak had become the standard. Until she couldn’t see how it was supposed to be, how it should have been.  
  
When that relationship came to a fateful ending, the pain over the circumstances as to how it went down was obviously very real, but there was also a sense of acceptance and understanding present. It was nothing that Chloe wasn’t used to or expecting all along.  
  
Then Beca Mitchell came along and she contradicted everything Chloe was taught, which is why it was hard to watch her go. She was improving as a person within the relationship she had with the woman and even though it hadn’t settled in her mind yet, Chloe was starting to believe she was deserving of a love like that. A connection that would be built on trust and loyalty. One where she wouldn’t have to worry or expect a certain behavior to break her heart all over again.  
  
When Beca left for Los Angeles –for completely valid reasons and with all of Chloe’s support-, she couldn’t stop the demons from crawling back inside her mind. The voices of past lovers whispering and feeding into her insecurities.  
  
By the time she found Beca Mitchell again, those dark thoughts had reclaimed their place inside Chloe’s mind, nested a nice and comfortable home there and weren’t planning on vacating it any time soon.  
  
It didn’t matter what Beca did, because the voices were louder than Beca’s actions. They were louder than anything, even Chloe’s own feelings.  
  
But upon this realization, as Chloe looked back and was able to identify her own flaws, mistakes and insecurities -as well as the fault others played in the matter- it set part of her free. It would take time –weeks, months, perhaps even years- for all of the damage to leave her body, but for now, the voices had stopped screaming and Chloe –for the first time in months- could listen to her heart again.  
  
It was quite obvious. It had been there all along. Chloe couldn’t understand why she hadn’t seen this before.  
  
Beca Mitchell had given her no reason at all not to trust her. She had been there for her, every day since she found out Chloe was living in the same city as her again. She had been supportive of her dreams and her decision to pursue art, despite it being a less than traditional way to earn money after graduating college.  
  
Beca had done a lot for her. She had purchased her an adjustable drawing table to get Chloe to stop spending her evenings on the floor and messing up her spine. It wasn’t given out of some selfish reason; a point to her name on the scoreboard, or a favor she could ask in return for it. She had come to the theater play Chloe helped set up and directed, because she knew it was important to her. Beca had even brought her flowers, which was very unusual for the woman.  
  
Despite the issues the woman had with verbally expressing her love and care, Chloe could see now that Beca Mitchell easily did it through actions. It showed in everything she did; Chloe just had to pay attention.  
  
Something that was pushing their friendly relationship and Beca’s boundaries was Chloe’s proposal to move in with her. Yet Beca barely gave it a second thought, even though Chloe had promised her nothing in return.  
  
They had agreed to take things slow, but Chloe was holding back out of fear and Beca never once pushed her into giving more. She wasn’t the one flirting or initiating a kiss; that was all Chloe. Because she wanted more, but she was too afraid of what would happen if they started dating again. That rooted out of Chloe’s own insecurities and doubts, and it in fact had nothing to do with Beca at all.  
  
Chloe learned a lot that evening and even though it was a huge relief, Chloe couldn’t help but cry. Over Teddy. Over Tom. Over Beca. And perhaps most importantly, she cried over losing herself.  
  
When she ran out of tears to cry, Chloe regained her strength and determination to find her way back again. It would be a long road, but she was excited to become the woman she could have been all along. She would still be the cheerful and happy girl everyone had come to know, but she would also be fierce and strong. Never again would she let someone use her, take advantage of her or allow them to break her heart over and over.  
  
Even though Chloe couldn’t picture Beca hurting her, she knew now that even if she did, even if Beca were to leave her again, Chloe was going to have to learn to survive that without letting the darkness back in.  
  
Chloe was going to learn how to be independently strong.  
  
She went to the bathroom to freshen up and she checked the clock when she returned into the living room. It was just past midnight, which meant Beca could come home any second now. Chloe’s face was washed, her head was cleared and her mind was made up.  
  
She was finally going to talk to Beca.  
  
The conversation was long overdue, but Chloe needed this minor breakdown to come to more than one important revelation. She wasn’t going to inform Beca of all of them, just the one that was key to reestablish their romantic relationship.  
  
She was going to tell her she was still in love with her. That she always had been. That she was sorry it took her so long. That nothing could ever get in between them ever again. That she wanted nothing more than to have another chance.  
  
Chloe contemplated changing clothes, but she figured it wouldn’t matter if she poured her heart out to the woman she loved in her pajamas or the prettiest dress she owned. Neither would have any effect on Beca’s response and Chloe loved her perhaps even more because of that.  
  
She went into the kitchen instead, found the nearest bottle of wine and popped it open. She didn’t know what the occasion would be. Chloe hoped it could be used for a celebratory toast later that night, but if things wouldn’t go as planned, at least she would be prepared to drink away her sadness.  
  
Chloe’s stomach was turning as seconds seemed to pass by slower than usual. She was feeling sick, but nothing was going to change her mind, not even a trip to the bathroom. Chloe was going to do this, no matter what it could do to their strong friendship and the shared rental of Los Angeles property.  
  
However, she decided to stay focused on the incidents of the last couple of months that would reassure her that Beca felt the same way. She tried to remember the nights Beca had stayed up with her and simply listened to her rants about art projects, annoying students who were more creative than her and the constant feeling of failing in life.  
  
Beca would somehow always put her at ease. She didn’t know exactly how she did it, but she admired her for it. For a woman that claimed she had trouble expressing herself through words, Beca Mitchell managed just fine in times of distress. When Chloe truly needed them, Beca provided her with the right and soothing words.  
  
Chloe wanted Beca back completely, one-hundred percent, in every way. She could probably get away with flirting with the girl forever and stealing the occasional kiss here and there. Beca wouldn’t turn it into an issue and Chloe could have her that way without having to face her insecurities and built-in personality flaws.  
  
But it wasn’t enough anymore.  
  
Chloe wanted all of the woman. It would take effort, both within the relationship as well as the personal growth she would have to achieve in order to create something healthy, something similar to what they had for a while, but Chloe would do anything.  
  
She had never been so sure of something in her entire life.  
  
At the exact time of that realization, Chloe heard a door slam shut multiple floors down. The footsteps that followed weren’t perceptible to Chloe, yet she could feel it was Beca approaching her. Even though it didn’t make any sense, Chloe knew Beca was home seconds before she stepped through the door opening.  
  
Chloe was nervous. Excited, but scared nonetheless. It was the kind of fear you only get when you’re about to confess your love to an ex-girlfriend.  
  
Chloe wanted to greet her roommate, but her breath got caught in her throat and perhaps if Chloe’s eyes weren’t blurred out of nervousness, she could have spotted something was wrong on instant. This time, though, it took Beca’s words to make that clear to her.  
  
“I did it.” Beca seemed to breathe out heavy, yet in relief. “I finally did it. I quit my job.”  



	10. January: Part Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's been a while, people! Thanks for everyone sticking around and continuing reading and supporting this lil' story! I appreciate it so much!

Beca walked up the stairs to the apartment in a rapid pace, as if she was being chased and she couldn’t rest until she was safe. Her heart was beating fast, both due to the sudden cardio and the adrenaline rush she had felt ever since she walked out of the nightclub earlier that night.  
  
She crashed into the apartment a few moments later and Beca wasn’t sure if the four walls and the closing door told her she was home or if it was the sight of Chloe Beale sitting in the middle of the living room.  
  
“I did it.” Beca spit out, as if she had no other choice. As if she had been holding her breath the entire way over until she found Chloe and she redeemed her from the chains and tension. “I finally did it. I quit my job.”  
  
Now that Beca could hear her words echo through the room, it suddenly became reality and she started to panic. The pressure on her chest returned again as if she was still running up the stairs while her eyes had a hard time focusing through the dizziness she felt.  
  
Beca tried to collect herself best she could. She wasn’t planning on fainting, but she wasn’t sure if her body agreed with that. As her ears started to malfunction and she could feel her body weakening, Beca tried to find something to focus on.  
  
Beca couldn’t quite detect Chloe Beale.  
  
All she managed to find was silence and it didn’t help Beca’s mental state. She needed Chloe to yell at her to go back to the club and beg her boss for her job, because she wasn’t going to make that decision herself.  
  
Beca hadn’t meant for the night to go the way it did. It was supposed to be just another Saturday, but Brandon came up to the bar near the end of the night and asked her to come with him. Beca had assumed they would finally have the conversation he had promised her weeks ago, but unfortunately that wasn’t the case.  
  
As they took a seat into the man’s office, it became clear he had other intentions.  
  
“Beca, as you know we’ve been implementing some changes lately.”  
  
She had no reason to know about any made changes since no one of the higher staff told the employees anything, but the man spoke as if she should have known. He continued on about business plans regarding financial resources and other issues that Beca didn’t care about. She understood the club was a business, a balance consisting out of investments and profits where one would preferably outweigh the other.  
  
But it wasn’t Beca’s job to think about that. She was there to make music, to create an environment where people could have fun and hopefully return to. At least, that was her job one day out of the week. The rest, her only task was to serve alcohol to half-drunken people who were often times rude and intrusive.  
  
Beca had grown used to that, which was perhaps the real problem.  
  
“For that reason-“ The man continued even though Beca hadn’t listened to half of it. “-the schedule will change as of immediately.”  
  
Beca’s hands accepted the reached-out piece of paper handed to her by her boss as he continued to talk, but Beca shut everything out as she stared at the timetable.  
  
“Now, I know it’s a lot, but I have faith that this will get our club back on the map and we’ll reach many new customers. The past year wasn’t-“  
  
“I’m not on here.” Beca interrupted. Her words weren’t as much meant for the man in front of her as they were meant for her own ears, since she didn’t trust her eyes.  
  
“Beca, this is just temporarily. When the time is right-“  
  
“I don’t understand.” She had scoffed, as if to let her manager know she caught onto the joke, but he didn’t follow her laughing lead. “You’re taking away my only night. The Tuesday night, for God’s sake.” Beca spoke through gritted teeth. She wasn’t angry at the man –at least not in particular. She should have seen this coming a long time ago.  
  
The voice of the club’s manager became incoherent to Beca Mitchell. Words flew by her as she remembered every empty promise that was ever made to her. So much of her time and energy had been invested in those _some days_ and _when the time is right_ , it had drained the life out of Beca.  
  
“So where does that leave me?” Beca spoke with a noticeable sense of anger present in her voice she knew the man would be able to identify. “Behind the bar?”  
  
“For now.” Brandon spoke unbothered by Beca’s rage.  
  
“I can’t.” She spit back on instant. She jumped out of the chair and forced herself to take a step towards the door and then another, and another. Until she was out of the tiny office, out of the club.  
  
“Please sit down so we can talk about this, Beca.” The man spoke professionally as if she was a number on the list he was forced to break the news to.  
  
Perhaps she was.  
  
“I didn’t come all the way here to stand behind a bar.” She stated as the anger washed off and all that was left was an overwhelming sense of disappointment. “I hope you can respect that.”  
  
The adult nodded her way and it was Beca’s cue to freedom. She walked out of the room, skipped down the stairs, ran towards the exit and then sprinted home. She was haunted by a big bad wolf, one that could devour her and dispose her lifeless body somewhere in the gutter, somewhere in the pitch-dark night where no one could see her ripped skin and bloodstains covering her being.  
  
Here, in the inside of her apartment with Chloe Beale in the same room, the big bad wolf had shapeshifted into a parasite, quietly feasting from Beca’s soul and eating her up from the inside out. It was feeding off of her doubts and the fear that she had just made the biggest mistake of her life.  
  
As that thought once again crossed her mind, Beca dropped on the couch and slumped against the cushions. She hadn’t realized how much her feet and legs ached until the pressure of her body was released on them.  
  
Chloe was suddenly and quickly seated beside her. One arm must have caught her on the way down, because it was wrapped around Beca’s neck and eventually pulled her away from the pillows and into the woman’s arms.  
  
“I think you did the right thing.” Chloe whispered.  
  
It wasn’t what Beca wanted to hear.  
  
She wanted Chloe to kick her off the couch, push her out the door, and drag her back to the club by her short hair if she had to.  
  
“What are you talking about!” Beca wanted to come across as angry, but instead it sounded like a cry for help. “I quit my job. Oh my God, I quit my job.”  
  
Chloe was forced to release her grip on her as Beca rested her suddenly heavy head into her hands, yet the contact remained as peaceful circles were stroked on her back. It prevented Beca from going into an uncontrollably hyperventilating session.  
  
Realization had finally set in and it deprived her body of the feeling of responsiveness. She was numb, lost and -perhaps for the first time ever- without a plan.  
  
“What do I do?” She whispered in hopes her roommate would hear the plea and provide her with a lifeline.  
  
“I don’t know.” Chloe smiled ever so sweet. “You weren’t happy there, Becs. With every day that passed, I could see it chipping away at your soul.”  
  
Beca forced herself to look at the woman who was currently choking on her words. Her eyes were fixated at the table in front of them, but it was nothing more than an empty glare. The woman seemed lost herself, just as Beca had felt.  
  
Perhaps if they were lost together, it wouldn’t matter if they had no directions for the future. Perhaps nothing would matter, as long as Chloe Beale would be sitting right beside her, in an apartment in LA or on the streets of Louisiana.  
  
“You were always on edge. Frustrated and annoyed.” Chloe spoke as she blinked her eyes back to life and met Beca’s. Suddenly, the pain in them had disappeared and had been exchanged for her usual bright sparkle. “I know you think those are character traits, but they’re not.” She giggled as her elbow poked Beca’s ribs.  
  
Beca had no choice but to smile. Chloe still knew her better than she perhaps knew herself, and that didn’t scare Beca anymore.  
  
The woman’s voice returned again, this time more serious and desperate. As if there was no other time that she could tell her these things.  
  
“I know it wasn’t easy for you to leave everything behind. Maybe every other occasion before that one was, but I know you sacrificed a lot to get here. I know it wasn’t easy, but you had good reasons to.” Chloe’s lips curled as if the remembrance didn’t hurt anymore. The only thing Beca could detect in her facial features was pride and love. “You were coming here to live your dream; to be the happiest you deserved to be. But I haven’t seen you happy in a long time, Becs.”  
  
Beca swallowed at that realization. It was true, she knew it had been the truth, but for too long, Beca was too scared to admit that.  
  
“But that’s okay!” Chloe spoke as if Beca needed those comforting words. “If that place doesn’t appreciate you and see what a star you are, we’ll find you one that does. Another club, or a record store, or a radio station. Whatever makes you happy, Beca.”  
  
Beca’s mind might have been a mess, but her heart was full and determined. Every word that Chloe told her went straight through her chest and laid there heavily, one on top of the other, on top of the other, until she felt like she was going to explode.  
  
Beca wasn’t sure of anything at that moment, but she knew -as certainly as she was that she would one day die- she knew that she was madly and for all of time in love with Chloe Beale.  
  
“Why aren’t you freaking out over our bills or something?” Beca asked shyly with a suppressed smile on her face, worried that if she allowed it to show, it would portray her deep affection for the woman.  
  
“Oh, I totes am.” Chloe nodded excessively but she broke out into laughter and even though Beca believed that deep down, she did have those fears and worries, right now there was nothing they could do about it but laugh.  
  
Beca had enough in her savings to cover her monthly share at least a few times, but she –too- feared the unpredictable future and she understood that Chloe must have felt terrified at least a few dozen times during their conversation.  
  
“We’ll be okay.” Beca whispered as her hand found Chloe’s while slowly their laughter died out.  
  
“You should get some sleep.” Chloe whispered as she lifted herself from the couch and kissed the top of Beca’s head before making her way over towards her bedroom.  
  
Beca didn’t want her to leave, didn’t want the conversation to be over. It was as though there weren’t enough hours in the day anymore. Twenty-four hours, seven days a week for the rest of her life if she had her way, but it wasn’t enough. Beca wanted more of Chloe.  
  
“Did you just open a bottle of wine and leave it untouched?” Beca noticed. It was her best attempt at just another laugh or few words of the woman before she would leave her for the night.  
  
Chloe turned on her feet at the made comment. Beca thought she saw a kind of disappointment glistering in her eyes, but when she blinked, it was gone and left Beca to ever doubt its existence.  
  
 “I thought it was a good time for it.” She said while her lips curled into a sweet smile. “I guess it’s going to have to wait.”  
  
Beca was too tired to analyze the words.  
  
It was the first time since their kiss on New Year’s Eve that they had a normal conversation again. Beca had felt bad about turning Chloe’s peck of the lips so sensual, because Chloe had acted weird ever since. She probably didn’t know how to tell her it wasn’t what she wanted, and took every opportunity to be anywhere than near Beca or their shared apartment.  
  
It hurt Beca, but she tried not to think of it too much. The guilt of making Chloe Beale so uncomfortable to a point where she had to flee her own apartment was overwhelming any other emotion.  
  
Beca had tried to reach her, tried to get her to talk to her, but the woman wouldn’t give her anything to work with and Beca didn’t know what tricks to pull. She had never been in the position where she had to figure out how to get Chloe to talk to her. Usually, the woman did that all on her own. Every day, all day, if she could.  
  
Beca hadn’t given up, though. She wouldn’t invade Chloe’s space or force her to talk about anything she obviously didn’t want to discuss, but she would be around in case she changed her mind.  
  
Beca vowed to always be around.

* * *

  
  
The following days were hard on Beca. Especially with Chloe out of the house during the day, Beca had no idea what to do with herself. She wasn’t in the right mindset to create new songs or even bother to pick up her laptop. Her crappy sleeping schedule remained intact as Beca would sleep through the morning due to staying awake for way too long.  
  
The sudden unemployment had hit Beca Mitchell hard. It wasn’t just the feeling of boredom that all those free hours in the day brought her, even though they seemed to be the worst thing about the situation. It was also the embarrassment that came with losing a job. Beca was in pain over the shame she felt over the current state of her life.  
  
She had up and left quite frankly everything she had for this job. She had made it to Los Angeles. She had gotten her lifelong dream. She had succeeded.  
  
But now that the job was gone, it felt like the dream had gone as well. The success had evaporated into thick air alongside the hard work Beca had put into making it this far. It was as if none of it mattered anymore, at least not to her.  
  
While Beca was stuck sulking in self-pity and internalized pain, her roommate and best friend Chloe Beale tried to drag her out of the slump. Beca would receive text messages from the girl that contained links to job offers for clubs nearby, phone numbers from their managers or simply a picture of what the perfect résumé looked like.  
  
Chloe tried her hardest, Beca was aware of it, but she was simply not ready yet to put herself out there again. Beca’s departure from the club –which was her own call but perhaps the maximum amount of control she had in a decision that was, in a way, already made for her- had become an open wound.  Just like any other ripped-open skin, its stinging pain and dripping blood was unfortunately all Beca seemed to be able to focus on.  
  
After a week or two, Beca noticed the lack of effort coming from Chloe’s angle. Instead, there was now a glister of pity in her eyes every time Beca caught her staring from across the room. It was as though she was out of moves, as if she had ran out of hidden tricks up her sleeves.  
  
Beca didn’t expect Chloe Beale to fix everything for her, not in the slightest. Beca knew she was going to have to deal with this one on her own. There was nothing her friend could do or say to her that would speed up her personal healing process. But it hurt Beca to see the way Chloe would now look at her. She was another person that had grown disappointed in her, Beca simply assumed.  
  
Beca felt lost and the feeling had transcended onto her best friend. Chloe, too, seemed lost for ways to reach for her, and she was simply waiting for her to give up on her as well.  
  
Beca wouldn’t blame her. She had been acting like an asshole, lately. She had been snappish to her friends, overly sarcastic when Chloe would try to have a serious conversation with her, sometimes she would just be plain mean and rude, unnecessarily.  
  
Morgan would come over a few times a week, either to hang out at the apartment or to drag her outside with him, if only to get her out of the house that day. He was being a really good friend and Beca’s mood didn’t affect him much, but he wasn’t the one who was around her every, single day. Who would come home to her lying on the couch in the same position she had left her on. Who would have to do chores after spending her days at school or work since Beca would leave the dishes unwashed and the house a mess, despite the fact that she had all eight hours to do them.  
  
Beca’s ugly depressive episode had been harder on Chloe than on anyone else.  
  
She was always there, silently cleaning up the mess without judgement or anger, which Beca wasn’t sure she deserved. Part of her wanted Chloe to yell at her, to get mad at her, to give up on her.  
  
Beca couldn’t understand why she didn’t.

* * *

  
  
One morning -or more like afternoon- when Beca finally made it out of her room after a night’s rest, she found Chloe Beale in the kitchen with her favorite Spotify list playing on the wireless Bluetooth speaker. She was dancing around with pots and pans, stirring one thing while tasting another.  
  
For a second there, Beca Mitchell forgot all about the aching pathless life she had been experiencing lately and there was only Chloe.  
  
Chloe, the girl who would always find a reason to sing and dance. The woman who made being happy look so easy. Beca smiled at her unknowingly, perhaps for the first time in weeks, observing the girl in the kitchen ever so closely.  
  
Part of her fell in love with Chloe all over again in that short-lived moment, something Beca didn’t believe to be possible.  
  
“Don’t you have school today?” Beca mumbled eventually as she set foot into the kitchen to check out the makings.  
  
“It’s Saturday, Becs.” Chloe hummed as she punched her shoulder lightly, mockingly.  
  
“Right.” Beca remembered. “What’s the occasion?” She asked as she stole a homemade cookie fresh out of the oven before making her way over to the couch.  
  
“There’s someone coming over.” Chloe stated plain.  
  
Beca hadn’t seen any of Chloe’s friends in a while. She hadn’t had people over in a long time and Beca didn’t have to ask the reason for it. She guessed the apartment wasn’t the best place to hang out with friends when you’ve got a roommate lying on the couch in pajamas, smelling like she hadn’t showered in days in a house that looked like it just got robbed.  
  
“Cool.” Beca replied unbothered as she turned on the TV and switched through channels, planning on heading for her own room as soon as the bell would ring. She wouldn’t want to embarrass Chloe in the presence of her friend with her attendance.  
  
Approximately an hour and a half later, Chloe’s chatter about the latest fashion trends got put to an end by the ringing of the bell. The sound echoed through the living room and Chloe buzzed the person in without her usual exciting greeting through the intercom.  
  
Beca didn’t think much of it as she pulled herself off of the couch, re-wrapped herself into the blanket and started making her way out of the room.  
  
“Where do you think you’re going?” Chloe Beale said rather smug and Beca knew right away that the woman was up to something.  
  
“My room.” Beca said nonchalant as she tried to dodge Chloe’s reached out arms but they were suddenly around her body and dragging her towards the front door. “Beale, I really don’t want to see your friends right now. I’m tired and-“  
  
Beca’s complaints were cut off as Chloe opened the door and the man on the other side of it stepped inside the apartment.  
  
His scruffy beard seemed to have been replaced for a perfectly shaven medium to long stubble beard. It had slimmed his face and made him look more mature than Beca knew he was. His AC/DC shirt visible underneath his jacket reminded her of simpler days.  
  
Beca hadn’t seen the man in almost a year. They had stayed in contact, but a few texts every so often hadn’t been the same as his face suddenly in front of Beca’s. His eyes were proud and happy, as they had been so often when he’d look at her.  
  
Beca was abruptly hit with a wave of emotions. Seeing the man’s face, the pride in them that she was certain she didn’t deserve at the moment, the memories from a previous life. It was the combination of all of those that caused Beca to feel like she was going to burst out in tears.  
  
She felt weak, suddenly. She wanted to jump into the arms of the man that had been a father figure to her for so long. Perhaps he still was. Perhaps he always would be. Beca wanted to break down in his presence. She wanted to cry and let everything out, because he was here and Beca knew that if anyone could get her back on her feet, it was going to be him.  
  
Kevin kissed Chloe’s cheek before moving to stand in front of Beca with his arms spread wide.  
  
“Come here, superstar!”


	11. February: Part One

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My God, guys. It's been a minute. I can't express how much the comments and messages have meant to me, but I appreciate it so much! I am going to keep writing and I hope y'all will stay with me for this lil' story! Hope you guys enjoy!

After Chloe had finally made her peace with the feelings she’d had for Beca that were presumably always there and would perhaps always be there in some shape or form, she had assumed that was going to be it. She could express them, find out if Beca Mitchell felt the same way about her still and whether or not they were going to give it another shot.  
  
Beca losing her job had been an unexpected and tough pill to swallow, mostly for the girl in question, but Chloe ached as well.  
  
It was hard for Chloe to see her friend dejected and lost, but it was perhaps even harder to keep her mouth shut about her recent realization.  
  
Chloe tried her best to be there for the woman who had just been without a job. She would try to steer her out of the depression, making jokes and finding excuses to get Beca out the door while making sure the woman was always well fed and hydrated.  
  
Needless to say, Chloe cared about Beca and she wanted her to get back on her feet. She didn’t love her any less just because she was constantly on edge, took less showers than any human ever should and snapped at Chloe like they were strangers in college once again where Chloe would try to get to know her and Beca wouldn’t allow it.  
  
Except Chloe did know her, now. She knew her perhaps better than she knew herself. Chloe also knew that Beca would overcome this phase in her life. She would find another job, find something that made her happy again and she would look back on the loss of this job as a positive change.  
  
Chloe had told her that as soon as she came home on that faithful night and she still believed it. Beca Mitchell was never going to leave that place on her own. She needed a push, -a shove, even- to get her out of the club. Chloe figured it was for the better, since her friend had never been happy there.  
  
Despite the fact that Chloe had faith Beca would come out on top and this situation would benefit her in the end, she did start to worry when Beca would talk bad about her chosen career field. Never had Chloe heard her friend express her doubts about the profession she had worked so hard for and the path she had always dreamed of.  
  
It was perhaps the only thing stopping Chloe from confessing her love for the woman.  
  
It had popped into the woman’s head every now and then, when she’d watch Beca lie on the couch in the same clothes she’d been wearing for the last three days with a saddened look in her eyes and the constant locked jaw that had Chloe wondering how that didn’t hurt the girl. She would have a selfish thought that her body could somehow fix every problem the young woman had, that her lips could suck the sadness right out of her, that her touch and love would somehow be enough.  
  
But Chloe could always rid herself from those egotistical and self-interested ideas.  
  
What she did struggle with was preventing herself from telling the girl how she truly felt. How she loved her as much now as she did a year ago, before she left for Los Angeles, perhaps even more now.  
  
But Beca was somehow doubting everything in her life. Chloe wondered if she could be sure of anything if she was uncertain of her future in the music industry, in whichever way she preferred that. It was the only thing in Beca Mitchell’s future that was unquestionable.  
  
Chloe Beale included.  
  
If Beca could have doubts about her line of work, then how could Chloe believe she would be certain of her.  
  
Chloe went on with her days as if her heart wasn’t burning her other organs from the inside out with the flames caused by her best friend. As if it didn’t break every time she came home to find Beca Mitchell still under multiple blankets on the couch. And as if it didn’t mend right back together when she’d catch her trying to work up a smile for her.  
  
Chloe knew these things would take time. Beca wasn’t going to be feeling better and working a new job in the blink of an eye. But after almost three weeks of seeing her friend down like that, Chloe Beale had decided she’d had enough. She simply couldn’t take it anymore. It wasn’t looking like the woman was trying to get herself out of the slump and Chloe knew she needed help if she was going to do this.  
  
“Hey, is this Kevin?”  
  
“Chloe Beale.” The man on the other side of the line stated without a doubt or hint of surprise present in his voice. “To what do I owe this immense pleasure?”  
  
Chloe giggled before she cut right to the chase. There was no time to waste and she needed the man to understand that. She explained to him what she had picked up on from the moment she had made it to California. How Beca’s job in the nightclub wasn’t making the woman happy. How they didn’t -or didn’t want to- see her talent. How Beca eventually settled for feeling miserable and grew accustomed to it.  
  
Kevin listened, asked questions and hummed when necessary. It had always been clear to Chloe the man cared about Beca as if she were his own. She had always known, had seen the pride in his eyes on New Year’s Eve when Beca still played in his club, had seen his pain when Beca was leaving the state. She knew that if anyone knew what to do and how to get Beca back on her feet, it was going to be him.  
  
“You did good by calling me.” The young man sighed as Chloe’s story came to an end. “I talked to Beca a few months ago, but I had no idea all of this was going on.”  
  
“I’m sure she just didn’t want you to worry.” Chloe reasoned. She had already exposed her friend’s personal life to her former manager. The last thing she wanted was for the man to think Beca kept him at a distance.  
  
“I have some contacts in Los Angeles, let me try to get in touch with them and see what I can do.” The man spoke serious.  
  
“I appreciate that, Kevin.” She told the man in all honesty. “But I think Beca will feel better just by seeing you again. If I buy you a plane ticket, do you think you could come over?”  
  
The Louisiana club manager sniffed in a mocking matter before speaking again. “Chloe, that’s very nice of you, but I’m a grown man. I can pay for my own flight to come see my superstar.”  
  
She felt a certain sense of relief, knowing she didn’t have to worry about money more than she already had these last few weeks. With Beca’s steady income gone, Chloe felt a lot of pressure to keep an eye on their finances to make sure they could stay in the apartment and Los Angeles in general.  
  
So far they were doing fine, but Chloe knew she wouldn’t be able to sleep well until Beca landed herself a new job.  
  
With Kevin flying in sooner than expected, Chloe just had to keep this secret for the upcoming two days. It wasn’t hard when Beca’s full focus was on herself. Self-pity had never looked good on anyone, but something inside Chloe still fluttered every time her eyes made contact with the young woman.  
  
The day of Kevin’s arrival couldn’t have gone better if Chloe had planned the whole thing out. The look on Beca’s face as her eyes met her former boss’ was priceless. Even though there were no tears, Chloe could see the emotions pouring out of her. It displayed differently with Beca Mitchell. She turned a little shy, avoided eye-contact and hit the man’s shoulder as a matter of affection, right before he ignored all of that and hugged her tight to his chest.  
  
“What the fuck are you doing here?” Beca spoke in awe as she released herself out of the man’s muscled arms.  
  
“I got a call from a friend, telling me my superstar wasn’t doing _super_ these days.”  
  
Chloe blushed slightly as Beca turned to her, but she didn’t seem angry or annoyed. She seemed grateful.  
  
“I’m going to let you guys catch up.” Chloe smiled tight-lipped as she bumped shoulders with Beca and headed for the kitchen to continue her work there.  
  
“Actually, we don’t really have time to catch up.” The man spoke and Chloe saw him checking his watch as she turned in place. “I have a meeting set up for you in an hour, kid. We need to get you decent.”  
  
Chloe chuckled as she witnessed Kevin’s judging eyes roam Beca’s unwashed hair and filthy pajamas that contained stains from last week’s dinner.  
  
“A meeting? For what?” Beca stammered as she was being guided out of the living room.  
  
“You just focus on getting those Cheetos out of your hair.” Kevin stated overly disgusted.  
  
Chloe was over the moon as realization set in that this was a turning point in Beca’s life, -in their lives. Kevin was going to help her with a job that would bring her joy and happiness again and that was all Chloe had ever wanted.  
  
She loved Beca; whether she had a scowl or a smile on her face, but damn did she look good wearing a smile.  
  
Chloe cooked and sang and danced until two hours later, Beca and Kevin returned.  
  
“Well!” Chloe urged as none of them seemed eager to provide her with new information. “How did it go, Becs?”  
  
Beca kept her silence for a little while as she smiled at Kevin without giving away any hints. Chloe felt as though she couldn’t breathe, as if she had to hold it in until Beca would give her anything positive. They had deserved some positive news, she decided. She could feel her lungs aching as she watched Beca make her way over to her.  
  
“I got a job at a recording studio and-”  
  
Chloe leaped into her arms halfway through her sentence, leaving Beca to get the air knocked out of her and laugh her way throughout the rest of what she wanted to tell her.  
  
“-I start on Monday. You’re hurting me, Beale.”  
  
“I’m sorry!” Chloe spoke apologetic as she liberated the girl. “I’m really proud of you, Becs.”  
  
“Thanks.” She replied shyly. “It’s mostly Kevin’s doing and it’s not like I walk in there as a producer. My tasks are basically the same as those of an intern.” Beca downplayed her victory like she often would, because nothing would ever be enough. Chloe knew that now.  
  
“Shut up and let me be proud of you.” Chloe interrupted demanding.  
  
Beca did as she was told and kept her lips pieced together. The only communication that was going on between the two of them was non-verbal as Chloe finally saw something glistering in her eyes again.  
  
“Everyone has to start somewhere, kid.” Kevin reappeared and threw his arm around Beca. “But this is a place where you can prove yourself, which I know you will. When that happens, you’re going to be at the top of the ladder in no time.”  
  
After they had all expressed their feelings about this achievement, Chloe served dinner she had been preparing all day. They all sat together as Beca chatted about the recording studio. She told Chloe about how modern and hip the place was, how she had seen more people wearing a beanie than a tie, how there had been gold and platinum records lining the walls of the manager’s office which impressed her yet strangely motivated her as well.  
  
After the last few weeks, Chloe was just happy Beca had regained her positivity towards her chosen career path. It had been difficult to hear the woman talking bad about the music industry, but she knew her love for it would conquer all.  
  
Chloe Beale realized something in that moment, as Beca’s eyes were lit with excitement over the job she had yet to start.  
  
There was only one thing in this world that Beca needed. It wasn’t a person and it wasn’t a place. It was a purpose. A job that she could pour all her creative energy in and to let it consume her. She would be fine without anything or anyone, -anywhere- as long as she had that.  
  
Chloe didn’t know why that saddened her.  
  
After dinner and a couple of drinks, Kevin left their apartment to head for his hotel a few blocks away. He was leaving California the next day, so they all said their goodbyes and Chloe thanked him from the bottom of her heart.  
  
After the man left, Chloe was the one getting thanked for her part in the matter.  
  
“-You didn’t have to do that, but I’m glad you did.” Beca chuckled adorably.  
  
“There’s no shame in asking for help, Becs. I know you don’t like to and you’re probably not great at it, either, but you could.” Chloe shrugged with a teasing wink that she knew would light up the woman’s cheeks.  
  
Beca shook her head as her hand brushed over Chloe’s bicep. “Nite, Beale.”  
  
Chloe wanted to kiss her, wanted to follow her into the room that wasn’t hers, into the bed that had regrettably become foreign to her. Instead, Chloe stayed in her place and watched the young woman disappear behind her bedroom door.  
  
“Goodnight, Becs.”

 

* * *

  
  
Monday had come and gone without even as much as a blink of an eye. Chloe had classes that day and spent a good portion of the day in the art institute, but every chance she could get, she made sure to check in on her best friend.  
  
Beca Mitchell had been nervous that morning, something Chloe wouldn’t see very often. She wore a decent outfit; some denim jeans, a white blouse and a black leather jacket, something Chloe suggested she’d wear. Something to remind Beca of who she used to be before the world tried to tell her.  
  
Even with her hair shorter and lighter than it was a year ago, Chloe felt like this was _her_ Beca again. The person she had first fallen in love with all those months ago.  
  
She texted her multiple times during that first day of her new job and Beca sent short messages back whenever she presumably could. Chloe appreciated every, little thing she received. She was simply happy Beca was doing well again and she couldn’t wait to hear all the stories Beca would have about her new workplace.  
  
Dinner had been cold for over two hours when Beca Mitchell entered their shared apartment that night. The sun had already started to set and prime time television had just begun, but Chloe Beale didn’t ask why her friend was home so late that day. Chloe could tell by the look in her eyes and the words that enthusiastically left her mouth in a hurry that Beca was motivated and determined to prove herself, and she wasn’t going to let even one day pass without giving her all.  
  
After Beca had answered all of Chloe’s questions while stuffing her mouth with leftover food, the girl went to work behind her music equipment and Chloe was satisfied just observing her. The girl had her focus back and God did it look better than the emptiness Chloe was forced to watch every single day since Beca had been unemployed.  
  
Chloe stayed for a little while longer, -her eyes simply appreciating the young woman who was too concentrated to even notice Chloe’s stare and occasional smile- before she made her way over to the room that had been hers and only hers since she moved in with Beca Mitchell.  
  
Chloe’s feelings and mind hadn’t changed. She was completely and inevitably, head over heels in love with Beca Mitchell and she was going to inform her of this, whether it would be verbally or –preferably- not so verbally, she was going to do it.  
  
Chloe just wasn’t in a hurry, not anymore. Not when the love she felt for Beca so deeply had now settled in and put her in a state of peace and quiet. There was no more war inside her mind. She trusted that calmness more than anything and decided there was no rush.  
  
She was going to allow Beca the time she needed to find her way within this new job of hers. To the least, she deserved that, before Chloe would distract her with sweet kisses, teasing dance moves and eventually and inevitably amazing and mind-blowing sex.  
  
Chloe was going to wait, but with those dirty thoughts clouding increasingly more of her mind during her daily activities, the question was simply for how long.


	12. February: Part Two

The first day of Beca Mitchell’s new job started off a little unimpressive. Her tasks consisted out of brewing coffee for the entire office, bringing them said coffee and repairing the three different coffee machines in time for the next round.  
  
It wasn’t what Beca had hoped for, but she tried to remember what Kevin had told her. That unlike the nightclub, this was a place where she could grow. In order to do so, she had to humbly start at the bottom, just like anyone else.  
  
Beca had accepted it and instead of sulking about it, she made sure every cup of coffee she made was a killer. She added almond in one and coconut in another; by the time it was noon, Beca felt like she could be a Starbucks employee, but she ignored those thoughts.  
  
After what felt like a lifetime of being unemployed, Beca didn’t care what her duties were. She was simply happy to be off the damn couch and at work. If she were to believe Kevin, Beca could have a future here and if she had to start with coffee to eventually get to the top, she was going to start with one hell of a cup.  
  
The first day had come and gone and before Beca knew it, the employees left their desks for the freedom that was awaiting them just a few feet away.  
  
Beca didn’t want to leave yet, but since her tasks mostly consisted out of providing comfort for the people doing actual work at the recording studio, it seemed she didn’t have much of a choice. When the last girl up and left with nothing but a sympathetic smile thrown Beca’s way as she passed, the newest employee felt useless and decided to clean up and take off as well.  
  
As Beca placed the final dirty cup in the dishwasher, a man appeared in her line of vision. She was startled at first but then remembered that she knew the man.  
  
“Mister-“ She started, but his eyes told her everything she needed to know. “-I mean, Sammy. Hi, I thought everyone had left, I’m sorry.” She stuttered. What she was apologizing for, she didn’t know. All she knew was that the CEO of Residual Heat was standing in front of her and he could be intimidating to say the least.  
  
She had met him the man only briefly during the day of the interview. Kevin and him were acquaintances and he had agreed to meet Beca, if only to have the actual interview done by the department manager, to keep things professional and fair.  
  
Beca had learned his name and what size his hand was, but other than that, she knew nothing about him and it panicked her slightly to suddenly be alone with the man she realized she had nothing to say to.  
  
“I’m always the last to leave.” The man spoke slightly mysterious. “It seems maybe today will be different.” He said as he placed his bag over his shoulder, but he made no attempt to leave the room, much to Beca’s satisfaction.  
  
“Sir, I just want to say, I appreciate this chance I’ve been given and I won’t take it for granted. I’m going to work my-“  
  
“Yeah, yeah. Hey, listen, those coffees you’ve been making today. What’s your trick?”  
  
“Trick?” Beca stumbled. “I just,- my roommate used to work as a barista, I guess I’ve picked up some things.”  
  
The man hummed as he looked up, presumably wondering whether or not to accept this as her answer.  
  
“Also, almond milk.” Beca spoke quickly.  
  
“I knew it!” The man pointed at her with his teeth clenched. Beca couldn’t help but laugh. “So, Kevin told me you produce music?”  
  
Beca felt her cheeks light up as she tried to form words. “Well, I don’t-, I mean, I make music, I guess you could call it produce, but it’s-, I-, yes, I make my own music.”  
  
“I’d love to hear some of it.” Sammy said as he started heading out. “You can use the studio, but the alarm goes on at eight. Make sure you’re out before then.”  
  
Beca was left behind in shock and disbelief. She questioned whether or not the man was serious, but as she heard the front door shut close, she pretty much ran towards the control room. The place was incredible and Beca fell in love with music making all over again. She spent approximately an hour trying to figure out how to use the controls and what every single button would do before she made her way into the so-called ‘live room’. There were microphones everywhere, but Beca just needed one.  
  
It was hard to do both the vocals as well as editing it, but Beca managed until her set alarm went off to warn her she had five minutes left to get the hell out of the building. She quickly saved the made sample, grabbed her stuff and ran towards the front door a few levels down.  
  
Beca walked a few blocks before halting a cab and driving the last bit home. Chloe was sitting in her pajamas on the couch when Beca returned home and she realized music wasn’t the only thing she fell in love with all over again that day.  
  
Chloe heated her dinner for her and sat by her at the kitchen counter, listening to every word Beca chose to tell her.  
  
Beca couldn’t help but think of the past, of everything the two of them had been through, and especially their last shared kiss. It had been in a club full of people, behind the counter of the bar where soft lips finally reunited.  
  
Beca tried not to think of it too much. What happened after that blissful moment was much more memorable, at least it should be. Beca had made things awkward between them and had almost pushed Chloe away from her. Things were finally going back to the way they were and Beca had to focus on that and not the way Chloe’s lips moved when she spoke, how she could sometimes see her tongue move or how she could probably guess what kind of lip gloss she wore that day, -and remember the taste of it.  
  
Instead, Beca tried to focus on work until it was time to go to bed and worked until it was time to sleep again.  


* * *

  
  
The end of Beca’s first week at Residual Heat had finally arrived and the girl hated to admit she could use a weekend to rest up. The long days had started to have its effect on her body and mind and all Beca could think about that Friday afternoon as she made her way home was her bed.   
  
Unfortunately, when she arrived and found Chloe Beale standing in the living room with a whole lot of packed suitcases, she knew immediately her plan to sleep was somehow thrown out the window.  
  
“What’s going on?” Beca asked calm, trying to remember that Chloe wouldn’t leave her. Not like this. Not ever.  
  
Beca’s internalized panic lasted just a second longer and then she spotted another woman in the room and she felt like she could breathe again, even though she knew nothing about the situation she just walked into.  
  
“Becs, this is Maddie. Maddie’s my friend!”  
  
The girl smiled at Beca and Beca gave her an awkward tight-lipped smile in return. She wanted to ask the question again, but decided to just look at Chloe until she would give up the information.  
  
“I’m gonna go unpack.” Maddie spoke as she got in between the two roommates, grabbed some suitcases and then quickly left the very uncomfortable scene.  
  
“Unpack?!” Beca asked rather confused and angry at the same time.  
  
“Becs, relax, please. I will explain.” Chloe begged.  
  
“Please.” Beca stated. “Please explain why there is a girl unpacking in our house.”  
  
She knew Chloe hadn’t been seeing anyone, at least not long enough for a girl to move in with her, but the thought of it clouded her mind and every part of her being anyway, so much so that she needed to clench her fists and dig her fingernails deep into the palm of her hand to remind her body it was pumping enough blood around to bring some to her head, to prevent her from passing out.  
  
“She’s in my art class and she needed a place to stay, so I offered.” Chloe smiled carefully.  
  
“I didn’t know we had a room to offer, Beale.” Beca sighed, both relieved this girl was nothing more than a friend to Chloe as well as annoyed that the girl -she was still very much in love with- had always had a habit of befriending as many people as possible and getting them to love them by doing crazy things for them.   
  
Beca had hoped that somehow Chloe wouldn’t need that anymore. That she would feel like she were enough without the recognition of strangers, but it would seem like that wasn’t the case yet.  
  
“I’ve also never even heard you mention her. How well do you know her?” Beca asked as she headed for the kitchen, knowing damn well it was no use fighting Chloe’s generosity.  
  
“I know, but Becs, her boyfriend dumped her and he won’t let her stay until she has found something new. It’s just for a few weeks, until she gets back on her feet.”  
  
Beca turned with her newly found bag of chips in hand and she knew Chloe could see the disappointment in her eyes. “Didn’t you think to ask me about this first? There’s now a stranger living in my house and I have no say about it, right?”  
  
“Becs,-“  
  
“It’s fine, forget it.” She said before stuffing her mouth with chips and walking out of the living room and into her bedroom. She had been too annoyed to have a rational conversation with, so the best thing for Beca to do was calm down and accept this girl was going to be living with them for a few weeks.  
  
It took her approximately two and a half seconds to remember that this was the girl she fell in love with all those months ago. That this was still the girl she’s in love with. Chloe Beale wouldn’t be Chloe Beale if she wouldn’t offer someone the shirt off her back. She’s the purest form of selflessness. In fact, she’s the very definition.  
  
Whereas Beca had been selfish and uncaring about other people’s feelings and lives in general for most of the years she had behind her, Chloe would always put everyone’s needs in front of her own. Now, Beca knew this often caused the woman heartache and pain, -so much pain-, but it was simply who she was as a person. She couldn’t help it. If a girl in her art class would even mention the very fact that she had no place to sleep, Chloe would pretty much pack her bags for her and drag her into her own home, if she had to.  
  
 Beca smiled at that thought. She was proud to have loved someone like that and doubted any person she would love after Chloe would even come close.  
  
“Can I come in?” Chloe asked shyly as her head peeked through Beca’s doorway.  
  
“Sure.” Beca smiled carefully. She dropped to her bed and took a deep breath. “I’m sorry for walking away.” She whispered.  
  
“I’m sorry for not discussing it with you first.” Chloe –who had mimicked her actions and was now also lying flat on Beca’s bed- had responded softly as her hand made it into Beca’s.  
  
For a second, her heart stopped beating and Beca started to heat up. Somehow, that was always bound to happen when Chloe made a physical connection with her that she hadn’t seen coming.  
  
“You know-“ Chloe started as she shifted to her side and put her hands adorably underneath her head as she looked up to Beca. “-She’s willing to pay rent and it’s only for a few weeks.”  
  
“We can’t let her pay rent for nights on that crappy couch.” Beca mumbled, forcing herself to look at the ceiling because Chloe was too close, too beautiful, too much of everything for Beca to even try and control herself.  
  
“Well, I may have offered her my room.”  
  
“You’re gonna sleep on that crappy couch?” Beca chuckled because she knew she wouldn’t.  
  
“I could.” Chloe shrugged. “I also can’t help but notice how big this bed of yours is, Becs.”  
  
Beca rolled her eyes and honestly couldn’t think of a more _Beale_ -answer if she tried.   
  
“We both know you don’t need all this space.” Chloe flirted easily.  
  
“So let me get this straight. You invite your friend to come live with us, you don’t console with me, you offer her your room, and somehow I’m still the loser in this situation?”  
  
Beca watched as Chloe hopped off the bed. Her hair was suddenly a lighter shade of red than Beca remembered it ever seeing. Beautiful, long locks of hair had hypnotized her and Beca doubted if she could ever pull her eyes away from the gorgeous creature.  
  
Chloe twirled near the doorway before locking her blue eyes with Beca’s again. “You get to sleep with me, Becs. I’d say you’re winning.” Chloe winked and then she was gone.   
  
At times, Beca would wonder if the woman was even real. If she didn’t just live inside Beca’s head. If perhaps she had gone crazy and made up such a perfect person to have around.  
  
The only thing that reminded Beca the girl had truly been in her room this time was the foreign perfume that lingered and the way Beca’s heart was going a hundred miles an hour.  


* * *

  
  
That evening, Beca got to know the newest roommate. The girl –Maddie- had been polite and open. She talked almost as much as Chloe Beale would, which Beca didn’t know to be possible. Nonetheless, Beca was fond of her. She cleaned up after herself and didn’t require much entertainment. Two things Beca hated to do for strangers.  
  
Beca left the two friends alone and spent some time in her bedroom working on new music she had been busy creating for the past few days. It was as good as done, but it was just missing one thing to make it perfect.  
  
That evening was the third in a row that Beca couldn’t figure out just what the missing thing was. She went to bed extra annoyed, but that abruptly changed when she heard a pair of footsteps enter and make their way over to Beca’s bed.  
  
It wasn’t until Beca felt her bed drop slightly, her blankets move and Chloe’s cold feet touching her leg that she could breathe again.  
  
“I didn’t think you were being serious.” Beca whispered tiredly.  
  
“About what?” Chloe yawned as she turned and curled into Beca’s side.  
  
“You giving up your room.” Beca breathed out. Her heart wasn’t racing and her mind wasn’t spinning anymore. It was just Chloe and herself, in a bed, with no room for air or anything else in between them.  
  
Almost as if they were made to be that way forever.  
  
“Well, I can’t have _her_ sleeping in here, can I?” Chloe scoffed.  
  
“No, you can’t.” Beca chuckled softly.  
  
Silence took over for a minute or two and Beca started to wonder what Chloe was thinking about. If she thought this was weird, sharing a bed again. If she was going over what had happened to them. How they were suddenly here again. After barely being anything when they just met, to being friends with benefits, lovers, ex-lovers, friends and now friends who cuddle and share a bed.  
  
Beca thought it was weird except it didn’t feel weird. It felt more normal than anything they had done for the past couple of months.  
  
“I’m sorry for kissing you like that on New Year’s Eve.” Beca mumbled.  
  
Chloe moved in the bed to be able to bend her neck in a way that would provide her eye contact with the young woman, but Beca couldn’t dare to look her in the eye.  
  
“I know you were just trying to be nice, or maybe you were drunk-“  
  
“You think I kissed you because I was drunk?”  
  
“-I shouldn’t have done what I did. I know that’s not what you wanted.” Beca continued as if the woman hadn’t spoken at all.  
  
Chloe was suddenly on top of her, straddling her lap with her thighs and her wrists with her hands, forcing Beca to include her in the conversation that she was trying to have by herself.  
  
“Beca, don’t assume you know what I want or not. I didn’t even know what I wanted back then. But I do, now.”  
  
Without another wasted second, -after so many, already-, Chloe planted her lips on Beca’s.  
  
After one followed another, and another,- as if they were making up for lost time. Every breathless kiss an apology for how long it took both of them to get back to each other.  
  
Beca held onto the woman as best and as tight she could, for she knew she was never going to let her slip through her fingers ever again.  
  
“I can’t believe it worked.” Chloe spoke in between kisses.  
  
“What worked?” Beca answered half-interested.  
  
“Inviting a stranger into our house, just so I could share a bed with you in order to get back together.” Chloe shrugged easily before attaching her lips onto Beca’s again, but she was quick to pull back. “Relax, Becs. I’m kidding.” She giggled as annoyance took over Beca’s facial features.  
  
“Fuck you, Beale.” Beca groaned before pulling her back in and kissing her passionately.  
  
“Are we back together?” Chloe dared to ask eventually.  
  
Beca smiled at the level of cuteness radiating off of the woman on top off her. She took a deep breath and worked up the confidence to be vulnerable again. “Beale, will you be my girlfriend again? I promise I won’t leave for the other side of the country again.”  
  
Chloe smiled at her, -softly and as if she didn’t hear anything after the question asked. “I would love to be your girlfriend again.” The woman replied with watery eyes.  
  
Beca pulled her in for a hug and she couldn’t remember the last time she had felt this secure, safe, loved and powerful all at the same time.  
  
Love had never had that effect on her when she was younger. Love never made her feel safe or powerful. Love meant you were weak, at least in Beca’s book.  
  
Her father loved her mother and when she died, her dad was broken and weak. He couldn’t eat, he couldn’t sleep, he could barely get himself to work every morning.  
  
Beca thought love meant opening yourself up to a hell of a lot of pain, and she couldn’t understand why anyone would choose that. But since she’s had Chloe in her life, she understood. It wasn’t a choice. Loving Chloe Beale had never been a choice and it was never going to be a choice. Beca would love her even if she didn’t want to, even if it were easier not to, even if being friends were a much simpler option.  
  
It was Beca’s choice however to pursue the girl. Now, every day, Beca was going to choose Chloe Beale, to be with her for the rest of time and to make sure Chloe would want to choose her every day as well.  
  
The love she felt so deeply for Chloe was going to make her stronger, even if at times it meant she was opening herself up for a lot of pain.  
  
Beca was ready for it all.  
  



End file.
